“Jim,” Spock said the next morning.

“Mmm…” Jim grunted, trying to get his eyes to focus.

“It is 06:30.”

“Okay,” Jim acknowledged, turning over to look at Spock sitting on the blankets that had served as his bed. “Were you able to sleep?”

“I slept quite well. I sense that you did also.”

“I did. Thank you,” Jim said, sitting up with a frown.

“Are you in pain?” Spock asked, studying him.

“I have a headache,” Jim acknowledged. “I’ll be fine once I shower.”

“Very well. I will prepare your coffee then go to my quarters to dress.”

“You don’t have to make me coffee,” Jim protested.

“I am aware of that, Jim. I choose to make it before I leave your quarters.”

“I accept then,” Jim said, leaving the bed. He automatically reached for the intercom, contacting Lt. Quntan who had the Bridge during gamma shift.

“Ship’s status?” the Captain asked.

“All systems report normal, sir. We will be in Tortoga in two solar days.”

“Thank you,” Jim said, disappearing into his bathroom. When he was showered and dressed, he filled his favorite ceramic cup with steaming coffee and went out to Spock’s quarters.

“Come,” Spock called, watching the Captain enter.

“Let’s eat in general mess this morning,” Jim suggested.

“Certainly. The crew will be reassured by your presence.”

“Yes. I hope we’ll have time to actually eat,” Jim laughed.

“Would you prefer Officers’ Mess?” Spock asked.

“No no. We’ll have enough time for small talk with the crew and to eat.”

“Very well,” Spock said, following the Captain out.

They walked down the corridor together, their steps automatically in sync. “Are you going to get behind in Science lab since McCoy is making you stay on the Bridge?” Jim asked, sipping his coffee.

“My staff is fully informed of the responsibilities,” Spock assured him.

“Okay,” Jim said. He answered the nearest intercom when McCoy called to him. “Good morning.”

“You coming to breakfast?” McCoy asked.

“We’re on our way to general mess. You’ll meet us there?”

“I’m there already. You want waffles again?”

“If you aren’t planning to scold me for it,” Kirk said.

“Now Jim” he drawled. “Would I suggest waffles just to argue with you about it later?”

“You might,” the Captain said.

“Maybe. But not this time,” McCoy promised.

“Alright. We’ll be there shortly. Kirk out.”

“He can be quite contradictory,” Spock observed.

“Quite,” Kirk agreed. “I am surprised he wasn’t more insistent that I remain off duty today.”

“Immersing oneself in work is often more restful than time to contemplate that which has occurred,” Spock said.

“True. Did you tell Bones that?”

“At some point I may have mentioned it,” Spock reluctantly admitted.

“I see,” the Captain said. “If you two ever team up against me, I’m sunk.”

“That is not a possibility with which you need concern yourself,” Spock said.

“Did you tell Bones that?” Kirk laughed.

Spock made no response, following the Captain out of the lift, down the short corridor, and into the general mess. Everyone present rose at their entry until the Captain waved them back into their seats. Dr. McCoy waited at the Captain’s table, waffles, bacon, and fresh coffee awaiting Kirk, Vulcan delicacies in place for Spock.

“Thank you,” Jim said to McCoy as they sat down. He began eating and as predicted was interrupted multiple times by members of the crew who simply needed to speak to him, welcome him home, assure themselves that he was safe.

“It was only 36 ship hours,” he said quietly to the other two when the parade briefly paused.

“You disappeared, Jim. We didn’t know where you were or if we’d ever see you again,” the doctor reminded him. “We couldn’t get a response from the planet. Couldn’t even scan it to see if you were really there.”

“Yes,” Jim had to acknowledge, pulling down the sleeve of his shirt to cover the bruises.

“You can’t hide them, Jim,” McCoy said, looking at the marks on his wrists. “Do you want me to use the regenerator?”

“No. They don’t hurt,” Jim assured them both.

McCoy nodded, nothing further to add.

“We better get to the Bridge,” Jim decided, glancing over at Spock to make sure he was also ready.

“Don’t overdo, please,” McCoy requested.

Jim nodded and left with Spock close behind. “What did Bones do with the rest of my birthday cake?” he asked Spock ideally.

“Left it in Officers’ Mess.”

“Oh good. Then we can have lunch there,” Jim said.

“And dessert,” Spock added.

“I will,” Jim agreed with a laugh.

“Even though there is no discernable nutritional value,” Spock said.

“If it had any nutritional value, it wouldn’t be cake,” Jim laughed.

“True,” Spock had to agree.

They arrived on the Bridge, the Captain acknowledging those already there although they took his arrival in stride under normal circumstances. He knew these circumstances were still not normal and he knew equally well that they would soon better disguise their anxiety at the idea of loosing their Captain. He gratefully sat in his chair, soothed by the familiar, the ordinary, his ship and those who kept her flying. He cleared his throat, clearing away any lingering emotions at the same time. “Ship’s status, Mr. Sulu?”

“All systems report normal, sir,” Sulu was glad to report to his Captain.

“Time to Tortoga, Mr. Chekov?”

“42.12 hours, sir.”

“Very good,” the Captain said, turning to the yeoman waiting patiently at his side with a stack of reports. “Thank you,” he said, accepting them all. After reviewing them, he signed and returned them, holding onto the last. “Mr. Spock?”

“Yes, Captain,” Spock responded, turning from his station to face the Captain.

“Do you know why Lt. Vorker is requesting a transfer from ship’s stores?”

“To where, sir?”

“Security,” Kirk said, checking the request.

“Sir,” Sulu said.

“Yes, Sulu?”

“She’s bored in stores, sir,” Sulu said.

“I see. Before that she was bored in botany lab,” Kirk remarked.

“I didn’t know that, sir,” Sulu said, turning back to the viewscreen, his part of the conversation hopefully concluded.

“Mr. Spock?” the Captain asked.

“She showed no particular talent in botany, sir. I understood she was doing an adequate job in ship’s stores.”

“An adequate job,” the Captain repeated. Kirk frowned and wrote ‘transfer denied’ on the form, returning it to the yeoman who was careful not to attract any unnecessary attention form the Captain who looked…not angry exactly. “Thank you, yeoman. Carry on,” the Captain said in dismissal.

The Captain shifted in his chair, looking at the viewscreen, not seeing the familiar blur of the stars. His internal contemplation was periodically interrupted by questions, reports to be signed, orders confirmed, hails answered.

“Mr. Spock,” the Captain said, standing.

“Sir?”

“Join me for lunch,” the Captain said, going to the lift. “Mr. Sulu, you have the bridge.”

“Yes sir,” Sulu agreed, taking the big chair.

Jim waited for Spock to join him in the lift, requested the level for Officers’ Mess. “I’m going to have to take a nap after lunch,” the Captain reluctantly admitted.

“Your body has not yet fully recovered,” Spock agreed.

“I want to pretend it has. That I’m done with what happened.”

“Understandably.”

“Will you return to the Bridge after we eat? Once I wake up, I’ll deal with some of the paperwork in my quarters.”

“Certainly, sir.”

“I’ll feel better knowing you’re on the Bridge,” Kirk admitted.

Spock nodded, waiting for Kirk to leave the lift before following him out.

“We should tell McCoy,” Kirk said as they entered Officers’ Mess. “Oh, never mind,” he laughed when he saw that the doctor had gotten there first.

“I’m not asking,” McCoy said, holding up a hand in self defense, recognizing the determined look on the Captain’s face.

“Once I eat, I’m taking a nap,” Kirk admitted reluctantly.

“Thank you. I’ll get you something for the pain.”

“Captain?” Spock asked in concern.

“I’m having some…discomfort, Spock. It’s not unbearable by any means,” Kirk assured him.

Spock studied him still, a look of almost disapproval in his gaze. Kirk felt a brief flare of anger, whether at Spock, McCoy, or himself he could not say. “Stop being two mother hens,” he said in impatience.

“I was unaware that I had become an Earth fowl, sir,” Spock said, lightening his mood instantly.

“I can see some feathers,” McCoy claimed. 

“Then you have them as well,” Spock pointed out.

“We need the eggs,” Jim laughed, going over to the dispenser. “Hamburger steak, mashed potatoes, and fresh broccoli.” His food appeared and he moved aside so that Spock could make his request. When McCoy also had his food, they proceeded to the Captain’s table.

“Where’s Scotty?” McCoy asked.

“I haven’t seen him all day,” the Captain realized. He went to the wall intercom, requested Mr. Scott.

“Scott here, sir.”

“We’re having lunch in Officers’ Mess. You have time to join us?’

“Be right there, sir. Scott out.”

The Captain resumed his seat, concentrating on his food as Spock and McCoy chatted about… “What are you discussing?” he finally asked.

“An article in the latest Vulcan science journal,” McCoy explained. “They are trying to cultivate more planets that will survive in that god forsaken desert.”

“Oh,” Jim said, waving over at Scotty as he entered. When Scotty had his food, he joined them at the table. “How are things in engineering?”

“Couldn’t be better, sir. Crew’s looking forward to shore leave, I can tell you that,” Scotty said.

“Understandably,” the Captain said, looking down at his plate and wondering why it was empty when he was still hungry.

“I need some more macaroni,” McCoy decided, standing up. “Can I get y’all anything?” He seemed to be asking the other three officers but they all knew his question was really directed at the Captain.

“I’d like another hamburger steak,” the Captain requested.

“Comin’ right up. Spock? Scotty?”

Both men declined and McCoy walked away, soon returning with two bowls of macaroni and cheese, and a hamburger plate. “Here you go,” he said, giving them to the Captain, keeping one bowl for himself.

“Thank you,” the Captain said, eating all of the food as Scotty and McCoy discussed their plans for shore leave. The Captain was sure Scotty claimed to only be interested in catching up on his maintenance dispatches and journals but following their conversation seemed too much trouble. When he had eaten all the food, he decided he was finally full. “If you will excuse me,” Jim said, standing.

“No cake?” McCoy asked.

“I’ll save it for a snack,” Jim decided.

“Let me know when you wake up and I’ll bring it to you,” McCoy promised.

“You got it. Scotty,” his said, going out, Spock close behind. “Go the Bridge, Spock. I’ll be fine.”

“I know that you will. I have the time to see you to your quarters.”

“Alright,” the Captain agreed, way too weary to argue.

“Do you need the pain medication the Doctor mentioned?”

“Oh,” the Captain said, considering it. “No. Once I fall asleep, I won’t need it.”

“May I request that the doctor bring it to you?”

