“Kirk here,” he said in response to Uhura’s hail.

“I have Starfleet Command for you, sir,” Uhura told him. “Top priority.”

“Very well. I’ll take in my quarters. I’ll be there shortly,” he informed her.

“Yes, sir,” she automatically replied.

Captain Kirk reversed his course, returning to his quarters where he had spent the better part of the afternoon in uneasy contemplation. The milk run they were on left him way too much time to think, and he had been. The conclusions he had reached were still unsatisfactory.

“I’m ready, Lt,” he informed Uhura when he was settled behind his desk and had activated his comm link.

“Yes, sir,” she said, pressing the appropriate set of butons so that she faded and the Admiral appeared in her place.

“Captain,” the Admiral said by way of greeting.

“Admiral,” Kirk responded in a studied neutral voice.

“Let me get straight to the point, Captain,” the Admiral said, not one to engage in small talk even when the occasion required it.

“Yes, sir,” Kirk agreed.

“Starfleet has received and considered the request to have your first officer reassigned.”

“My first officer?” Kirk repeated, certain he had misunderstood.

“The request for transfer was transmitted a solar week ago,” the Admiral told him impatiently.

“I know nothing of this request, sir,” Kirk said when he was finally able to respond, hoping his voice sounded steadier to the Admiral than it did inside his own head.

“How is that possible, Captain? All transfer requests must be sent through command channels.”

“I am aware of the regulations, Admiral. I am unaware of any transfer requests coming from my ship,” Kirk said firmly.

“Then I suggest you discuss that with Commander Spock. And while you are talking to him, you can inform him that his request is denied.”

“Yes, Admiral,” Kirk responded automatically.

“Starfleet out,” the Admiral said with a curt nod, Kirk’s screen fading to a luminous grey.

Spock had requested a transfer. Without telling him. Without discussing it with him. He could hardly grasp the idea of it. He was…astonished he supposed was the closest he could come to describe his reaction. And angry. Really angry. And…. no, those other thoughts had no business being in his head right now.

What would have prompted Spock to do such a thing? Behind his back?

Kirk had felt a subtle shift in their relationship soon after the completed mission to Babel. Kirk couldn’t put a name to the difference but he sensed a distance between them that had not previously existed. As though Spock’s carefully constructed barriers against all things human had been fortified to keep even Kirk at more than arm’s length.

“Mr. Spock,” Kirk said into his intercom.

“Spock here, sir.”

“Report to my quarters,” Kirk ordered.

“Yes, sir,” Spock answered. Had Kirk not known the Vulcan so well, he would not have perceived the slight hesitation in his response. But clearly he did not know his first officer as well as he thought. What could have happened that would cause Spock to request to leave Enterprise?

“Come,” Kirk called automatically when his chime signaled. He silently watched Spock approach until he stood rigidly on the opposite side of the Kirk’s desk, his hands clasped tightly behind his back. His face was as tightly closed as his fists, Kirk unable to read anything there.

“I have just received a message from Starfleet Command,” Kirk said, staring up at Spock from where he still sat.

“Yes, sir,” Spock responded, staring at a spot on the wall above and behind the Captain’s left shoulder.

“Your request for a transfer has been denied,” Kirk informed him through clenched teeth.

“I see, sir.” Spock chanced a look down at his Captain’s face, finding the anger there he knew would be present. Kirk’s eyes were narrowed, the muscle in his jaw working furiously.

“ ‘I see, sir.’” Kirk nearly spat out at him. “You go behind my back and request a transfer. You don’t discuss it with me. You don’t even do me the courtesy of telling me. And when I tell you I know, ‘I see, sir’ is all you have to say?” Kirk stood, his anger making him rise to his feet to stare at Spock. He could not remember a time when he was more angry and he didn’t especially like it.

“I apologize for my failure to inform you, Captain.”

“Then why didn’t you?” Kirk demanded.

“I did not wish to argue with you about my decision, sir,” Spock said, his voice quiet but firm.

“Why Spock? Why did you ask for a transfer at all?” Kirk asked, some of his anger evaporating. In its place was … regret, sadness? Even the Captain wasn’t sure.

“I…I believe it is the wisest course of action. For us both, Captain.”

“The wisest course of action? That doesn’t even begin to answer my question,” the Captain pointed out.

