Part 1

He was standing in the corridor having a discussion with an overly enthusiastic ensign when he felt it begin. There was a warmth in his groin that spread up and out. It didn’t take long until his entire body was burning with the fever, and he could feel the line of perspiration on his lip. It was matched by the sweat that was trickling down his back, between his shoulder blades, rolling lower, disappearing into the crease below his waist.

“Are you all right, sir?” the ensign asked, concerned by the flush creeping up the Captain’s face.

“Yes, ensign. Thank you. Your report is quite thorough. Thank you. Carry on.”

“Yes sir,” he said before leaving down the corridor. If the Captain said he was all right, who was he to argue?

“Kirk to McCoy,” the Captain said into the nearest wall intercom.

“McCoy here.”

“It’s started. Institute Red Sands.”

“Understood. McCoy out.”

Kirk knew that all the details would be taken care of now. All he needed to do was return to his quarters and wait for Spock to come. The way he felt he knew it wouldn’t be long before his bondmate was drawn to him.

When he arrived at their quarters, he made sure everything was as ready as possible. There was plenty of lubricant on the bedside table, and next to it he placed a large carafe of ice water. He also checked both their closets, finding plenty of clean sheets. He had no idea how many times they would need to change their beds and he wanted to be certain the linens were in adequate supply. Lights down to 50% helped make the room more inviting and increasing the temperature 5 degrees would relax Spock.

Where was Spock? he wondered. The fever had ignited their bond and he was unable to locate Spock or to contact him. The heat forced him to stay away from the bright tendrils that were normally a source of comfort and connection. He had already been in his quarters for at least 20 uncomfortable minutes. As aroused as he was, as consumed by the fever as a human could be, why wasn’t Spock with him already?

“Captain Kirk to Mr. Spock,” he finally said into his intercom. A few moments passed before he got a response.

“Spock here sir.”

Kirk could hear the slight strain in the normally serene voice. “Report to quarters,” Kirk ordered. If he wasn’t coming on his own, the Captain would take matters in hand. The fire of their bond was tempered by the verbal contact, and Kirk was able to transmit love and assurance to Spock.

“Yes sir,” Spock responded, returning mental gratitude.

Kirk breathed a sigh of relief when the door finally slid open to admit Spock. He looked slightly frazzled. His uniform was in precise order, his hair impeccable. But his face was showing the strain of a force he could not control, and the bond reignited at his proximity to the Human.

“Where have you been?” Kirk asked gently, watching him try to answer. He had to ask aloud, his voice safe, the bond too engulfed in flame to communicate.

“In the astrophysics lab,” Spock finally said.

“Well, it hardly matters. You’re here now,” Kirk responded, reaching for him and pulling him into a hug. “Computer engage privacy lock. Allow only CMO McCoy override.”

“Alpha shift started only 1.2 hours ago,” Spock said in some uncertainty. Surely the Captain could not be planning to simply disregard their duty. Duty came first, personal needs and desires disregarded until responsibilities were dispensed with. Adhering to their duty was in their blood. They were no more capable of disregarding their obligations than they could ignore each other. Impossible.

“We are relieved of duty. Until further notice,” Jim explained gently. “Neither of us will be able to function for…a while.”

“Are you unwell?” Spock asked the top of Jim’s head. That could be the only possible reason that the Captain would not be on the bridge, in command of his starship and his crew. Why did he not know that his bondmate was ill?

“Oh love. You have entered pon farr. Or I guess we have,” Jim said.

“Mmm….” Spock sighed, holding more tightly to Jim’s cooler body.

“Didn’t you know?” Jim asked, caressing the Vulcan’s hotter than normal back.

“I think I did. However I am accustom to suppressing the desire I always feel for you during our shift,” Spock confessed.

“Sounds familiar,” Jim agreed. “We don’t have to suppress anything right now, my love.”

“I am not as confident as you are, t’hy’la. These are forces beyond my control,” Spock said in soft warning. He backed away just enough to look into Jim’s eyes, seeing the love and compassion reflected there. Still he was afraid of what might be about to happen to them both. If he hurt his love, if the mating imperative was stronger than them both, would Jim ever be able to forgive him? Would he forgive himself? That could be even more difficult to accomplish.

Jim shook his head, looking up at Spock, in affection and complete support. They would not be victims of Vulcan biology. “I feel those forces. But you can be sure we’ll control them. Not the other way around.”

“I don’t know that it is possible,” Spock said in doubt.

“Whatever happens, you have to remember one thing. That it’s entirely likely that I’m going to need Bones to come. But he’s not your rival. He won’t be coming to take me away from you. Will you be able to remember that?”

“You are in love with me. You are bonded to me. You are mine,” Spock said firmly.

“Yes. And when he comes, you’re going to have to let him touch me, care for me.”

“You are certain you’ll need him?” Spock asked, some of the fog seeming to lift.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure I will. And since we’ve never experienced this before, I want to make all the contingencies I can.”

“You are very good at planning ahead,” Spock said softly.

“Comes with the job,” Jim said, looking up at Spock in concern. “Show me what I can do to cool our bond. I don’t want to be without it.”