“No. I just want to sleep,” the Captain said.

“Very well,” Spock said as they stopped outside Kirk’s quarters.

“Thank you,” the Captain said, looking up at his friend.

“You will inform me when you wake?” Spock asked.

“Of course. And I’ll provide you override, just in case,” Kirk assured him.

“That will be helpful, should the need arise. Sleep well.”

“You can be sure of that,” Kirk said, entering his quarters as Spock walked away. When the door was closed, he engaged the privacy lock, providing Spock and McCoy override. He went into his bathroom, applying the soothing cream to the still pink skin on his penis. Soothing the inside was slightly more awkward but he knew it would be only momentary.

Those chores complete, he lay down on his bed, a tee shirt and shorts providing him a measure of comfort. “Lights to 25%. Computer, play Beethoven selections 43 to 58.”

The soothing music filled the background, merging perfectly with the hum of his ship, and he fell into a deep, restful sleep.

Sleep slowly gave way to awareness. The feel of the bed beneath him, the soft covers over him, the music still soothing his tired mind – he was infused with a general sense of well-being. A smiled played over his lips as he turned his head to find Spock watching him.

“You knew I was here.”

“Yes,” Kirk agreed, closing his eyes momentarily. “Alpha shift’s over?”

“For 38 minutes,” Spock said.

“Ship’s status?”

“All systems report normal,” Spock said.

“Good. Did I miss anything?”

“Nothing of consequence. I will get you a glass of water,” Spock said, going over to the dispenser and soon returning with a glass of icy water.

“Thank you,” the Captain said, raising up on one elbow to sip it. “Any chance you stopped for cake on your way?”

“I did not. However, Dr. McCoy was quite insistent that I alert him when you woke.”

“Alright. I need to visit the bathroom. You can call and tell him to come. But he better bring the cake,” the Captain laughed as he threw off the covers.

Spock was still talking over the intercom when Jim emerged from the bathroom but was no longer in contact with the doctor.

“Everything okay?” the Captain asked, pulling on one of his warm robes. Less skin for the doctor to cluck over.

“Yes,” Spock said, sitting in the chair next to him. “We will arrive at Tortoga in 16.3 hours.”

“I didn’t sleep that long,” Kirk said with a reflective yawn.

“Mr. Scott determined that warp four would reduce the hours required and would not effect the overall efficiency of the engines.”

“He would know,” Kirk said. “You authorized it?”

“Yes sir.”

“Can I ask why you were here when I woke up?” Kirk asked, drinking more water.

“Because you wanted me here,” Spock said simply.

“I called to you?”

“Once the ship no longer required my full attention, I became aware that you desired my presence.”

“I must have dreamt it. I don’t remember consciously calling to you.”

“My hypothesis is that my presence brings a measure of peace to your subconscious. As it did last night.”

“That’s a sound hypothesis,” Kirk confirmed. “I’m sorry if I’m distracting you with my…need.”

“Not at all. I understand why it happens, Jim. Your relative isolation on the planet was its own assault on a mind as dynamic as yours.”

“Thank you,” was all Jim could think to say.

Spock nodded to acknowledge the words, the ones said and the ones which remained unspoken.

“Come,” the Captain called. McCoy entered in his usual good humor, handing the cake to Spock.

“As soon as I check you out,” he informed the Captain before he could protest.

“Be quick about it,” Kirk grumbled.

The doctor swept him with the scanner, pausing at his groin. “Stand up.”

The Captain did it, trying to pretend he was elsewhere. Almost any place else, especially when McCoy lingered over his bottom.

“Why didn’t you tell me you’re still in pain?” McCoy scolded.

“It isn’t that bad, Bones. The suppositories and ointment are helping.”

“You are using them exactly as I told you? ‘Cause if you aren’t, I’m going to,” McCoy warned.

“Yes, exactly like you said. And you’re scaring Spock.”

“On the contrary,” Spock said. “I am considering having the doctor relieve you of duty.”

“That is not necessary,” Jim protested.

“Are you that worried?” McCoy asked Spock, ignoring the Captain.

“You don’t need to be having this conversation,” Jim insisted firmly.

Spock studied the Captain, seeing the whole person, the whole being. “Will you allow a light meld?”

“How light?” Jim asked cautiously.

“Sufficient to assure us that you are not hiding the true extent of the damage.”

“I’m not damaged,” Jim said indignantly. “And McCoy’s scanners can tell you everything you need to know. I’m fine. You two are overreacting.”

“Why are you refusing a meld, Jim? You’ve never hesitated before,” McCoy said.

“There was a good reason before. We’re on our way to shore leave. I’m fine.”

McCoy exchanged a glance with Spock that left Jim’s opinion completely out of the equation.

“Besides,” Jim said, playing his trump card. “The crew will worry even more if I’m not on duty.”

Black eyes joined blue in appraising the Captain, hazel eyes blazing with determination.

“Alright,” McCoy conceded. “Since we’re nearly to shore leave. And you had the good sense to sleep this afternoon. You may need to sleep tomorrow afternoon once we reach Tortoga.”

“I will, Bones. You’ll both be there to make sure,” the Captain said.

“Yes,” Spock agreed, handing the Captain his cake.

Jim accepted it with a sigh, not wanting to be treated so…delicately any longer. It frankly pissed him off.

“Being angry doesn’t change anything, Jim,” Bones said kindly.

“Maybe not. But it doesn’t seem to matter,” the Captain said in a flat voice.

“Then yell at us. We can take it,” Bones said.

“You’ve done nothing to deserve it,” Jim admitted.

“Do you want us to leave you alone?” McCoy asked.

“No,” Jim sighed.

“Will you talk to us, please?” McCoy requested.

“I know what you are saying, Bones. I don’t know that I’m ready to talk about what happened.”

“What they did to you,” Bones corrected.

“Yes. I’ve been treated worse. We all have. And we bounced back. I can’t stay awake for longer than six or seven hours.”

“You were assaulted, Jim,” Bones reminded him.

“I wasn’t permanently harmed. I have no internal injuries. I’ve recovered from phaser blasts and broken ribs faster.”

“The body heals differently from the mind,” Spock pointed out.

“I’m tired of being molly-coddled. I’m sick of you two looking at me like I’m going to break apart. I do not want to be told what to do or when to do it on my own ship,” he said, his voice harsher than he intended. He put the cake on his desk before he could give into the impulse to hurl it across his cabin just to have the satisfaction of hearing the plate shatter.

“Do you want us to ignore you, Jim? Ignore your pain? Pretend you weren’t taken from us and assaulted?” McCoy asked.

“I want to be treated like the Captain of this starship,” he said firmly and a little too loudly.

“What does that entail, sir? Do you want us to salute you each time we see you? Not speak until we are spoken to, sir?” McCoy asked, intentionally baiting him.

“I can do without your sarcasm, doctor,” Jim responded evenly.

“I was not aware that we had failed to show respect appropriate to your rank, sir,” Spock said. That this was from Spock seemed easier for the Captain to hear.

“You haven’t,” the Captain conceded. “I told you that I’m pissed. But not at either of you.”

“Better us than some unsuspecting yeoman,” McCoy said.

“I don’t yell at yeomen. And I don’t drown biddies in the creek,” Jim said.

“Have you developed a sudden obsession with Earth fowl?” Spock asked, making the two Humans laugh.

“Clichés, Spock. A human’s verbal refuge when we are too tired to be clever,” Jim explained.

“Then Dr. McCoy must continually be in a state of near exhaustion,” Spock suggested.

“What about his sarcasm?” McCoy protested.

“Vulcans do not engage in sarcasm, doctor,” Spock informed him.

“In a … you most certainly do,” McCoy responded.

“Alright. It’s not just being tired that makes us use clichés,” the Captain said lightly.

“Exactly,” McCoy said. “Now. I’m going to go to sickbay for a stronger ointment and something for your pain. May I bring it back or would you prefer I send it via an ensign?”

“Please come back,” Jim requested with a smile. “Would you like to play Scrabble?”

“Only if Spock is not allowed to use any Vulcan words,” McCoy said.

“Strictly standard words,” Jim agreed picking up his cake. “You don’t mind, do you?” he asked Spock when McCoy had left.

“Not at all. There are no matters requiring my immediate attention.”

“Good,” Jim said, going to his dispenser for more ice water. At Spock’s request, he also requested a cup of Vulcan spice tea. Then he made a quick stop at his closet for his old fashioned Scrabble game. He preferred the tactile experience of the tiles to playing on the computer.

Spock had made room on the Captain’s desk and set up the board when the Captain returned. “I’m going to ship’s store tomorrow for additional swim trunks. Should I request an extra pair for you as well?”

“Mmm…I’m not sure,” Jim said, going to his dresser. He found two pair, folding them before putting them back. “I could use two new pair,” he decided.

“Black?” Spock asked.

“That’s fine. Doesn’t really matter. Can you also request several light colored tee shirts? I don’t want to wear only black tee shirts on the beach.”

“Certainly,” Spock said.

“Oh, while we’re waiting, I want to send mom a note thanking her for the quilt.”

“Would you prefer I excuse myself?”

“Of course not,” the Captain said, going to his communications program. He ignored the numerous messages awaiting his attention, knowing that if they had any urgency, Spock would have dealt with them already or alerted him to their presence. The Captain recorded his message, sending it off to Earth as Dr. McCoy returned.

“Do you want something to eat besides your cake?” he asked Jim.

“Not right now,” Jim decided, rounding his desk to sit nearer the game. Each man drew a tile, Spock picking the highest value, giving him the first turn. He played a rather insignificant word, the low point value surprising the other two. Jim scored slightly higher, the doctor gaining the most points for a medical term. Spock’s second word eclipsed the first three in value, making McCoy groan, especially since he used all seven tiles gaining the 50 bonus points.

“Only you would have a strategy for Scrabble,” McCoy complained lightly.

“I have no doubt that Jim also engages in strategy,” Spock said.

McCoy turned accusatory eyes on the Captain.

“Not always,” Jim shrugged. “Sometimes I just play them as they come.”

“Uh huh,” McCoy harrumphed, making another medical term with his tiles.

“Is that really a word?” Jim asked with a laugh.

“It is. It’s a virus on Preketon 12.”

“Then it is not technically a Standard word,” Spock said.

“There’s no translation for it. So that’s what it’s called in Standard,” McCoy said.

“Captain?” Spock asked, needing an arbitrator.

“If Spock can’t use Vulcan, you shouldn’t use Preketon,” the Captain ruled.