“It is imperative, sir, that the First Office of any starship have the complete confidence of his Captain. I am no longer certain that that is true of us,” Spock said, his calm demeanor firmly in place. But Kirk could see the Vulcan’s struggle to remain in control.

“What in the name of blue blazes would make you think such a thing, Spock?” Kirk asked, studying the taller man.

“Careful observation, sir.”

“Observation of what?” Kirk demanded.

“If we are to continue this conversation, sir, may I respectfully request that you no longer shout at me?” Spock asked, his eyes still fixed on the spot only he could see.

“You can hardly blame me, Spock. I thought we were friends. True friends,” Kirk said in a more modulated tone.

“We were, sir,” Spock agreed.

“Were?” Kirk heard himself repeat. The word was nearly strangled by the constriction in his throat.

“Your term, Captain,” Spock reminded him.

“What has changed so dramatically, Spock? That you would request a transfer off Enterprise without first talking to me?”

“You have, sir,” Spock said softly.

“I don’t understand,” Kirk admitted, a quiet plea for clarification. Not a demand. A need to know.

“Once we completed the mission to Babel, sir. You no longer confided in me, talked with me, except when we were on duty.”

“You can’t be right about that, Spock,” Kirk responded, hoping very much that Spock was wrong. But he knew better.

“I am, sir. We have not had any interaction outside of our official duties. While that is your prerogative, Captain, I can only conclude that for reasons of your own, you no longer trust me. You no longer wish for me to serve as your First Officer.”

“Shouldn’t you have asked me what I thought?” Kirk said matching Spock’s even tone.

“How, sir? Each time I approached you, you would turn and walk the other way. You take your meals in your quarters. You repeatedly refused my invitation to place chess. How could I have discussed anything with you, sir?”

It was true, Kirk was forced to admit to himself. He had been avoiding Spock. But for reasons he was sure Spock could not know. Would not accept once he did know. “Sit down, Spock,” Kirk requested, gesturing to one of the chairs facing the desk. Spock hesitated momentarily, glancing at the Captain. “Please.”

Spock sat stiffly, watching impassively as the Captain rounded his desk to sit in the chair next to Spock, a safe distance between their bodies so they did not inadvertently come into contact.

“What I must tell you may renew your efforts to be granted that transfer, Spock. And if that is the case, I will make certain that they approve it,” Kirk promised.

Spock did not indicate that he had heard but Kirk knew he had the Vulcan’s full attention.

“I’m pretty sure,” Kirk began somewhat hesitantly, measuring each word carefully, “that when we were on Vulcan, we became more fully…attached.”

“It was not my intention to bond with you, Captain,” Spock said very evenly.

“I know it was not your intention, Spock. But since your Pon Farr, I’ve read up on it. You should not have survived when T’Pring rejected you, when she forced us to fight. You did survive thank the gods. And you did it by replacing her bond with ours,” Kirk said matter of factly.

“Yes, sir,” Spock admitted, albeit reluctantly. “I had thought you would be unaware of the bond. We can return to Vulcan and have a healer server it.”

“I don’t want it severed,” Kirk said gently but adamantly. “Although it is the lightest of touches, I cherish being connected with you in a way only possible for Vulcans.”

“You are not…angered by my actions?” Spock asked as though it could not possibly be true.

“Just the opposite, Spock. I had planned to talk with you about it and all that it meant. I was going to ask if you would be willing to deepen and strengthen it.”

Spock considered this new information. It was unexpected. But not unwelcome. “Why did you not discuss it with me, as you had planned?” Spock finally asked, studying the human before him.

Kirk stood and paced slowly away from Spock and back again. “I…well, my Vulcan friend, it seems as though I have fallen in love with you,” he finally admitted.

Spock’s expression did not change. Kirk didn’t know whether or not this was a good thing. “You seem uncertain,” Spock responded after a brief silence.

“Not about how I feel,” Kirk assured him. “About how you might react when I told you.”

“It was what I would have prayed for, Jim, were that my custom,” Spock admitted, wanting to assuage any of Jim’s doubts.

“Yes,” Kirk nodded. “I had hoped you were in some measure aware of my feelings, and in your own way, loved me as well.”

“I love you in every way,” Spock said softly, astounding even himself with his words.

Jim sighed at his words and resumed pacing.