Spock concentrated on the request, turning inward to check the shining strands that joined them as one. He had to shake his head when he could do nothing to dampen the heat emanating from their connection. “It will not cool until we do.”

“Does that mean we will be apart?” Jim asked with a frown.

“Apart?” Spock repeated. “Where are you going, t’hy’la?” He tightened his grasp on the strong arms, putting the first bruises on his Human’s body.

“I’m not going anywhere. But the heat’s keeping me on my side of our bond. Can you reach me?”

“I am…aware of you,” Spock said. “As when the bond was new. It will cool. We will not be without it long.”

“Well,” Jim said, taking Spock’s hotter than usual hand and pulling him into their sleeping alcove. The touch of their hands was comforting, and slightly disturbing as it didn’t make Jim any closer to Spock’s thoughts. “Since we’re without it for the time being, tell me how you’re feeling.”

“The edges of my vision are…blurry. There is a low roar in my head. And it is all I can do not to tear off your clothes and have my way with your body,” he admitted breathlessly.

“Sounds right,” Jim agreed, pulling his own gold tunic up and over his head. He took care of Spock’s shirt next, taking time to kiss him. That proved to be a mistake, incinerating the last of Spock’s fragile control, the flames of desire traveling down the bond to ignite Jim’s control as well.

The rest of their clothes were discarded in a flurry, ripping fabric accompanying their quick snatches of breath. Spock plundered Jim’s mouth, making no accommodation for the Human’s tongue, taking what he wanted, needed. He pushed Jim back until they crumpled in a pile on their bed. Jim didn’t try to direct any of Spock’s lovemaking, relinquishing every shred of control. It wasn’t entirely unpleasant to feel Spock’s restraint buckle under the assault of desire. Their mental bond began to cool as Spock continued to kiss him, the welcome tendrils of love and of need reaching out to Jim, seeking the shade of his mind to find solace and completion. They were one, both consumed with the urges of biology, Spock needing the relief he could only find in his love.

Jim enjoyed the kisses that Spock was lavishing on him, all over his writhing body. But he wanted, needed more. Whether it was his need or Spock’s didn’t matter. “T’hy’la,” he whispered as Spock kissed his stomach, avoiding his raging hard-on.

“Mmm…” Spock grunted, moving down to kiss the inside of Jim’s thighs, nibbling on them, loving the smooth Human skin as it quivered beneath his tongue.

“Spock, please,” Jim pleaded, raising his hips in need, in invitation.

“Yes,” Spock said, not really answering. He looked up at his love’s beautiful hazel eyes, knowing he saw there a heat reflected in his own. “I can wait a few minutes more.”

Jim sighed, relaxing as Spock finally made contact with his firm erection, licking up to collect the delicious moisture waiting for him. “I’m going to come if you don’t stop.”

“Stop? Why would I stop? You are mine,” Spock said with a low growl as he licked the dripping head of Jim’s need, taking only the tip into his hot mouth. Hearing Jim’s moan and feeling his own need reflected in his bondmate’s flesh, he took the cock all the way in. True to his word, he kept Jim in his mouth, sucking and caressing until Jim erupted.

“Uhnn…” Jim moaned, finally able to raise his head to look at the glazed black eyes staring back at him. “Kiss me?”

Spock stretched out on top of him, fitting his mouth to Jim’s. This kiss was more delicate, more loving than desperate. Apparently bringing Jim to orgasm helped to temporarily quell his need as well. Spock was still completely aroused but not with the flames that the original kiss had transmitted. The bond had also cooled, allowing Jim to search out Spock’s essence on his side of the bond.

//Take me while you have some control,// Jim urged as Spock shifted his head to chew on the pink, rounded ear. He could feel Spock’s need pressing into his stomach and he wanted it encased in his body.

//Once I have achieved orgasm, I will no longer have control,// Spock returned as he continued to consume Jim with kisses.

“Are you sure?” Jim whispered into the delicately pointed ear.

“You can be certain I am correct about this,” Spock said. “Release will strip from me all remaining restraint.”

“Oh,” Jim said. He had no other response to give even though he didn’t want it to be true. True or not, Spock was leaving him no choice but to wait, to follow Spock’s lead.

“And if I lead us over a cliff?” Spock asked.

“Then we’ll fall together. As long as I’m with you, it doesn’t matter,” Jim responded. Without the bond at full strength, he wasn’t entirely sure whether or not Spook was teasing. It was disconcerting not to be certain after having full access to his thoughts and feelings for so long.

“I am truly concerned, t’hy’la. We could fall into the abyss of the pon farr and never emerge,” Spock warned.

“No we won’t. We’ll find our way back,” Jim promised.

“I wish I were so certain,” Spock returned, raising up on his elbows to gaze down at his Human. “I am certain that I love you. And I beg your forgiveness for when the madness claims me.”

“You don’t need my forgiveness. Whatever happens is beyond your control. I know that.”

Spock took a deep breath and nodded, plundering Jim’s mouth once more. “My restraint is slipping,” he whispered, his hips undulating, his erection seeking, needing completion.

“Tell me what you want,” Jim requested, looking up at him in complete trust.