“Alright,” McCoy sighed, collecting his tiles, instead spelling d-a-i-s-y.

They continued to play with good natured grousing. Spock, of course, never groused. A time or two he did try to defend one of his more exotic words but the Captain had to overrule him. Even so, Spock triumphed as he so often did.

“If you will excuse me,” Spock said, standing.

“Certainly, Spock. Thanks for the game,” Jim said, watching him leave.

“You okay, Jim? The truth,” McCoy asked quietly.

“Better. In no small part because of you.”

“That’s what friends are for,” McCoy assured him.

“And I appreciate it,” the Captain said.

“No charge. I’m going to turn in unless you need me.”

“I’m fine, Bones. I’m going to deal with some of my messages then turn in myself.”

“You want dinner?”

“I don’t think so,” Jim decided.

“Alright. Don’t forget to use all the medication before you get into bed.”

“I will. Good night,” he said as McCoy left.

He managed to address about half of the messages waiting for him before he had to admit that he was too tired to continue. Debating with himself, he looked around his too empty quarters, finally contacting Spock on the intercom.

“Do you want me to come to your quarters to sleep?” Spock guessed.

“If you don’t mind,” Jim agreed, wishing he were strong enough to not need his friend’s comforting presence.

“I will be there in fifteen minutes, if that is acceptable,” Spock said.

“Of course. Thank you,” Jim said, going into the bathroom to tend to his body’s needs and to follow the doctor’s orders. The new medicine had a much stronger fragrance, not unpleasant but he would have preferred not to have to even consider whether or not he liked it. That done, he got into bed, reading a familiar book, not needing to pay close attention to follow the story.

He smiled to himself has Spock entered, looking especially regal in his dark blue meditation robe. “Are you ready to sleep or do you want to use my computer?”

“I will use your computer for a short time,” Spock said, looking down at the Captain where he rested in his bed. The blankets were already in place, awaiting Spock’s arrival. “What is that you are reading?”

“It’s called Apollo 13. It’s a story about the early astronauts. I’ve read it at least a dozen times,” Jim said, looking at the tattered cover.

“There is comfort in the familiar,” Spock agreed.

“There is. I haven’t raised the temperature yet. Go ahead and do it,” Jim invited.

Spock nodded, requesting the computer increase the temperature 5 degrees and going over to get Jim’s glass of ice water.

“Thanks,” Jim said with a smile up at him. Spock slowly drew his eyes away to sit at Jim’s desk. He worked on the computer for half an hour when he decided he too was ready to sleep. “You done already?”

“I find I am having some difficulty concentrating,” Spock admitted, removing his robe and placing it carefully on the chair where he had been sitting.

“Want to talk about it?” Jim invited.

“I am uncertain what I would say,” Spock said, studying his hands where they rested on his drawn up knees. “Your absence was…difficult.”

“I know that, Spock. And I’m sorry.”

“Your apology is unnecessary, Jim. It implies you are in some way to blame for the occurrence which took you from us.”

“Not to me. But I understand what you mean. The uncertainty must have been the hardest part,” Jim suggested.

“In many ways,” Spock agreed. “According to Starfleet regulations, we would have been required to abandon our efforts to retrieve you had we failed to ascertain that you were alive after 7 ship’s days.”

“But Starfleet gave you permission to use hostile force if necessary,” Jim reminded him.

“According to Mr. Scott, we would not have succeeded in breaking through their shield. We attempted to determine a method to weaken it but had found no solution by the time you were returned to us.”

“I was only gone 36 of the ship’s hours, Spock. You weren’t anywhere close to having to abandon me,” Jim reminded him.

“Yes,” Spock agreed. He looked up at Jim before looking away. “I accept that should something happen to you, it is necessary that I take command.” He paused, searching for the words he needed and was not entirely sure he could find them. “I have no desire to be Captain of the Enterprise.”

To his relief, Jim laughed. “I have no desire to relinquish command to you. But I do know that if something did happen to me, I would be leaving my ship and crew in good hands.”

“I am pleased that they remain in your capable hands,” Spock said warmly.

“Thank you,” Jim said with a smile that turned into a yawn. “I’m sorry.”

“It is understandable. I am ready to sleep if you are.”

“I think so. Computer, lights to 20%.” The computer lowered the lights and Jim lay down, watching Spock lay on the floor. “I don’t think I could sleep on the floor.”

“It is not as uncomfortable as you might think,” Spock said.

“Good,” Jim said, turning his back to Spock. “’Night.”

“Sleep well,” Spock said in return.

“Jim,” Spock said, waking him with a start.

“What?”

“You were dreaming,” Spock explained. He was sitting on the bed next to the Captain, looking down at him with concern he could not disguise.

“Uhm…” Jim groaned, pressing his hands over his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“You were in distress.”

“It’s a nightmare that started on the planet. There were huge birds of prey feasting on me,” Jim said quietly.

“Are you in pain? Is that the cause of the nightmare?”

“I’m not in any more pain than…” He stopped, the truth coming out before he could control himself. “I’m okay,” he said, slowly sitting up.

Spock looked at Jim as though he did not entirely believe the words being said but would not argue with him.

“I need to go to the bathroom. I’ll take some of the pain medication,” Jim promised. Spock stood to get out of his way, watching as he slowly limped over to the bathroom. Spock followed, talking to him through the door.

“May I contact the Doctor?” Spock requested.

“No. That isn’t necessary,” Jim responded, opening the door. “What time is it?”

“03:13,” Spock said, looking down at the Captain, seeing the lines etched around his eyes and mouth.

“I’m really okay, Spock,” Jim assured him, wanting to ease the concerns Spock couldn’t disguise.

“Why are you limping, Jim? And you are clearly in more pain than you are willing to admit.”

“If I admit it, I won’t be able to stop it. And I’m only limping because my foot fell asleep.”

“Perhaps you should not attempt to control the pain,” Spock suggested. “Then the doctor can relieve it for you.”

“I’m not calling Bones at 03:13, Spock. I’ll be fine. I just want to go back to sleep,” Jim said, his impatience showing through.

“Very well,” Spock conceded, taking a step back, his hands clasped behind his back, his face closed.

“I’m sorry. I don’t need to take it out on you,” Jim said, returning to his bed.

“It is very difficult on you,” Spock acknowledged, sitting very still on his pallet.

“That doesn’t give me the right to yell at you.”

“You can be assured that I do not take it personally. It is only a reflection of the frustration you are feeling.”

“Yes,” Jim sighed, rolling onto his side to gaze at his friend. “I’m glad we’re on our way to shore leave. I think we all need it.”

“We do,” Spock agreed.

“And I’m very glad you are coming ashore. I know you would probably prefer to stay on board and work.”

“Not this time,” Spock said.

“Yes,” Jim sighed. “I’m ready to go back to sleep, I think.”

“Very well,” Spock said, laying down and closing his eyes.

“You need to sleep as well. You’ll know if I need you,” Jim said softly.

“I will sleep. Do not concern yourself with me.”

“Mmm…” Jim sighed, drifting off.

Spock stayed awake for several minutes until he was certain the Captain slept soundly. Putting aside all the thoughts trying to overwhelm him, he too fell asleep.

“Jim,” Spock said softly the next morning.

“Hmm…”

“It’s 06:30,” Spock said.

“Already?”

“Yes. How are you feeling?” Spock had to ask, studying Jim’s face.

“Okay. Tired of the question,” Jim decided, slowly sitting up.

“Understandable,” Spock said, folding the blankets and putting them in the closet. He then began to make the coffee, Jim watching him. There was something very comforting about the tall Vulcan in all black being in his quarters when he woke. And making him coffee because he chose to.

“Jim?” Spock asked when he turned to find the Human watching him.

“I apologize, Spock. I was lost in thought.”

“No apology is necessary,” Spock assured him.

Jim nodded, wanting to say something, the right thing, but the words would not sort themselves out. “I’m sorry again about last night…”

“Your apology is entirely unnecessary. You could not help the nightmare and your words were not disturbing to me.”

“They were disturbing to me. Because…well.” Jim stopped, getting out of bed.

“I will go to my quarters to dress. And I will return so that we can go to breakfast.”

“Alright,” Jim agreed. “Let Bones know?”

“Certainly. Shall we eat in Officers’ Mess?”

“That’s fine.”

Spock nodded and left. Jim contacted the Bridge, requesting ship’s status.

“All systems report normal, sir. We will arrive at Tortoga in 4.3 hours.”

“Very good. Did Lt. Akia broadcast the leave regulations?”

“Yes sir. She did it when she first reported for duty.”

“Alright, Lt. I’ll be on the Bridge at 08:00,” Jim said. With that, he went into his bathroom to shower. Afterward he pulled on a tee shirt before tending to the lingering medical requirements. Rather than worry about having the medicine run down his thigh, he pulled on his briefs and headed for his bed.

“Jim?” Spock asked from where he was sitting at Jim’s computer.

“I’m fine. I just need to wait for my body to absorb the…uh…internal medicine.”

“I see,” Spock said, going to the coffee pot and pouring a cup. “Dr. McCoy will meet us in Officers’ Mess at 07:15.”

“Good. What time are we transporting to the planet?”

“We are on the schedule for noon, providing unforeseen circumstances do not delay us,” Spock said, handing Jim the coffee.

“Okay. Oh – I haven’t packed yet. Have you?”

“I did so last night. You can have your yeoman deal with it,” Spock suggested.

“No. It won’t take me long. I’ll do it right before we beam down. Can you put the extra trunks and tee shirts in with your clothes?”

“Certainly.”

“Thanks,” Jim said. He decided it was safe to continue dressing, standing up to pull on his uniform. “Have you looked at the facilities available on Tortoga?”

“I have. They have a full compliment of recreational activities including several swimming pools. Did Dr. McCoy tell you there are also horses available for hire?”

“No,” Jim said, putting on his boots.

“I expected more of a reaction from you,” Spock admitted.

“I’m not sure I’m up to riding a horse yet. Sitting in a chair still has its challenges,” Jim confessed before he could stop the words.

Spock looked at him with something close to disapproval.

Jim sighed and stood. “Please don’t say it. And don’t tell Bones.”

“He needs to know.”

“No he doesn’t. I’m using the new medication he gave me. Maybe I will feel like horseback riding,” Jim suggested.

“If you decide you wish to do so, we will arrange a time,” Spock assured him, deciding to give in rather than continue to badger him.

“You don’t ride,” Jim laughed, a hollow sound.