“Now that you are aware that your feelings are indeed reciprocated, why are you still troubled, Captain?” Spock asked into the too quiet room.

“That’s why. I’m your commanding officer, Spock.”

“There is no regulation forbidding our coupling,” Spock assured him.

“But we…you are subordinate to me,” Kirk said in some uncertainty.

“Yes,” Spock acknowledged.

“I worried about that. That you might automatically acquiesce to me because obeying me is in your blood,” Kirk said, staring down at the floor as the color rose unbidden in his cheeks.

“I do not deem it necessary to obey you when we are not on duty,” Spock said.

“Can you be sure? If I ordered you to start my shower, wouldn’t you do it?” Kirk challenged.

“Quite probably. If I requested the same of you, would you comply?”

“Maybe,” Kirk hedged.

“I sense that is not the full extent of your hesitation,” the ever perceptive Vulcan said.

“I almost had myself convinced that you would be my equal in the bedroom,” Kirk said, wishing he had phrased it more eloquently. But Spock understood.

“What occurred to undermine that conviction?” Spock asked.

“Meeting your parent,” Kirk admitted.

“My parents,” Spock repeated.

“Amanda is…subject to Sarek,” Kirk said, frowning at the memory.

“Ah…” Spock said in understanding. “Vulcan society is very structured. You perceive that women do not have the same standing as the men.”

“Amanda did as she was told. What Sarek told her to do,” Kirk said.

“Yes,” Spock acknowledged.

“Is that what you expect from a …mate? Obedience?” Kirk had to ask. He had to know.

“Sarek is from a different generation than I, Captain,” Spock pointed out.

“We’re talking about us, Spock. Why do you keep calling me Captain?” Kirk asked, studying the other man.

“In order to keep my focus on the topic.”

“Rather than…?”

“You,” Spock responded.

Kirk sighed heavily at the word, resuming his pacing in silence, slow and deliberate.

“That troubles you?” Spock asked unnecessarily.

“Yes,” Kirk admitted. “You are far stronger than I am, Spock. You could …take what you wanted and I would be unable to stop you.”

Realization came to Spock at that moment. “You are concerned that I would expect acquiescence in all things. As you perceive my mother acquiesces to my father.”

“Yes,” Kirk reluctantly admitted. “I went from being concerned that you would obey me to being…worried that I would… that you would expect me to submit to you,” Jim said, his last words barely above a whisper.

“Surely you know that love is not about power,” Spock said.

“Power,” Kirk repeated softly.

Spook waited silently, watching the emotions flicker across the other man’s face, the face he cherished more than the life that coursed through his own veins.

“When humans…make love,” Kirk began than stopped.

“Men are often in the position of power,” Spock finished for him.

“Yes,” Kirk had to agree.

“You command a Starship. Can you relinquish that power in bed?” Spock spoke the words Jim could not.

“I’m not proud of these doubts,” Jim said.

“You are the Captain. You must remain so sleeping and awake.”

“And in between,” Kirk added ruefully. “If you and I were to make love…”

“It is very complex,” Spock agreed.

“I’m taking this as a foregone conclusion, Spock,” Jim said, sitting in the chair next to him to study the Vulcan’s face. “Would you fully agree to….”

“Yes, Jim. You are an indelible part of me. You always have been. If it were not so, our bonding on Vulcan would not have been possible,” Spock said softly, warmly.

Kirk considered those words a moment, more beautiful than he could have hoped to hear. But doubts still plagued him. “Do you never worry about obeying me in bed? I know. I know. Worry is a human emotion,” he finished lightly.

“I had been about to say that I had considered it,” Spock said verging perilously close to smiling.

“I’m sorry. Please go on,” Kirk requested.

“When we play chess, or swim in the pool, I have no concerns about being the victor. Other captains might not allow subordinates to triumph. It does no harm to your ego when I win.”

“I don’t like to lose,” Kirk said with a shrug.

“Nor do I. Victory is much more satisfactory. But you are gracious in all contests, win or lose.”

“Making love isn’t a contest,” Kirk pointed out.

Spock raised one elegant eyebrow, his only response.

“Alright. I guess it is about conquest. Sometimes.”

“You make love to women because you can.”

“Because they allow it,” Kirk agreed.

“And because you believed I would not.”

“They weren’t all surrogates for you,” Kirk protested half heartedly.