“Turn over,” Spock ordered, not a request any longer. Jim knew he had no option. The blood fever had ignited in earnest. It had also reignited their bond, making it white hot, driving him away from Spock’s center. It was lonely and he felt isolated. But he did not want to be incinerated by the inferno he encountered at Spock’s very core.

Spock moved off of him enough to allow Jim to roll over onto his stomach. Jim lay face down, raising his hips so that Spock could shove a pillow under his stomach. His spread his legs and waited as Spock coated himself with lubricant. Spock was staring down at him with such hunger and lust in his eyes that he would have found exciting if it didn’t frighten him in its intensity.

Spock hurled the bottle of lubricant on the floor, mounting Jim and taking him in one swift, uncontrolled motion. Jim grunted quietly at the familiar pain of penetration, willing himself to relax. Spock was hotter than ever inside him, threatening to scald his body and his mind with the mating fire. With no gentleness or regard for his Human, Spock pounded into his body, biting his shoulders and neck, scraping his back with a rough tongue and barred teeth. The words he was saying were not in Standard and the scorching heat of their bond kept Jim from being able to understand.

Spock made no effort to caress his mate’s hardness and despite their mental distance, Jim knew that if he tried to bring himself again to climax, Spock would prevent it, physically and mentally. His only choice was to wait until Spock found his release. He concentrated on breathing, even though he felt as though he was inhaling fire. The air around them was infused with the heat of the mating fever. He had to find some way to protect himself or he would be incinerated along with Spock’s lust.

Closing his eyes and looking inward, Jim concentrated on the shielding techniques Spock had taught him when they had first bonded. It was hard to not think solely about the rough use Spock was making of his body but his instinct for survival blocked out the physical sensations, allowing him to concentrate on his mental needs. The shields Spock had taught him to construct were natural now, no effort on his part to partition his mind. He had always considered those shields as boxes where he stored those thoughts that Spock did not need or could not be allowed to access. If he could protect his shields with walls of ice, he could temper the heat flooding his mind. By thinking of the winters he had spent in Iowa as a child, he visualized the snow forts he and Sam had built, packing the snow and ice to make blocks that they would pile one on top of the next. Jim formed an ice block in his mind, placing it carefully at the nucleus of his end of the bond. He had to cool it or it would burn away his core.

With Spock pounding mercilessly into his body, he had some difficulty holding onto the mental image of the ice block. Each time he had one formed, Spock would withdraw from his aching rectum to slam back into him. After watching four snow blocks melt under Spock’s assault, Jim realized that Spock withdrew when he held onto the snow and returned when it had melted. Spock didn’t like the cold that Jim was using to protect himself and he abandoned his efforts to build the wall. Releasing his mental snow field released Spock to find completion within Jim’s body.

Jim had no time to catch himself when Spock shoved him off the bed, growling at him over the side. “No more snow,” Spock ordered, staring at his bondmate with fire in his eyes. The words spread the intense heat over Jim like a fiery blanket and he managed to nod from where he lay. “You will remain where you are,” Spock told him. “When I have need of you, I will summon you.”

“Understood,” Jim agreed through parched lips.

“I am your Tren-tor,” Spock informed him.

Tren-tor Jim repeated to himself. Master. Yes, that described what the fever had turned Spock in to.

“You are my kafeh,” Spock said. It was a warning. Message received loud and clear.

His slave. At least that told Jim his place. He could only hope to survive, to eventually return to being Spock’s t’hy’la.

“I have no t’hy’la,” Spock growled. “You are kafeh.”

“Kafeh,” Jim repeated, looking up at him, wishing he recognized the feral Vulcan glaring back. Where was his Vulcan, the one he loved, the one he worshipped and who worshipped him in turn?

“Avert your eyes, kafeh. You have done nothing to deserve that privilege.”

Jim looked away, closing his betraying eyes. “Apologies.”

Spock snarled at him and left the bed to cross over to the bathroom. Jim lay unmoving, listening to the sounds of water splashing. It served to increase his thirst, his lips dry and his tongue stuck firmly to the roof of his mouth. Could he request the favor of water? Or would that serve to only anger Spock? No, not Spock, not right now. His Tren-tor, his master.

While he lay motionless on the hard, unfriendly floor, he took a quick inventory of his body. There was no part of him that was not sore, his rectum clinching in spasms, and he suspected he was bleeding. The hard use Spock had made of him had wilted his erection. He had a time trying to imagine when he would ever achieve another one.

“You will be aroused when I command,” Spock informed him, standing over him. “Not before. Your body is mine. Your thoughts are mine. You have only what I allow you.”

“As you say,” Jim responded, not making the mistake of looking up at him.

“Your words and your heart are not in agreement,” Spock said, glaring down at him, his eyes in slits as he concentrated on his kafeh.

“I am not used to being kafeh. And the fire of our bond is…too intense,” Jim admitted. He had to tell Spock. The heat was becoming unbearable.

“You may use your rain to cool the link. Do not attempt to build your wall of ice.”

“I won’t,” Jim said. “Could I have some water?”

Spock growled at him but poured a glass from the pitcher that was on the table. He thrust it out to Jim, sloshing some onto the human’s skin. The cold was a small shock but Jim was glad for the moisture. “Drink. I will meditate. Your thoughts will remain your own.”