“I am a quick study.”

“I see,” Jim said, leading the way out of his quarters. They strolled to Officers’ Mess, trading pleasantries with those they encountered. The Captain did the vast majority of talking, Spock quiet and vigilant by his side.

There was an excited buzz when they entered the mess, those present busily discussing their plans for shore leave. It reminded the Captain of the day before school let out for summer vacation.

“Good morning,” McCoy said in greeting when they found him at the Captain’s table.

“Hi,” Jim returned. “You packed?”

“Sure am. Have been since we got word. ‘Course it doesn’t take long to put shorts and tee shirts in a tote.”

“True. I’ll have to do it before we beam down,” the Captain said, sipping his coffee.

“What do you want to eat, Jim? I’ll get it for you,” McCoy said, standing.

“Don’t be ridiculous. I’ll get it myself.”

“Alright. Try to make it something more nutritious than waffles.”

“Didn’t you promise me you weren’t going to hold those waffles against me?” Jim laughed.

“Did I?” the doctor responded in complete innocence.

“You certainly did.”

“Well, then. I best not be sayin’ anything else.”

“Thanks,” the Captain laughed, heading for the dispenser.

McCoy traded a silent glance with Spock which Jim chose to ignore. Spock only joined him as he was returning to his table.

“If I ask what you two were talking about, will you tell me?” he asked Spock quietly.

“Are you asking me?” Spock responded.

Jim looked from Spock back over to the doctor who was deep in conversation with Scotty who had just arrived. “No,” Jim sighed. “It’ll just piss me off again.” That Spock made no response confirmed his suspicions that he was the topic of conversation. “Is Bones over there telling Scotty he has to watch me too?”

“When I left, they were discussing which local establishments they were planning to visit,” Spock said.

“Alright. If anyone else told me that, I don’t know that I would believe it,” Jim said lightly.

“I have no reason to alter the truth,” Spock said.

“You have every reason. But you never would,” Jim conceded.

“One reason I cannot win at poker,” Spock said, making the Captain laugh.

“Mostly it’s because you find it boring.”

“As you say, sir,” Spock responded with great formality, following his laughing Captain back to the table.

“Morning Captain,” Scotty said. “How are you feeling?”

“Better every day, Scotty. You are now everyone’s hero because you gave us an extra day of leave,” Kirk told him.

“Does the bairns no harm to stretch now and again.”

“Or you want more time to sample the local offerings,” the Captain suggested.

“Aye sir. That is true,” Scotty agreed.

“Who is in charge of Engineering while you’re on leave?” McCoy asked as he ate some of his fruit.

“Lt. Evers. She knows what must be done.”

“Because she had the finest teacher,” the Captain said.

“Thank you, sir. Has Starfleet said when we can go to space dock? There’s only so much chewing gum and bailing wire I’m willing to use on my engines.”

“I have complete faith in your repairs, Scotty. Last I heard, we’ll be assigned a slot in 25 solar days. Have you heard any differently, Mr. Spock?” the Captain asked.

“No sir. Twenty five days is their estimate at this time,” Spock said.

“Space dock Tycho?” Scotty asked.

"Yes. It was upgraded last year. They’ll have everything you’ll need,” the Captain said.

“Aye, that they will, sir. Lt. Commander Hill on Endeavor said they have the very latest in equipment.” Scotty said.

“Shore leave and space dock in one month, Jim? Have you been bribing the admiralty?” McCoy asked.

“If I thought it would help, I would have,” the Captain said, glancing up at the yeoman who had come looking for him. “Yes Yeoman Pierce?”

“I’m sorry to bother you, Captain,” the yeoman said.

“That’s fine. What can I do for you?”

“The concierge of Tortoga would like to go over the final details of shore leave when you have the time, sir.”

“Very well. Let the concierge know I will be in contact at 07:45.”

“Yes sir,” Yeoman Pierce said before leaving the mess.

“What final arrangements?” McCoy asked. “Matherson took care of it, didn’t he?”

“I’m sure he did. But some leave facilities worry we’ll overwhelm them,” the Captain said.

“Are you talking to the Lt before you talk to the planet?” Scotty asked.

“Yes,” Jim said. “What time is it now?”

“07:20,” Spock answered.

“Alright. I’ll find Matherson and talk to him before I contact the planet,” the Captain decided.

“I think he’s in ship’s stores, sir,” Scotty suggested.

“He does not report until 08:00,” Spock said.

“So maybe he’s eating with Lt Bailey,” the doctor said.

“They’re back together?” Scotty asked ideally.

“That’s what I hear. What he sees in her is beyond me,” McCoy said, shaking his head.

“She really is a bi….shrew,” Scotty agreed.

“No, she’s a bitch,” McCoy corrected.

“Bones,” Jim said in scolding.

“You know it’s true,” McCoy said.

“Doesn’t mean you have to resort to name calling,” the Captain said.

“What is it in her behavior that you find objectionable, doctor?” Spock asked.

“Haven’t you heard the way she talks to her staff? She’s a cleaning Nazi,” McCoy said.

“She responsible for the proper maintenance of all food preparation areas,” Spock said.

“That’s fine. Jim’s responsible for the entire ship. How often does he yell at any of us?” Bones asked.

“I have never known the Captain to raise his voice,” Spock confirmed.

“”Lt. Bailey only has one volume – too loud. And she barely gets along with any of the other crew members either,” Bones said in exasperation.

“She is that far out of control?” Jim asked with a frown.

“Completely, Jim. Doesn’t her staff complain to you?”

“No. Spock?” Jim asked.

“I have gotten no complaints, sir,” Spock said.

“They tell me every time I do the health and safety inspections,” McCoy said.

“Then talk to her, Bones. She does report to you,” the Captain reminded him.

“I have. It doesn’t do any good.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me?” Kirk asked.

“I was giving her one more chance. She used it up yesterday.”

“Alright. After I contact the concierge, we’ll talk to her,” the Captain decided. “Do you want to be there?” he asked Bones.

“Yes. Otherwise you might only hear one side of the story,” McCoy said. “And it won’t be mine.”

“I’ll let you know when I’ve finished with the concierge. Have her report to your office. Spock and I will join you there,” the Captain said.

“That’s fine,” McCoy agreed.

“Scotty, you go to the Bridge until we get there.”

“Aye sir,” Scotty agreed.

The Captain nodded, standing. “You don’t need to do that,” he protested when Scotty gathered up the used plates and silverware.

“It’s done already, sir,” Scotty said, walking away with his pile and a smile.

The Captain shook his head, going to the intercom to contact Lt. Matherson.

“Matherson here, sir.”

The Captain explained what he needed, Matherson responding that he was already in ship’s stores.

“I’ll be there momentarily,” the Captain said, accepting a fresh cup of coffee from Spock. “Thanks.”

“Let me know when you’re coming and I’ll contact Lt. Bailey,” McCoy reminded him.

“I will,” Kirk agreed. With a glance to Spock to make sure he was coming, they left the officers’ mess. “Did you input all the data from your research?” he asked conversationally as they strolled down the corridor.

“Yes I did. I will be submitting the results to the Interplanetary Astronomical Society after shore leave,” Spock said.

“Very good. Where is their conference this year?”

“On Baylor Major, sir,” Spock said.

“I hope you didn’t have plans to attend,” the Captain said in apology.

“As it is on the extreme opposite edge of Federation space, I knew my attendance at this year’s conference was impossible.”

“Why did they decide to have it there? It’s not exactly convenient for most of the Federation.”

“I believe it is because the current President of the Society is from Baylor Minor, sir,” Spock said.

“Still. How many Starfleet personnel will be able to attend?”

“A minority. There will be numerous other astronomers in attendance.”

“True. If you become President, we can host the conference on Enterprise,” the Captain laughed.

“Only if we evacuate all personnel first,” Spock said.

“And there still wouldn’t be enough room,” Jim acknowledged.

“As the possibility that I would seek the Presidency of the Society is nonexistent, it is of no consequence,” Spock assured him.

Without further comment from Kirk, they paused before the secure door to ship’s stores, the Captain using his command code to enter. Lt Matherson stood behind his large, immaculate desk at their entry.

“Captain, Commander,” the younger man said. He was tall and lean, brown hair in strict regulation style, his uniform impeccable, his posture perfect. Kirk tried unsuccessfully to imagine him dirty or with a torn uniform but it was impossible. Lt. Matherson could be the poster boy for Starfleet decorum and efficiency. And for all his propriety, there was still an easy manner about him, warm and welcoming.

“Before I contact the concierge, I need a briefing on all the arrangements,” the Captain said.

“Certainly sir. If you would like to sit at my computer, I have queued all of my correspondence and the responses for your convenience.”

The Captain and Mr. Spock went behind the desk, the Captain sitting in the Lt’s chair, Spock standing behind to also look at the computer screen. Kirk scanned all of the messages and responses, finding it all in perfect order as he expected. “Your usual excellent job, Lt,” the Captain said.

“Thank you, sir. The concierge is very gracious, very helpful. The crew will, I believe, be delighted by the opportunities available on the planet.”

“It would be hard not enjoy oneself, wouldn’t it?” the Captain said.

“Almost impossible, sir,” the Lt. Agreed.

“And you are on the second rotation?” the Captain asked.

“Yes sir. I’ll beam down with the first group to make sure all is in order. Once I’ve double checked the arrangements, I’ll return to the ship.”

“Very good,” the Captain said, sipping his coffee before contacting Lt. Akia.

“Uhura here, sir,” she responded, smiling at him from Matherson’s screen.

“You’re on duty early, Lt,” the Captain said with a return smile.

“Yes sir. I want to make sure everything’s taken care of so I can go on leave with a clear conscience,” she said.

“I’m confident you could do so right now,” the Captain said.

“Thank you, sir,” Uhura said, pleased by the kind words.

“The concierge is expecting me to contact him.”

“Yes sir,” Uhura agreed, pressing the appropriate series of buttons, her face dissolving to be replaced by the smiling face of the planet’s concierge. He was apparently from Earth, the Hawaiian Islands was Kirk’s guess.

“Captain,” the man said with a  booming voice.

“Concierge,” the Captain returned.

“Please, Captain, won’t you call me Kauhau?”

“With pleasure, Kauhau.”

“Your crew will begin arriving at 11:00 our time?”

“That’s our schedule currently. This is convenient for you?” the Captain asked politely.

“Absolutely. We look forward to greeting the crew of Enterprise. Do you have any personnel who require special accommodations?” Kauhau asked.