“I did not intend to imply that they were,” Spock returned.

“Most of them,” Kirk conceded although he knew Spock already was fully aware of that particular truth. “So where does that leave us, Spock?”

“Where do you wish for it to leave us, Jim?” Spock asked softly.

Jim was about to respond when his intercom demanded his attention.

“McCoy to the Captain,” it ordered.

“Kirk here,” he responded automatically, staring at Spock.

“What’s wrong, Jim?” McCoy demanded.

“Nothing’s wrong, Doctor. Why do you ask?”

“You aren’t on the Bridge,” Bones said in some alarm.

“I’m in my quarters,” the Captain said.

“Why?”

“I’m …meeting with Spock,” he said.

“I’ll be right there,” the doctor responded.

“That isn’t necessary,” Kirk said. But it was useless. Dr. McCoy had already broken off communications. “I’m sorry,” Jim said to Spock.

“There is no need for you to apologize,” Spock assured him. “Perhaps I should go before he arrives.”

“No. You aren’t getting out of it that easily.”

“Out of what, precisely?” Spock asked.

Jim thought he was joking but wasn’t completely sure. It proved to be a moot point when Dr. McCoy entered without requesting permission. He seemed to be in no particular hurry, detouring by Jim’s sleeping area before coming to study the other two men.

“What are you looking for?” Jim asked.

“I was wondering if the two of you had finally come to your senses and gotten on with it.”

“Gotten on with what, Doctor?” Spock asked in complete innocence.

“Am I going to have to bang your heads together?” McCoy demanded. “You’re both love sick. Do something about it!”

“I am quite well, Doctor. I am suffering from no illness at this time,” Spock assured him.

“Jim,” Bones pleaded.

“Spock is teasing you,” Jim confirmed. “And don’t bother denying it,” he warned Spock lightly.

Spock inclined his head a mere two degrees, sufficient to concede the truth of Jim’s words.

“So are you going to finally do something about the way you feel?” Bones asked.

“We were talking about that very topic when you barged in,” Jim told him.

“And?”

“It is very complex,” Spock said.

“You love each other. What’s so complicated about that?” Bones asked in exasperation.

“We hadn’t intended to discuss this with anyone else,” Jim reminded him quietly.

“I’m not just anyone,” McCoy pointed out.

“Is discussing the possibility of intimacy common among humans?” Spock asked.

“Nothing about the two of you could ever be considered common,” Bones retorted.

“Thank you, I think,” Kirk responded with a laugh. “Did you know I was avoiding Spock?”

“The entire crew knows, Jim. What they don’t know is why.”

“Do you?” Jim asked, not sure he wanted the answer.

“I have my theories,” McCoy replied. “But that hardly matters. This is a case of the whole being even greater than the sum of its parts.”

“Now we’re an equation?” Kirk asked with a chuckle.

“Shift is over in two hours,” McCoy said, ignoring Kirk’s comment. “Scotty can remain in command. You two can remain right here.”

“It’s not that simple,” Kirk protested.

“Overthinking it makes it complicated. You love each other. Allow it to be physical as well as emotional,” McCoy said in exasperation.

“The Captain has some concerns about the disparity in our ranks,” Spock said smoothly.

“Do you?” McCoy asked Spock.

“None,” Spock said.

“Alright then,” the doctor said in finality.

“I am also concerned about being…overwhelmed,” Kirk was forced to admit.

“Spock would never do that to you, Jim. Especially once your bond is fully formed. He’ll know if you are hurt or frightened or have any reservations about anything either of you may decide to try.”

“You know we are bonded?” Kirk asked in surprise.

“Of course I do,” McCoy said.

“How?” Kirk had to ask.

“It’s my job to know,” McCoy told him simply. “Spock will guide you both in fully completing it.”

“If we are intimate, the bond will be an outcome of our physical joining,” Spock said.

“If he were to hurt you, he’ll know,” McCoy emphasized.

“Do you believe he would?” Kirk asked.

“I believe you think he may,” McCoy said. “Vulcans are stronger than humans. It’s a fact.”

“Do Vulcans mate recreationally?” Kirk asked suddenly.

“Yes,” Spock said simply.

“And you desire Jim,” McCoy stated.

“Yes,” Spock repeated, his voice a degree huskier than usual.