“Yes Tren-tor,” Jim agreed quietly. He waited breathlessly as Spock finally turned and went through the connecting door into his own quarters. When he was alone, Jim allowed himself to relax by a fraction, keeping all of his thoughts carefully contained. His first order of business had to be dampening the raging fire of their bond. Spock had said he could use his rain to cool it so he concentrated on that image. When the first drops fell, the heat evaporated them before they reached the bond. Creating a cascade of water helped diminish the heat being generated, cooling the tendrils and Jim’s mind. The mental link remained too fiery to approach but he had been forbidden from using it so he did not even try. Cooling it further seemed like more effort than he could muster and after finishing the water his master had allowed him, he fell into an exhausted sleep still curled on the hard floor where his master had left him.

Part 2

“Kafeh,” Spock commanded, waking him with a start.

“Yes Tren-tor,” Jim responded, not moving, not looking up, keeping all thoughts contained in his well fortified boxes.

“Did I permit you to sleep?” Spock asked from where he stood, straddling Jim’s hips. He stared down at his Human, his engorged erection warning Jim that his rest was at an end.

“Apologies, Tren-tor. Your absence left me bereft of…”

“Do not lie to me, kafeh. I know your thoughts, of your efforts to placate me.”

“I don’t lie to you,” Jim said, not looking at him, careful not to challenge him.

“If you believed I would not know, you would. As you are now,” Spock said, his voice low in warning.

“I have never lied to you.”

“I am your Tren-tor. I know your thoughts. You slept because you believed I would not discover it.”

“Tren-tor…” Jim stopped. He knew Spock was beyond listening to any of his words and surrendered his efforts to convince him.

“You must be punished, kafeh,” Spock said. “This will teach you to obey me.”

“As you say,” Jim responded in resignation.

“You will ask that I punish you. Beg that I forgive you,” Spock ordered.

Oh shit, Jim thought, hoping he kept his dismay to himself. I’m in for it now.

“Why do you delay? You compound your punishment with your foolish refusal to comply.”

“Tren-tor, I am an unworthy kafeh,” Jim said, thinking as fast as his overheated brain would allow. “I beg your forgiveness.”

“You have always been a clever Human,” Spock said in a hard tone. He squatted over Jim, staring at him, devouring him with his black eyes. “You think you can retain that part of you that commands a starship. You will not even command your body while I have need of it. You will beg me to punish you, to remind you of your rightful place.”

The words scared Jim more than anything Spock had said up to this point. He wasn’t going to be content with possessing Jim’s body. He was determined to subjugate Jim’s will to his own, to find a crack in his mental armor and force it open.

“You must punish me, Tren-tor,” Jim said quietly. If he could convince Spock that he would submit completely, he’d stand a much better chance of surviving with his body and his mind in tact.

“Yes,” Spock confirmed, still staring at him, waiting.

What does he want? Jim knew there was more that was being demanded of him but was not sure what it was. “Please, Tren-tor. Punish your unworthy kafeh.”

“On your knees, kafeh. Chest to the floor,” Spock ordered, briefly disappearing from view before returning to stand behind Jim who was in the proper position. At least he hoped he was. He felt vulnerable and could feel the sweat mixed with semen trickling down the insides of his thighs. As the first blow landed, all thought fled except one horrifying realization: oh dear gods, Spock is beating me.

He could not be sure how many blows landed before Spock stopped hitting him, his ass and back beyond painful. When the beating stopped, the fucking started with renewed intensity. Jim fought the pain on the inside and the outside, pain all that he knew. There was no floor under him, no ship around him, no air for him to breathe. There was only pain. Pain Spock had caused -  was causing.

As Spock pistoned in and out of his battered body, he scraped the abused skin of Jim’s backside. When Spock began to come, the sweat and the semen running down his legs was joined by blood, from his rectum, from his back, from his ass. He was grateful when the swirling lights signaled his impending unconsciousness and he surrendered to the blackness, Spock not falling with him.

~o.0.o~

He was laying on the floor where Spock had left him as the darkness receded. He could not believe that the human body could contain so much pain. Every part of him hurt, the worst pain where Spock had taken him. The fire from the bond had traveled down and settled in the part of his body that received the worst mistreatment. He thought he ought to call McCoy before he went into shock but he wasn’t sure Spock would allow it. And he had learned all too well that he was allowed only that which Spock permitted.

Where is Spock? he wondered, the thought surfacing through the pain. He tentatively approached their bond, finding it cooler than it had been. It was almost cool enough for him to find Spock but he shied away from using it. What if Spock punished him for making mental contact? He had certainly been in no condition to listen to Spock’s orders when his master was finished with him. The safest course of action was for him to remain motionless and wait to see if Spock would show him mercy.

“Kafeh,” Spock said, appearing above him. Jim did not look up, careful to keep his eyes averted, studying the hem of the black robe Spock was wearing. “I have harmed you.” He knelt next to his Human, surveying his tortured body.

“Yes,” Jim admitted very quietly. He didn’t want to be punished again but he needed Bones to come.

“I will permit Dr. McCoy to tend to you,” Spock said.

“Please, Tren-tor, do not harm him,” Jim pleaded.