The Captain told him of those crew that need special provisions, Kauhau assuring him that the Lt. had mentioned all of them and that it would pose no problem at all.

“Very good,” the Captain said. “And you can accommodate us 100 at a time?”

“Most certainly. All of our facilities at your disposal,” Kauhau confirmed.

“Thank you,” Kirk said. “The crew has been instructed to provide you with their credit chips when they arrive. If there are any problems, please don’t hesitate to contact me or Lt. Matherson.”

“Of course, Captain. We have never encountered a problem with Starfleet personnel,” Kauhau assured him.

“That’s good to hear. I am confident our reputation will remain unblemished,” the Captain said.

“Without a doubt. Will you and your command crew be available to join us tonight for a welcome banquet? We’ll have local cuisine, entertainment. Most relaxing.”

“We would be honored, Kauhau. Thank you,” Kirk agreed.

“Very good. Details will be provided when you arrive.”

“I look forward to it,” Kirk said with a warm smile. “Are there any other matters which need our attention?”

“None at all. I look forward to meeting you in person,” Kauhau said.

“And I you. Kirk out.” Kauhau faded away and the Captain stood. “Thank you, Lt.”

“Not at all, sir. Will I see you on the planet?” Matherson asked.

“As you made all the arrangements for shore leave, you should join us at the banquet,” Kirk decided.

“That would be delightful sir. Thank you,” Matherson said with a smile.

“If Kauhau doesn’t provide you the details, I’ll make sure they are relayed to you.”

“Thank you, sir,” Matherson agreed.

“I’ll see you planetside, Lt,” Kirk said, checking to make sure Spock was coming before leaving Matherson’s office. “I know you have no interest in going tonight.”

“I sense you share my hesitancy, Captain,” Spock observed.

“I’d rather not go. But it would be far too rude to decline,” the Captain admitted. He stopped at an intercom, contacting the doctor to let him know they were on their way. They made their slow way to sickbay, several crewmembers stopping them to have a word with the Captain and his First Officer. Some of the conversations were important. Most were not. “Think the Romulans could make a personal clocking device?” the Captain laughed as they reached sickbay.

“Perhaps they have already developed one, sir. How could we know?”

The Captain really laughed at that, entering McCoy’s office.

“Hi,” Dr. McCoy said in greeting. “Everything taken care of for shore leave?”

“Absolutely. We’ve been invited to a welcome banquet tonight,” Kirk said with an air of resignation.

“Sounds like fun,” McCoy said brightly.

“Maybe,” Kirk responded, not sounding too hopeful. “Is Lt. Bailey on her way?”

“Be here any minute,” the doctor agreed. “Uniforms tonight?”

“I have no idea,” Kirk admitted. “It’s a good question. Spock?”

“I would suggest civilian dress, Captain. As we will be on shore leave on a planet known for its casual atmosphere.”

“He’s got a point,” McCoy agreed.

“Alright. You’ll tell Scotty?”

“Of course. Uhura coming?” McCoy asked.

“I haven’t invited her yet but I will,” Kirk said.

“Maybe she’ll wear her red dress. You know the one,” McCoy said with a smile.

“I do know. I also know you are old enough to be her father,” Jim scolded.

“Yeah but I ain’t dead,” McCoy laughed.

The Captain shook his head at his friend and sipped his coffee which he placed on McCoy’s desk when Lt. Bailey arrived. Her eyes widened when she saw the three men awaiting her.

“Captain. Commander. Dr. McCoy,” she said, slightly breathless. In contrast to Lt. Matherson, she always brought with her an air of disarray. Her brown hair was in a knot at the base of her neck, stray ends sticking out at random. Her uniform looked as though she had slept in it, and her boots were lacking in anything that could be described as a shine. Surely she and Lt. Matherson were not really dating.

“I have been told, Lt., that your behavior toward your staff is lacking in appropriate Starfleet decorum,” the Captain told her firmly.

“I’m not sure I understand, sir,” she said, the color creeping up her cheeks.

“You yell at your staff, Lt. You berate them for errors. I have heard you have used unacceptable language and have used unflattering terms to refer to members of your staff who fail to conform to your exact specifications.” He waited as she tried not to fidget under his watchful eyes.

“I…uhm…want to make sure everything is done right, sir,” she said quietly, unable to meet his eyes.

“By berating your staff, Lt.? Belittling does not motivate anyone. And it only diminishes you.”

“The work gets done, sir,” she said, her voice not entirely steady.

“That is not the point, Lt. I am not questioning the outcomes. I am telling you that your behavior is unacceptable. Dr. McCoy has warned you of the consequences of continuing in your standard procedures. You have failed to heed his warnings or given any credence to his advice. As a result, I am revoking your shore leave. You are confined to quarters for the duration of five ship’s days. During that time, you will research appropriate Starfleet methods of management including motivation techniques and suitable language. When I return from shore leave, you will provide to me a fifteen page summary of your findings.”

“Yes, sir,” she said quietly.

“I will allow you to retain your position over your crew. However, if you so much as think about stepping out of line, I will have you demoted. Do I make myself clear?” the Captain asked.

“Perfectly clear, sir.”

“Dr. McCoy,” Kirk invited.

“I have nothing to add, sir.”

“You are dismissed, Lt.,” the Captain said crisply. She nodded and left in a hurry but not fast enough that they failed to see the tears starting.

“Well done,” McCoy said in grim satisfaction.

“Think it will help?” the Captain asked, taking a sip of coffee.

“You probably got through to her even if I never have,” McCoy said.

“You’ll have to talk to her crew when she’s reinstated. Make sure she’s toeing the line,” the Captain reminded the doctor.

“That won’t be a problem. Thank you for talking to her.”

“Don’t wait so long to tell me next time,” the Captain requested.

“I’ll keep it in mind,” the doctor agreed.

“And try to avoid name calling or I’ll have to revoke your shore leave,” the Captain laughed.

“That’s hitting below the belt, Captain,” McCoy said with a distinct pout. “Anyway, I only said it to y’all.”

“True enough,” the Captain agreed. “You need anything else, Bones?”

“Not right now. I’ll see you in the transporter room at noon.”

“We’ll be there,” the Captain agreed, leaving sickbay with Spock close behind. “Do you want to go the Science lab, Spock? I think I can handle the Bridge for the three and a half hours.”

“Your competency is never in doubt,” Spock assured him.

“Thanks. Go on to your labs. I’ll see you in the transporter room at noon.”

“Very well. I will go back to ship’s stores for the trunks and tee shirts.”

“Alright. Let Matherson know that we aren’t wearing uniforms tonight. Ask if he has some appropriate attire that isn’t too outlandish for me and Bones.”

“Certainly sir.” Spock agreed

With a nod, the Captain continued in the direction they had been walking, Spock turning to go the opposite way. It didn’t take the Captain too long to arrive on the Bridge, telling Scotty and Uhura about the banquet. They agreed it would be fun and that they would find something appropriate to wear. With that, he settled into his command chair, automatically accepting the stack of reports to review and sign.

It didn’t seem possible when Lt. Sulu quietly told him that they had achieved orbit above the planet.

“Very good, Lt,” the Captain acknowledged.

The next two hours were a blur of activities as the relief crew took their places all over the ship, reporting in as required.

“It’s 11:30, sir,” Uhura told him with a smile.

He nodded and stood. “Lt Sulu, you have the Bridge. Contact me should anything out of the ordinary occur.”

“Of course, sir. Enjoy your leave,” Sulu responded.

“I plan to,” the Captain agreed. “Chekov, you’re his second. I expect you to keep him out of trouble and keep my ship safe.”

“Aye sir. You can be sure of that,” Chekov said with a smile.

The Captain nodded and after one final look around the Bridge, headed for the turbolift. Uhura followed him and he glanced over at the startling beauty of his communications officer, once more amazed at her inner and outer radiance.

“Dr. McCoy mentioned that you might wear your red dress to the banquet,” Kirk said casually.

He was rewarded with her delightful laugh. “I sure wouldn’t want to disappoint the doctor, would I, sir?”

“None of us do,” he said. “Are you sharing a bungalow with Nurse Chapel?”

“Yes sir.”

“Invite her to the banquet, Uhura. She can help us keep an eye on the doctor and Scotty.”

“She’ll enjoy that, sir. Thank you.”

He nodded, waiting for her to exit the lift before following her off. He continued on as she stopped at her quarters. He wanted to be surprised when he entered his quarters to find his tote packed and ready but in truth he had known it would be there waiting. After unnecessarily double-checking to make sure everything had been put in, including the hated medicine, he sat at his computer to check the messages one last time. They could all wait. With that, he collected his tote and headed for the transporter room. Scotty was there talking to his technician.

“Dr. McCoy will be here shortly, sir,” Scotty told him.

“And Spock?”

“You know he’ll arrive precisely at noon sir,” Scotty said.

“True. You have something to wear to the banquet tonight?”

Aye, sir. Lt. Matherson gave Mr. Spock a tame shirt, at least by Tortoga standards.”

“And by your standards, Scotty?” the Captain asked with a  smile.

Scotty just shrugged, returning his attention to the technician after the doctor arrived.

“You have your medication, right?” Bones asked the Captain in a quiet voice.

“I do. And sunscreen.”

“Good. Lt Bailey sent me a note, apologizing for stepping out of line.”

“Think it’s part of her reform?” Jim asked.

“Who knows. Can a leopard change its spots?”

“If she wants to stay in Starfleet she will,” the Captain said, smiling over at Spock as he entered the transporter room. “Good. We’re ready.”

“I apologize for any delay I may have caused, sir,” Spock said.

“You didn’t. Right on time, as always,” the Captain assured him, stepping onto the platform followed by the other three men. “Energize.”

They materialized on the transporter pad of the resort, greeted by three smiling women holding flower leis. “Aloha,” they said in unison. As the Captain, Scotty, and Dr. McCoy descended the steps, they were adorned with a fragrant lei and a light kiss on the cheek. Respectful of their Vulcan guest, the women bowed to him and made no attempt to touch him.

“Captain Kirk,” Kauhau said in greeting, shaking the Captain’s hand. “Aloha. Welcome to Tortoga.”

“Aloha, Kauhau. This is my first officer, Commander Spock. Chief Medical Officer Leonard McCoy. Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott.”

“Aloha, gentle beings. We are delighted to have you all with us. If there is anything you need, anything at all, I trust you will let me know.”