“He must care for my kafeh. The pain is unbearable.”

“Yes,” Jim agreed. “Is my Tren-tor still angry at me?”

“There is no anger, kafeh. Only need.”

“I’m going to pass out, Tren-tor. I’m sorry,” Jim said, holding the blackness at bay as long as he could.

“That is not something for which you need to be forgiven, kafeh. The doctor will come.”

Jim may have nodded but he wasn’t certain. His own personal night was all he knew for sure.

~o.0.o~

“Goddamn it Spock,” Jim heard as he surfaced once more. “He could have died.”

“Bones,” Jim croaked. He was on his stomach in his bed, Spock and McCoy standing next to him. Bones looked angry. No, pissed. Spock looked like his control about to snap and Jim could not allow that to happen. “Tren-tor, may I speak with him, please?”

“He will not touch you,” Spock ordered.

“I have to touch him,” McCoy retorted. “Since you tried to kill him.”

“Dr. McCoy,” Jim said, using all of his command voice he could muster while laying face down, naked and bleeding.

“You will not touch him. He is my kafeh,” Spock warned.

“Yes, I’m your kafeh, Tren-tor. Please allow us to speak,” Jim requested.

Spock looked from McCoy’s icy blue eyes to the pleading hazel eyes of his bondmate. “I will wait in my quarters. Be warned that I will know of everything you say. And do.”

“Fine. Fine. Just go,” McCoy requested urgently.

Spock turned and left, not closing the connecting door all the way.

“In the name of the gods, Jim,” McCoy said, looking down at him. “Has he lost all reason?”

“Yes. It’s been burned away,” Jim agreed in a strained voice.

“What does kafeh mean?” McCoy asked as sat next to Jim, careful not to touch him.

“Slave,” Jim said simply.

“Oh dear gods,” McCoy said. “So Tren-tor is….”

“Master,” Jim confirmed. “This is not our Spock, Bones. He’s a pre-reform Vulcan. Driven by a force he cannot control.”

“His uncontrolled force just might kill his Captain,” McCoy said in anger.

“I’m not his Captain. I’m his kafeh.”

“I’ll be sure and tell Starfleet that when I report your death,” Bones said.

“You have to hurry. He’s getting impatient,” Jim warned.

“How can he harm you, Jim? Hurting you hurts him, doesn’t it?” McCoy asked as he scanned Jim.

“Our bond is…not functioning normally,” Jim admitted.

“Why not? Is he blocking you?”

“No. The plak tow has ignited it. I can’t use our bond to reach him. Every time I try, I’m forced back by the heat.”

“I don’t have the vaguest idea what that means,” McCoy admitted.

“You don’t have to. You just have to do what you can before he gets back. I don’t think he’ll hurt you but I don’t want to risk it.”

“He’s certainly done a good job of injuring you,” McCoy scowled. “I need you in sick bay.”

“No. Absolutely not. He won’t stand for it,” Jim said.

“He can’t interfere…” McCoy started.

“Yes he can. I told you, this isn’t our Spock. You have to consider us citizens. Not part of Starfleet. I can’t give him orders. You can’t give me orders. I am his kafeh. You have to remember that,” Jim said as firmly as he was able.

“You have a fractured rib. Your core body temperature is two degrees above normal. Your back has multiple abrasions. And I don’t think you want to hear the medical terms for what he’s done to your rectum.”

“I don’t have time to listen to any of this. I’m telling you you’re running out of time. Do what you can while he’s still willing to allow it.”

McCoy nodded, silent and unhappy. This couldn’t possibly be happening. Spock loved Jim, with every cell of his body. How could he abuse him, hurt him, nearly kill him? All those useless thoughts raced around and around in his brain as he tried to repair some of the damage to his Captain’s body. The regenerator took care of most of the abrasions on his back. He wanted to clean away the body fluids clinging to Jim’s skin but heeded his warning not to touch him.

 “What is that?” Jim asked as Bones prepared a hypospray.

“Something for the pain.”

“You can’t sedate me. Not without his permission.”

“This is just a pain reliever, Jim. It won’t make you sleepy,” he said as he pressed it into Jim’s bare arm. “This one is an antibiotic. You’ll still be vulnerable to infection even though I regenerated your skin.” After administering the second injection, he reached into his medical case. “I need these suppositories inside of you. Will he do it, or let you?”

“Maybe. I’ll request that he do it for me,” Jim said.

“Alright. I also need him to put this cream on your back. The regenerator has healed the wounds but they can easily become infected. And ask him to give you water. If you loose much more body fluid, you’re going to become dehydrated. Then you’ll start to have severe problems that I don’t even want to name, up to and including seizures. You have to decrease your body’s core temperature.”

“I’ll ask him about…” Jim started. When Spock entered his quarters, he stopped, looking up at McCoy, silently asking that he leave.

“Are you not finished, Doctor?” Spock asked.

“I was just leavin’. Please give him water so his brain doesn’t completely shut down.”

“Yes,” Spock said. “Is he recovering?”

“He will recover. He needs your help. Otherwise you may have to find yourself a new bondmate,” McCoy warned.

“I understand. You may go.”

“I’m leavin’. Will you please call me if he asks?” McCoy requested.

“When I deem it necessary,” Spock said.

“Well, do it before you kill him,” McCoy warned.

“You will go,” Spock ordered, taking a menacing step toward him.

McCoy glared at him and glanced very quickly at Jim before reluctantly leaving. More than anything he wanted to stay and try to protect Jim but he knew it was impossible. Good gods. Nothing had prepared them for what pon farr really meant.

“Has the pain diminished?” Spock asked, sitting next to Jim.

“It’s beginning to. Thank you for letting him to come,” Jim said mostly into his pillow. He didn’t want to risk looking up at Spock. Learning to be kafeh was going to be difficult enough. Since looking directly at his master was already on the “don’t do that again list,” he thought it wise to keep his eyes averted.

“I wish no harm to come to you, kafeh. You are very pleasing to me.”

“Thank you.”

“You must drink,” Spock said, filling the glass and carefully holding it to Jim’s lips who painfully raised up on an elbow to drink. “Do you want more?”

“Yes, please,” Jim said, waiting as Spock refilled the glass. “McCoy left cream for my back and medicine for… uhm… my rectum. He respects your property and didn’t touch me. May I request your help, please, Tren-tor?”

“We will shower. Then I will assist you. After that we will sleep for a time.”

“Thank you,” Jim said. Spock nodded and helped Jim to stand. His touch was not comforting to Jim as it had always been in the past. It was the touch of a stranger but one he could not avoid. Very carefully, they went into the bathroom, Spock supporting most of Jim’s weight. His legs did not want to cooperate, his shoulders hunched over from the effort to breathe.

“Take a deep breath, kafeh,” Spock directed when he had leaned his Human against the wall to turn on the water.

“I can’t. All I breathe is fire,” Jim said quietly, staring down at the floor where drops of blood were pooling at his feet.

Spock returned to gaze down at him. “Look at me, kafeh,” he said, a request, not an order.

Jim cautiously looked up at him, seeing a brief flicker of his Spock in the Vulcan’s eyes. And then it was gone, consumed once more by the mating fever.

“Use your rain to cool the bond. I will extinguish as much of mine as I can,” Spock said, stroking Jim’s cheek, almost unaware of his actions.

“Your fire evaporates my rain, Tren-tor. You’re much stronger than I,” Jim explained in a low voice.

“That is why you were building your ice wall,” Spock said.

“To protect myself,” Jim agreed quietly.

“Very well. When we are not physically joined, I will permit you to use your ice to cool your bond. You will allow it to melt as I command,” Spock said.

“I’ll release it when you say,” Jim promised.

Spock nodded and shed his black robe, hanging it from the hook on the door. “Come,” he said, guiding Jim into the shower. It was not as hot as Spock would normally have liked but he had made it more comfortable for Jim. Jim gasped when the water hit his newly healed skin, hurting him.

“I know you are not comfortable, kafeh. I will clean your body and then put you to bed,” Spock promised as he soaped his Human.

Jim didn’t try to speak, using what was left of his energy reserve to remain standing where Spock had leaned him against the shower wall.

“I will clean your genitals. Remain still,” Spock instructed, gently bathing him, very carefully soaping the outside of his body’s opening. “You still bleed.”

“The suppositories will help,” Jim said in a very low voice.

“Are you loosing consciousness, kafeh?” Spock asked, putting his hands on Jim’s arms to support him as he swayed.

“Uh huh,” Jim agreed, fighting to keep the blackness at bay.

Spock turned off the water, putting his Human over his shoulder and taking him out of the bathroom. He easily carried Jim into the sleeping area, pulling a blanket from the disheveled bed. After putting the blanket in the corner, he lowered Jim onto it. “Sleep, kafeh.”

“Want to be with you,” Jim murmured softly, his eyes closed against the swirling lights that were intensified by the darkness.

“You must sleep. This is your bed now. Build your ice wall.”

“Water?” Jim requested. He was horribly thirsty even as he fought to remain awake.

“Yes. Raise your knee so that I may administer the suppositories,” Spock instructed, going over for the water and the medication.

With great effort, Jim lifted his right knee, his head cradled on his left arm. If Spock wasn’t quick about it, there would be no time for him to drink.

“Drink, kafeh,” Spock said, kneeling next to him and holding the glass to his lips. “Slowly.”

Jim sipped the cooling water that he needed so badly. But his stomach had other ideas. As soon as the water was down, it reappeared onto the floor. Jim coughed and retched again, moaning from the nausea and pain. “I’m so sorry,” he gasped.

“The fault is not yours,” Spock assured him, going for a towel to clean up the floor. “Sleep.”

“Yes,” he whispered, yielding himself to the pain and the impending darkness. It swept over him, pulling him down into a place where nothing existed and he was glad.

~o.0.o~

As the blackness receded, he became aware of the blanket beneath him and the sheet over him. He still knew incredible pain but it was less intense. Spock had tended his back and rectum while he slept. A quick check of their bond almost flooded him with relief. It was still unnaturally warm but no longer an inferno. He could use it to carefully trace Spock, finding him in meditation in his quarters. Jim retreated before his presence could annoy Spock, or worse, anger him.