“We will, Kauhau, thank you. We’ll be attending the banquet tonight, along with three other officers. I hope that will not be an imposition,” the Captain said with a smile.

“Not at all, Captain. All of your officers are welcome. You’ll find the details in your bungalow. And as I know you are anxious to enjoy your leave, we have the resort trolley right outside to take you.”

“Thank you,” the Captain said, following their host to the sliding glass doors. As promised, just outside was a festive trolley with a yellow and white striped awning protecting the white seats. Their totes safely stored in the crates at the back of the trolley, they climbed aboard and the driver took them to their designated bungalow. It was the last in the line of smaller structures, #12 set apart from the others with a beach partially shielded by a natural outcropping of rocks. The rocks provided a measure of privacy the men automatically appreciated.

“Here we are,” the driver said, leading the way down the path bordered by lush foliage blooming with fragrant pink flowers. The bungalow was low with a wide porch in front, several comfortable chairs in the shade of the roof, fans overhead creating an artificial breeze. There were two doors, one for each of the sides. The two suites were mirror images, a sitting room in front with a convenient, tidy kitchen to one side. Across the sitting room in the back of the bungalow were the two bedrooms, all with comfortable looking beds, white slats making up the head and footboards, white inviting comforters covering the wide surface of the mattress. The walls were painted a soothing pale blue, the large widows open to let in the cooling ocean breeze and the sounds of the waves murmuring on the shore.

“Lovely,” the Captain said in approval of their accommodations.

“Thank you, Captain,” their driver said, sorting out the totes with Scotty’s help. “There is a full menu on the counter in the kitchen. Simply input what you’d like and the servers will bring it right down.”

“Thank you,” the Captain said with a nod.

“If you don’t need anything further, I’ll be going,” the driver said brightly.

“I appreciate your help,” the Captain said in acknowledgment.

The man nodded and left, whistling a tropical sounding melody.

Kirk had followed him out onto the porch, savoring the ocean view, the palm trees over head, the rope hammock strung between two of the sturdier trees.

“What do you want to eat, Jim?” McCoy asked, studying the gigantic menu.

“Mmm…I have no idea. The first thing I want to do is change into clothes more suited to vacation.”

“Good plan,” McCoy agreed. “Scotty, you know what you want?”

“A frozen drink with an umbrella in it,” Scotty said, making the others laugh.

“Now there’s a surprise,” Bones laughed.

“Are you changing, Spock?” the Captain asked. The Vulcan was surveying the contents of the refrigerator, finding a variety of fruits and vegetables already in supply.

“I do plan to change,” Spock agreed, closing the refrigerator doors after taking out two apples. He silently handed one to the Captain who accepted with a nod.

“I think I’ll put on swim trunks and pay my respects to the ocean,” Jim decided with a laugh.

“Always appropriate to show appreciation,” Spock agreed, going into his bedroom and closing the door.

Jim peeked into the common bathroom he would be sharing, amazed at the size of the room and the tub, complete with whirlpool jets. He would be taking advantage of that amenity during their stay. Closing the door, he stripped off his uniform to replace it with one of the new swim trunks and white tee shirt. Looking in the room’s closet provided two oversized beach towels which he took with him. His lei was on his bed, the pink of the flowers bright against the white background.

As he left, Spock was emerging from his bedroom, similarly dressed. “Are you swimming?” Jim asked casually.

“I too wish to pay homage to our watery host,” Spock said, making Jim laugh.

“Good,” the Captain said, going out to the porch to find Bones and Scotty still discussing the food available. “You still haven’t decided?” he asked, looking down at them where they sat in the porch chairs.

“We decided for us. We’re trying to decide for you two,” Bones told him.

“What you having?” Jim asked.

“Piaya. But I know you’d never eat that,” Bones said.

“Scotty?” Jim asked.

“I’m having coconut shrimp?” Scotty said happily.

“I’ll have that,” Jim decided.

“Alright. Spock, they have fruit kabobs. You want those?” Bones asked.

“Certainly,” Spock agreed.

“I’ll take care of it,” Bones said.

“Are you joining us on the beach?” Jim asked.

“Come back up here. I don’t want sand in my food,” Bones said.

“Alright,” Jim agreed, glancing at Spock before leaving the porch to cross the sand to stand beside the gloriously blue ocean, sparkling with the color of sapphires.

“Beautiful,” Spock said, looking out over the calm waters, inviting them to enter.

“Incredibly so,” Jim agreed. He turned and spread out one of the towels, setting the other on top of it. After peeling off his tee shirt, he watched Spock discard his, folding it neatly to put it on his towel. They walked together to the water’s edge, letting the gentle waves lap against their shins. Standing there in the warm sun, cool sand beneath his toes, the sound of the beloved ocean in his ears, his best friend standing next to him, Jim felt a sense of well-being come over him. He was indeed a very lucky man and his recent captivity could be put behind him.

“Jim?” Spock said softly, not wishing to break his spell.

“We’re very fortunate,” he replied quietly.

“We are indeed,” Spock agreed.

Jim took a deep breath and raced into the ocean, Spock close behind. They both dove under the water, surfacing and glancing back at the beach.

“It’s not too cold for you, is it?” Jim asked as he lifted his legs to float on his back.

“I would prefer it several degrees warmer. It is, however, quite refreshing.”

“It is,” Jim agreed. “What did you think the first time you saw the ocean?”

“I had heard that there were bodies of water as vast as our deserts. It is impossible to imagine the beauty and the majesty of an ocean until you have actually seen one,” Spock said.

“Bellarosa asked me about Earth,” Jim said. “I told her that there were more oceans than land masses. She had a hard time understanding the idea of an ocean.”

“No one can truly understand until they have seen one,” Spock agreed.

“When I first saw the ocean, I was twelve, I think. It excited me and terrified me.”

“Why were you terrified?”

“There are not landmarks. When you grow up surrounded by crops, you can always find your way home by following the rows. On the ocean, you have no rows. Only the stars. That’s when I started learning to navigate by the stars. So the ocean would no longer scare me,” Jim said.

“We are taught from a very young age to use the stars to point us home. Being lost in the desert is much like being adrift at sea.”

“No wonder so many Vulcans end up as astronomers,” Jim laughed.

“I have no doubt that if you had not joined Starfleet, you would have been a seafaring adventurer,” Spock said.

“Probably so. There was never any doubt that I would join Starfleet,” Jim said.

“It is where you belong.”

“Yes,” Jim agreed. “As do you.”

Spock did not bother to answer, both certain of the truth of the words. They floated in companionable silence, enjoying the warmth of the friendly sun, gazing up at the incredible blue of the sky. Jim did not know how long they had been floating when Spock lifted his head.

“Dr. McCoy is calling to us,” Spock told the Captain.

“Oh?”

“Lunch will be delivered in 10 minutes,” Spock relayed.

“I guess we better go back on shore.”

“It’s unlikely that he would bring our lunch to us,” Spock said.

“I don’t think I could eat while floating, like an otter does.”

“It would be convenient to have that ability,” Spock agreed before they turned over and swam to shore. After toweling off most of the ocean water, they pulled on their tee shirts and went up to the porch. A table had been set between four of the chairs, the service robot humming down the path.

“We need to get one of these for Enterprise,” Scotty said, admiring the sleek mechanical delivery man.

“Jim would need his own just for coffee,” McCoy laughed.

“That’s why I have yeomen,” Jim corrected lightly.

“True,” McCoy agreed.

“Are you two swimming?” Jim asked. “The water feels great.”

“I may,” McCoy said. “Any dangerous sea life out there?”

“We didn’t see any,” Jim assured him. “Scotty?”

“No, Captain. I’m planning to keep my feet on the land for at least today.”

Jim nodded, watching the service robot leave after setting out their lunch. “Are some of those native fruits?” he asked Spock.

“Yes. This blue one is native to Vulcan.”

“Do they grow it here, do you think?” McCoy asked.

“Quite possibly. Once established, it will flourish in environments other than Vulcan.”

This lead to a discussion between Spock and the doctor on other plants which could be successfully grown outside of their native habitats. Jim and Scotty traded a silent glance, Scotty nearly rolling his eyes but not quite.

When they were finished eating, McCoy sent for the service robot to come and clear away what was left. Scotty said he thought he would change into civilian clothes and take a stroll around the resort. McCoy allowed as how that sounded like a fine idea and he would join the stroll.

Jim and Spock returned to the beach, the Captain heeding McCoy’s warning and putting on sunscreen. Spock had brought a notebook with him, intending to correlate some additional research. Jim stretched out on his stomach on the towel, enjoying the warmth of the sand underneath. He watched Spock make meticulous notes on the papers and he considered asking about the research but decided it didn’t matter what it was.

“If you are planning to sleep, I suggest we find an umbrella,” Spock said, looking down at him from where he sat on his towel.

“I don’t intend to nap,” Jim told him.

“If you are quite sure.”

“I am,” Jim said, raising up on his elbows to look back at the bungalow in time to see McCoy and Scotty wave goodbye, dressed in their casual attire. Jim waved back, catching a glimpse of the bruises still encircling his wrists. “When I was being held,” he said quietly, “I kept thinking that if you were there, you would have found a way for us to escape.”

“From your description, it is most unlikely there was any escape possible. And it is you who most often determines how we may extract ourselves from captivity,” Spock told him.

“Or we think of it together.”

“Quite often that is the case,” Spock agreed.

Jim lay back down and closed his eyes, absorbing the warmth of the sun, being soothed by the waves of the ocean.

“At the risk of being a mother hen, may I suggest you go to our bungalow and sleep for a time?” Spock said, gazing down at him.

“I don’t need to sleep. I’m just soaking it all in.”

“Very well,” Spock said. “The quilt your mother sent was quite lovely.”

“It is, isn’t it? Log cabin has always been her favorite pattern.”

“There are others?” Spock asked.

“There are hundreds of quilt patterns. There are entire museums devoted to the art of making quilts. Does Vulcan have no similar art form?”

“We have weavers and other artisans who craft coverings. There is nothing comparable to your quilts,” Spock said.

“Mom tried making quilts once. She was too much of a perfectionist so they never would suit her,” Jim said.

“Self assessment is often much harsher than that of others,” Spock said.

“So I’ve noticed,” Jim agreed, turning over. “What are you doing?”

“Recording theories for future research.”

“Oh. So you do make it up,” Jim laughed.

“I formulate a hypothesis and then carefully determine if the evidence supports the theory.”

“You make it up,” Jim laughed again.

“Quite often,” Spock reluctantly admitted.