While he had the time, he concentrated on building his snow fort around his bond. The higher it grew, the cooler he felt. He shivered as the heat receded, and he could finally breathe normally if not deeply. He carefully kept his eyes averted when Spock entered his quarters, kneeling next to him in his deep blue meditation robe.

“You are feeling better, kafeh?”

“Yes.”

Spock stood and left his sight, soon returning with a glass of water. “You will drink,” he said, holding it to Jim’s lips. “Do not be concerned if you cannot keep it down. You will not be punished.”

“Thank you,” Jim said, carefully sipping the water. It seemed that the water had no plans to reappear so he drank a little more.

“Chief Engineer Scott has requested permission to speak with you,” Spock informed him calmly.

“Is there a problem?” Jim asked, trying to quell his alarm at the request.

“None that he shared with me. I will allow you to speak with him. If it is a communication of negligible importance, you will tell him not to contact you again unless it is imperative.”

“Yes Tren-tor,” Jim said. He thought they had planned for this, that Spock would allow him to be in contact with the command crew. But apparently that was something else that had been incinerated by the plak tow.

“Trivial matters are not for your consideration,” Spock warned. “Only command decisions may be brought to you.”

“Yes,” Jim responded, corralling his thoughts where they cowered behind the shelter of his ice wall.

“Come,” Spock said, helping him to his feet. Spock’s touch was still much hotter than normal and would have branded his mind if he had not fortified his icy barrier.

With Spock’s help, Jim made his way slowly and painfully over to his desk. Sitting in his chair was out of the question so he leaned one bruised hip against the edge. “Drink then contact him.” Jim nodded, sipping from the glass Spock was holding. When it was empty, Spock nodded toward the comm link.

“Captain Kirk to Chief Scott,” Jim said as he activated voice only, hoping he sounded somewhere close to normal.

“Scott here, sir,” came the response.

“Spock said you asked that I contact you,” Jim said.

“Aye, sir. We have completed charting this sector. Do you want us to proceed to Starbase Zeppelin or go to sector Deka?”

“How long to Starbase Zeppelin, Scotty?” Jim asked, glancing up at Spock to determine if his patience was about the reach an end. “Stand by.” He muted the conversation, waiting for Spock.

“It will take us 5 solar days to reach the Starbase,” Spock informed him. “Why is he not cognizant of his orders? Did you fail to make yourself clear to him?”

“We thought it would take 2 more days to finish charting this sector, Spock,” Jim responded, instantly realizing his mistake. His error was reinforced when Spock backhanded him. “Forgive me, Tren-tor.”

“Tell him to go to Deka sector, kafeh,” Spock ordered.

“Yes,” Jim agreed, resisting the urge to rub his cheek where Spock had hit him. He reactivated the channel to provide the instructions. “Scotty, proceed to Deka sector to chart it.”

“Aye sir,” Scott agreed. Jim could hear the tension in his voice but he could do nothing to alleviate it.

“Kirk out,” Jim said, snapping off the link and sinking to his knees. “Thank you.”

“Go lie on your pallet, kafeh. I will administer your medication. Then I will eat,” Spock said.

Jim nodded, crawling over to the blanket. He couldn’t have walked even if he thought Spock would have allowed it. He lay face down, cradling his head with his left arm, his right arm underneath him to relive some of the pressure from his cracked rib. His legs were wide apart and Spock crouched between them.

“I regret it was necessary to strike you, kafeh.”

“I deserved it,” Jim responded quietly making himself believe it so Spock would not be angry at the lie.

“Yes you did. Relax so that I may insert these capsules,” Spock instructed, carefully spreading apart his mounds. He was being very gentle as he inserted the suppositories, not causing any pain except that which he could not avoid. “I will wash my hands then put the cream on your back.”

“Thank you, Tren-tor,” Jim said, relaxing for a moment. He had to will himself to release the tension that was straining all of his muscles. If he could go limp, anything Spock did would be less damaging. Behind his thick walls of ice, he envisioned himself as a rag doll, no muscles or bones, only cloth and malleable stuffing. It wasn’t easy to hold onto that vision but he tried to keep it close.

“Why are you thinking of a child’s toy?” Spock asked as he returned, bringing with him the cream and a glass of water.

“I’m trying to become one. Yours to do with as you please,” Jim replied, understanding that to not explain was not an option.

“You are mine,” Spock said as he held the glass to Jim’s parched lips.

“Only yours, Tren-tor.”

“Drink it all,” Spock said, waiting as Jim finished the water. He nodded, picking up the cream. “This will not be comfortable for you. Retain your ice blocks to assist you.”

Jim retreated to his snow field, surrounding himself with an ice fort. It helped to diminish the pain but it was still threatening to burn through him as Spock spread the ointment. “A moment, Tren-tor?” he panted, his body covered with a layer of sweat from the effort not to cry out in pain.

“I have finished, kafeh,” Spock said. “Rest while I eat.”

“Is sleep permitted?” he asked just in case it overcame him.

“Because you have asked, I will allow it.”

“Thank you.”

“Breathe, kafeh,” Spock instructed, a gentle hand in the center of Jim’s back. Somehow it managed to relieve some the pressure, allowing him to take air all the way into his lungs. “I have no wish to be unkind to you,” Spock said.