They remained as they were for quite a while, chatting about topics of no consequence, occasionally swimming in the cooling water, drying off in the warming sun.

“It is 17:30. The banquet is scheduled to begin at 18:30,” Spock said after they had been sitting on the porch having a refreshing fruit drink.

“Okay. I’ll jump in the shower. I sure hope Scotty and Bones come back soon.”

“I feel certain that they will,” Spock said.

“Do you want to see if they took their communicator?” Kirk asked, giving Spock his. Spock opened it, hailing the other men. Scotty responded, letting them know they were nearly back.

Jim nodded and went into the relative coolness of the bungalow. The shower was warm and refreshing, revealing a couple of spots where the sunscreen was not fully applied. When he was out, he pulled on the casual black pants Spock had packed for him, also donning the subdued Hawaiian shirt. It too was black with charcoal hibiscus gleaming faintly from its fabric. Much to Jim’s relief, it was long sleeved, covering the bruises. After pulling on his shoes, he went out to let Spock know he could have the bathroom. 

Spock acknowledged the information, disappearing into his bedroom. Jim sat on the porch next to Scotty who told him about the wonders of the resort.

“No wonder you were gone so long,” Jim laughed.

“I hope we didn’t worry you.”

“Not at all. I just didn’t want you to miss the banquet,” Jim said.

“We’d never allow that to happen,” Scotty said, standing with the Captain at the approach of Uhura and Christine Chapel. Uhura had on the red dress, shimmering and lovely. Christine wore a floral sarong, turquoise background with pink hibiscus. She was sporting a matching flower behind her ear.

“You ladies look especially beautiful,” Jim said in appreciation.

“The resort suits you,” Scotty agreed.

“Thank you,” Uhura said with a bright smile.

“Come sit,” Jim invited. The ladies accepted, talking a glass of fruit juice from Scotty. “How did you spend your day?”

“We went shopping,” Uhura said brightly. “Bought Chris this dress.”

“Time well spent,” Scotty said.

“Uhura bought one too,” Christine said.

“But I knew I couldn’t wear it tonight,” Uhura said.

“Well,” the Doctor said as he emerged. “Rarely have I seen two such lovely ladies.”

“Thank you,” Uhura said with a return smile.

“Thank you, doctor,” Christine said, standing. “Here.”

“Don’t be silly, Christine. You stay right where you are,” McCoy insisted.

She sat back, sipping her juice.

“Where are y’all staying?” McCoy asked.

“We’re in bungalow 3. Right down the beach. Ours isn’t quite as large as this one,” Uhura said.

“But it doesn’t have two sides,” Christine said.

“True,” Uhura said. She smiled up at Mr. Spock when he left the bungalow, dressing in loose fitting black pants and plain silk black tunic. “Hello."

“Uhura, Nurse Chapel,” Spock said with a tiny bow.

“I think we’re ready then,” Jim said. “Can you ladies walk to the banquet or should we send for the trolley?”

“These sandals are very comfortable, sir,” Uhura assured him.

“Very well,” Jim said going down the steps first, Spock at his side. McCoy was escorting Uhura, Scotty and Christine chatting quietly.

“It’s not too far down the beach,” McCoy was saying. “Scotty and I ran across it this afternoon.”

“It’s on a little outcropping,” Scotty added.

The Captain and Mr. Spock had little to say, the other four chatting about the beauty surrounding the path they were strolling down. When they reached the site of the banquet, Kauhau greeted them warmly and escorted them to their seats at a huge table groaning under all the weight of the food on display. Lt Matherson was already seated, standing at the approach of the others. The Captain sat in the designated chair, the others sorting themselves out, chatting with guests at the banquet, some native to the planet, several tourists vacationing on Tortoga.

It was quite an informal affair, Kauhau encouraging everyone to eat, drink, enjoy. It was hard not to relax under the beauty of the sky full of bright stars, the ocean breeze cooling them. There was lively entertainment, native dancers and men twirling lighted torches, women dancing what looked remarkably like the hula from Earth.

“Do civilizations simultaneously develop similar dances or was the hula brought here?” Scotty asked Spock ideally.

“There is evidence that humanoids develop similarly on their own,” Spock said. “I can recommend further reading material if you wish.”

“Thank you, no, Mr. Spock,” Scotty said politely, accepting another festive drink from their server.

Spock nodded, returning his attention to the dancers, glancing at the Captain who seemed uninterested in the entertainment. “Captain?” he said quietly.

“Huh?” Jim responded, focusing on Spock.

“You seem…bored.”

“No. I’m just tired,” Jim said.

“I will make our excuses to our host,” Spock said, standing.

“Thank you,” Jim agreed. He leaned over and quietly told McCoy who nodded in understanding.

“You lasted longer than I expected,” Bones told him.

“I’ll see you in the morning,” Jim said to them all when Spock returned.

“Good night,” the others said, watching Kirk and Spock walk back up the path.

“You weren’t bored, were you?” Jim asked.

“Not at all. It is always interesting to have the opportunity to observe native customs,” Spock said.

“It is,” Jim agreed. “And the food was really good.”

“Yes,” Spock said.

“I need to do some shopping tomorrow.”

“There is an open air market that holds much promise,” Spock suggested.

“That sounds perfect. I want to find a gift for Mom. And Bones’ birthday is in a couple of weeks.”

“I understood you no longer purchased gifts for him,” Spock said.

“I don’t normally. But this year I want to thank him.”

“I see,” Spock said.

“No you don’t,” Jim laughed as he often did.

“As you say.”

It wasn’t long before they arrived back at their bungalow, entering the sitting room together.

“Would it help for me to sleep on your floor?” Spock asked.

“That won’t be necessary, Spock. Thank you.”

“If you are certain,” Spock said.

“Quite certain. If I wake you up, come let me know,” Jim instructed.

“Of course.”

“I will leave my door open, if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all. Will it disturb you if I work on the computer?” Spock asked.

“You know it won’t. Good night,” Jim said.

“Sleep well,” Spock said, watching until Jim disappeared into his bedroom.

Jim took off his casual clothes, trading them for shorts and a fresh tee shirt. After taking care of the business in the bathroom, he got into bed, enjoying the cool sheets surrounding him. The open windows allowed a soft breeze to blow through, ruffling the light curtains around the floor to ceiling windows. The sound of Spock on the computer mingled with the sound of the ocean, soon lulling him to sleep.

He had no idea what time it was when he slowly woke. He supposed the time didn’t really matter. The complete darkness of the room told him it was the middle of the night. He didn’t know what had disturbed his sleep. A bad dream no doubt. Peeking over the edge of his bed to make sure Spock was not there, he slowly got up, going into the bathroom to empty his bladder. That done, he decided he was not ready to return to bed. He didn’t know why he was hesitant but he just wasn’t ready.

He quietly crossed the sitting area, pausing on the porch to look up again at the glorious stars over his head, the bright red moon reflecting off the dark ocean. It is so incredible tranquil here, he thought to himself. Carefully crossing the sand, he stopped at the hammock, laying crosswise in it, gazing out over the ocean. His left food pushed off the sand beneath, gently rocking the hammock.

Not many minutes passed before Jim sensed Spock crossing the sand toward him. Without speaking, Spock sat in front of one of the trees that supported the hammock, leaning back against it to divide his attention between the beauty of the ocean and the man behind him.

“When I joined Starfleet,” Jim began, “I realized that I was making a choice. I knew by choosing Starfleet, there were other choices I would never make. I watched my mother struggle to raise me and Sam when my father was away. I didn’t want to do the same thing to my family which meant I wouldn’t have one.” He paused, taking a deep breath. These were things he had never said to another soul. Things he had kept carefully hidden his entire life. “Taking the Captaincy of Enterprise was the realization of everything I wanted professionally. It meant that my personal life was…secondary. I made my peace with my decisions long ago. I knew I would never marry or have children. And I accepted that I was one of the last of our Kirk family.”

He had to stop again, gathering his thoughts and his calm. “Now there is a planet that will be populated in part with my children. Children I will never be allowed to see. To meet. To know or to hold. And you know what?”

“What Jim?” Spock asked softly, not sure he even heard.

“It pisses me off – utterly and completely. I understand why they needed help from the outside, from us. But we could have provided them with medical resources to reverse the sterility. We could have helped find ways to ensure that their race could continue. Instead they took from me something I would never willingly give anyone – my offspring.” He stopped again, silent for several minutes. “During all of this, I realized something else,” Jim said softly.

“What is that?” Spock asked, matching his tone.

“I have fallen in love, something else I thought was lost to me. By choosing not to have a family, I believed I was not capable of loving another person as you would a spouse. It turns out I was wrong.”

“Indeed,” Spock said, not quite a question.

“I’ve fallen in love with my best friend. Convenient I think. Unless I’m completely wrong about how he feels and leaves me.”

“You are not wrong. He has no intention of ever leaving you,” Spock promised.

“But there’s another problem with what they did to me on that planet,” Jim said sadly.

“Yes.”

“I want to…sleep with you. Next to you. Make love with you,” Jim said matter of factly. “But I can’t.”

“Not yet,” Spock amended.

“Will I ever, Spock? Can I overcome the revulsion I feel for what they did to me so that you can touch me? I can barely stand to touch myself even when I’m in the bathroom. How can I allow you to touch me?”

“Being touched in love will heal those wounds,” Spock said.

“Will it? I want to believe I will be able to let you caress me, but right now I can’t even imagine it.”

“It has only been three days, Jim. You must allow yourself time.”

“I guess,” Jim sighed. “Problem is…you. How much I want you. Crave your touch. But it also...unnerves me, the idea of it.”

“I am content to wait. For as long as it takes,” Spock assured him.

“You are always content to wait for me. You knew I was in love with you but you wouldn’t say anything,” Jim said.

“Like you, I was concerned my words might be disturbing to you,” Spock said. “If you were not ready to accept my love, I could not add to your burdens.”

“Your love is not a burden. It is my lifeline. It’s what I held onto the entire time I was imprisoned. I knew I had to survive, to return to you and tell you the truth.”

“Had you not spoken the words, I had decided I would tell you.”

“I’m glad,” Jim said. “Do you know why the quilt Mom sent is pink and green?”

“Because we are,” Spock said.

“It’s a not-so-subtle hint. It’s also a wedding present,” Jim said.

“I am glad she approves,” Spock said.

“You can be sure of that. We’ll put it on our bed once we…I can sleep with you.”

“Our bed,” Spock repeated very warmly.

“Has a nice ring to it,” Jim agreed. He looked up at the stars and sighed. “What do we do now?”

“We wait,” Spock said.

“We’ve already waited too long. I want you but I can’t have you,” Jim said in frustration.

“We will have plenty of time to cherish one another. To love one another.”

“I’m pretty sure I could kiss you. Nobody on the planet did that,” Jim said.

“We cannot. It will ignite a fire and we cannot extinguish it,” Spock said.

“Okay,” Jim said. “Can you sleep with me?”

“Yes. We will remain dressed in our bed clothes. That will help,” Spock said.

“I feel like I need to apologize to you.”

“You know that is unnecessary,” Spock said.

“I know. Even illogical. But I feel like I should have waited to tell you the truth when I was ready for it to be physical. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t wait any longer.”

“You are not alone in your love. Had you not spoken it, I would have,” Spock reminded him.

“Yes. Our lives have never been simple.”

“They have not. And now they have joined as they were meant to.”

“Will you marry me? Once I’m ready to consummate it?” Jim asked.

“Will you bond with me?” Spock asked in return.

“Yes.”

“As I will marry you,” Spock promised.

“I only wish we could start our honeymoon.”

“The hesitancy you are experiencing is a natural result of the actions of the women who imprisoned you.”

“Are you sure? I guess I’m a little afraid I’m overreacting.”

“You are never afraid, Jim, not for yourself. And you are certainly not overreacting to their treatment of you.”

“You’ve talked to Bones, haven’t you?”

“I wanted to know what to expect when I told you of my love. Without telling him why, I inquired about what we should expect concerning your state of mind. His description aligns very closely with your reactions,” Spock said.

“I guess that’s reassuring.”

“It is meant to be. Do you wish to meld with me?” Spock invited.

“Not yet, please.”

“I respect your decision.”

“I’ll feel your love and your desire. Your love I cherish. Your desire is…”

“You are not ready,” Spock acknowledged.

“Not yet. Have you slept?”

“I was asleep until you woke,” Spock said.

“Do you think we could sleep in this hammock?” Jim asked.

“I would require a blanket.”

“Oh, It’s not warm enough for you,” Jim said in realization.

“While it is pleasant sitting here, I would be too cool to sleep.”

“I understand,” Jim said, taking another deep breath. “Now that I’m confessing to you, can I tell you one last feeling I’m struggling with?”

“You are welcome to confide in me on any matters,” Spock assured him.

“Yes,” Jim acknowledged. “I feel guilty about the fact that they succeeded in forcing me to give them what they wanted.”

“You were coerced, Jim.”

“I know. But I kept thinking if I had listened to you all those times you tried to teach me mind control, they wouldn’t have won.”

“The drugs made control impossible whenever they administered them,” Spock said.

“Does Bones know what they used?”

“He reported that it is a chemical designed to defeat your mental and physical defenses.”

“It sure made me sleepy. Which is why I finally asked them to stop giving it to me. Which increases my guilt,” he sighed.

“You know that your guilt is misplaced,” Spock assured him. “How are the abrasions on your genitals?”

“Healing. The skin’s a little sore still. The salt water is helping.”

“And the assault on your rectum?” Spock asked.

“Not as bad as it had been. The suppositories are helping.”

“You will recover emotionally as well. It will take more time,” Spock said gently.

“Yes, I know,” Jim sighed.

“Will you come to bed with me?” Spock asked, gracefully standing and looking down at Jim with love reflected in his deep black eyes.

“Maybe I’m not ready,” Jim said, shaking his head. “I’m sorry.”

“I apologize for…”

“You don’t need to apologize. I thought I was ready to sleep with you. But I’m not,” Jim confessed.

“Do you wish to return to our bungalow?” Spock asked softly.

“If I stay here, will you sleep?”

Spock simply looked down at him, his silence the only answer Jim needed.

“What time is it?” Jim asked.

“01:23 local time. 02:43 ship’s time. I will go in for a blanket and sleep on the sand.”

“No,” Jim said, leaving the hammock. “I’m coming.”

Spock nodded, walking with him across the sand and onto the porch.

“Go to bed, Spock. I’ll be fine,” Jim said, looking up at him.

“Will you sleep?” Spock asked softly.

“I think so. I need to,” Jim admitted.

“I will go next door and request medication from Dr. McCoy.”

Jim shook his head at that. “No. I’ll be okay. Go to bed.”

Spock nodded and with obvious reluctance entered the bungalow, leaving the door to his bedroom open.

Jim sat in one of the chairs on the porch, concentrating on the soothing sounds of the ocean. If he could stop thinking, it would help.

“Please tell me you just got up,” McCoy said, pulling weary fingers through his hair as he sat next to Jim.

“Go back to bed, Bones. I’m fine.”

“You really think tellin’ me makes it true?” McCoy asked in challenge.

“Why are you out here?” Jim asked in part to divert the doctor’s attention.

“Spock isn’t your only friend who knows you are sufferin’. I may not be telepathic but I know you are barely sleepin’.”

Jim sighed at that, turning to look at McCoy’s worried, caring blue eyes. “I…uhm…Spock and I talked. About a lot of things.”

“Good. About damn time.”

“Yes. I told him that…how I feel about him,” Jim said.

“And since he’s in love with you too, there’s no reason you shouldn’t be in his bed,” McCoy said.

“Except I can’t. I can’t let him touch me,” Jim said.

“And I said I am content to wait,” Spock said, coming out to sit next to Jim.

“Of course,” Bones said. “You have to know that victims of rape shy away from intimacy at first, Jim.”

“For how long?” Jim asked, sounding hopeless to his own ears.

“For as long as it takes to heal. There’s no timeline for overcoming the trauma of abuse,” McCoy assured him.

“I want to be done with it,” Jim said in anger.

“And you will, Jim. Let us help,” McCoy said gently.

“You are,” he sighed. “Both of you.”

“May I recommend that you stay here as long as we are in orbit?” McCoy suggested. “It will give you time to rest and to recover completely.”

“I don’t know,” Jim hedged.

“I will remain,” Spock said.

“Are you willing to leave me?” Jim asked Bones.

“Absolutely. I’m seconds away by transporter. You need me for any reason, I’ll be here.”

“I need to think about it,” Jim said.

“And I’m not sayin’ you stay in isolation. You can check on your ship anytime you want. Just stay down here and do it,” McCoy said.

“What will the crew think? If I stay planetside when they can’t?”

“That you are their Captain. No one else has the burdens of command. They also know something happened to you on the planet. They don’t know what but they can see it in your eyes, in the weary way you move,” Bones said.

“I’m not hiding it particularly well, am I?” Jim asked.

“Not particularly. Think about it. That’s all I’m askin’,” McCoy said, standing up. “Do you want something so you can sleep?”

“No. I’ll be okay,” Jim said, looking up at him.

“Then I’m going back to bed,” McCoy said, wishing them good night.

“The doctor is right,” Spock said when Bones was in his bungalow.

“About which part?” Jim asked.

“You need time, Jim. Take advantage of this place. Take some time for yourself while you can,” Spock said.

“If, and I’m only saying if, I do stay, will you get bored?”

“There are far too many fascinating facets to this planet for me to be at a loss for activity.”

“You’re never bored, are you?” Jim asked.

“Only when the doctor insists on sharing his latest theories with me.”

“On what?” Jim laughed.

“Everything it seems,” Spock said.

“He does like to hear the sound of his own voice,” Jim agreed affectionately.

“A trait he shares with many humans. Of which you are not one.”

“Thank you. You might get tired of the sound of my voice if we do stay, “Jim warned lightly.

“That will never happen.”

Spock’s response make Jim smile. He hadn’t said what he did to gauge Spock’s reaction. But Spock’s simple assurance was as heartwarming as anything he could have possibly said.

“I think I’m ready to try and sleep,” Jim decided.

Spock nodded and stood, waiting.

“Will you tuck me in?” Jim teased.

“I would be honored,” Spock said. Jim could hear the amusement in the words.

“It’s been a long time since anyone tucked me in,” Jim said.

“Then it is time once more,” Spock decided, following him into his bedroom. Jim got into his bed, feeling safe and secure when Spock pulled up the covers. His sense of security was heightened even more when Spock sat on the bed next to him.

“From what I know of human parental traditions, a story follows the ritual of tucking in,” Spock said.

“Uh huh,” the Captain agreed. “And it has to start ‘once upon a time…’”

“Most assuredly,” Spock agreed. “Once upon a time,” he began to Jim’s nod of approval. “There was a little boy. He was a lonely child, never able to find a place he truly belonged. Some would say this little boy was sad. But where he was born, that was not permitted.

“Eventually this little boy grew up and became an officer on a ship. He was not the Captain of the ship. His captain was from a different place than the boy who had grown up. For all their differences, the two men became friends. The best of friends. The little boy who had grown up looked up to his Captain because he was brave and smart and clever and had the most beautiful eyes the little boy who had grown up had ever seen.

“The Captain with the beautiful eyes accepted the little boy in a way no one had ever done before. For this reason, and so many others, the man who had been the sad boy fell in love with his Captain. He rejoiced when his Captain returned his love. Because more than any other gift the Captain with the beautiful eyes gave to the man, the Captain gave the little boy a home.”

“And they lived happily ever after,” Jim said with a smile bright enough to compete with the sun had it been shining.

“Most assuredly,” Spock agreed, kissing his Captain with the beautiful eyes on the forehead.

“Thank you, little boy who grew up to be the very best friend this Captain has ever had.”

“I love you, Captain with the beautiful eyes,” Spock returned. The words came easily, naturally. He found he appreciated their sound and the pleasure they brought to Jim. He stood, gazing down at the man who held his heart. Spock knew it was safely entrusted to his care.

“Say it again?” Jim requested.

“I love you,” Spock repeated, allowing the words to be accompanied by one of his very rare smiles.

“Nice, isn’t it?”

“Very nice,” Spock agreed.

Jim sighed deeply and turned on his side, still looking up at Spock. “You know I want you to stay.”

“I do know. And I will leave,” Spock said. “Sleep well, Captain.”

“You too, little boy who grew up,” Jim said, letting his eyes drift closed.

Only when Spock was sure the Captain with the beautiful eyes was asleep did he return to his own bedroom. He got into bed, marveling at the fact that he was able to tell Jim that story. And then to give him the gift of the three most cherished human words. Being in love was going to take some adjustments. As Spock fell asleep, he considered how much he was looking forward to making them.

Absolution: Chapter 4