“My only wish is to obey you, Tren-tor,” Jim responded, making it true even if he didn’t believe it fully.

“Sleep, kafeh. I will wake you when I have need of you.”

“Thank you,” Jim agreed, letting his eyes drift closed. If he could fall asleep, he wouldn’t be as horribly aware of the pain that was his entire world. He had the feeling that Spock helped him to fall asleep, sensing Spock’s retreat as he slid into blessed darkness.

~o.0.o~

“Kafeh,” Spock said, waking him.

“Yes, Tren-tor,” Jim responded, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“Drink,” Spock instructed, holding the glass to his lips.

Jim took the water in, careful to keep his eyes averted. He felt a little better but his body was stiff and he wasn’t sure he could have stood if Spock were to allow it. The pain in his back was manageable and he was breathing easier. The bond was cooler, almost normal. He did not try to use it to reach Spock, not daring to anger him.

“May I know the time, Tren-tor?” Jim asked out of curiosity.

“It approaches midnight,” Spock said. “I must insert the medicine into your body.”

“If it disturbs you, I’ll do it myself.”

“Your body is mine, kafeh. Nothing about you is disturbing to me,” Spock assured him.

Jim nodded, lifting his right knee to wait.

“More water,” Spock instructed, holding the glass so he could drink. When it was empty, he sat it aside and moved down Jim’s body. “You have stopped bleeding,” he said. With great care, he eased the slick capsules into Jim’s opening, not remaining inside any longer than necessary. Jim made sure he did not make a sound, as much as he wanted to moan in renewed pain. “Once I have washed my hands, I will apply the cream,” Spock said, standing over him.

“Thank you, Tren-tor,” Jim said in a low voice, watching his feet move away. He took a deep, shuddering breath, closing his eyes to wait. He wanted to beg Spock not to put the cream on his aching back but knew he had no choice. Dr. McCoy had warned him that it would be too easy for the fragile skin to become infected. As he moved his head slightly to see if Spock was returning, he encountered the bruise that Spock had put on his cheek. From the tenderness of it, he could only imagine that it was dark and ugly. “Tren-tor?” he said tentatively when Spock returned.

“Yes, kafeh.”

“May I ask a question of you?”

“If you must,” Spock said, pouring a measure of cream onto his palm before soothing it over Jim’s skin. It was much less painful this time for which Jim was immeasurably grateful.

“No, Tren-tor, I will not disturb you with my question,” Jim said, closing his eyes.

“Very well. I am going into my quarters to meditate. Sleep if you can,” Spock said, pulling the light sheet over Jim’s body.

“Thank you,” Jim said, letting his eyes drift closed. He made sure his barriers were firmly in place, not wanting to inadvertently contact Spock over the cooler bond. It felt natural to reach out to him but Jim knew he could not.

He lay in the dark and quiet for a time, considering what had already occurred and what he might face the next day. He had no idea how long pon farr might last or if he was going to survive it. At least Spock’s mating frenzy seemed to have diminished. If Jim could keep him calm, he’d be much safer.

Jim knew instinctively that Spock would stop short of doing anything that could endanger his life. If Jim were to die, Spock’s suffering would be far greater than his own. But Jim had already learned that there was nothing else about which he could be certain. Until today, he had been certain Spock would never intentionally harm him. Until today, he would have staked his life on Spock’s protection, his love, his kindness. Once they had come through this, would their relationship be altered? That was something he could not contemplate. It threatened to break his heart. Spock was already trying to break his will. He would not survive having them both shattered.

He was still awake when Spock reentered his quarters and crossed over to him. Jim kept his eyes averted when Spock sat cross legged next to his head, reaching out to stroke his Human’s hair.

“You think that I no longer love you,” Spock said softly.

“I know you love me.”

“Yet you have doubts.”

“I was frightened today.” Jim knew there was nothing to be gained by trying keep the truth from Spock. He already knew what lay in his Human’s heart.

“The blood fever is stronger than I had anticipated,” Spock agreed. “Perhaps we should have gone to Vulcan to consult a healer.”

Jim didn’t respond, having no idea what he could say. So he lay quietly, enjoying the gentle strokes of Spock’s hand on his hair.

“I believe that the blood fever will break in 3.25 days,” Spock said, answering the question Jim had chosen not to ask. “I do not believe it will be as intense over that time as it was today.”

“I don’t think I could survive any more days like today,” Jim said quietly, a confession and a plea for understanding.

“You are far stronger than that, kafeh. I do not wish to harm you. Yet you must know your place and remain in it.”

“I’ll do everything I can to be your proper kafeh.”

“It is difficult for you,” Spock acknowledged.

“I’m a quick learner,” Jim said softly.

“You have always been so,” Spock agreed, leaning down to kiss his head.

“How are you feeling, Tren-tor?” Jim asked, hoping the question wasn’t impertinent.

“You are often impertinent. This is not one of those times,” Spock assured him. He took a moment before answering. “I still burn for you. I want you. I yearn for you. I also recognize that you have suffered and I do not wish to add to your pain.”

“Do you need use of my body? I’m yours.”

“The pain would be unbearable.”

“You’re calmer now. I don’t think you’ll hurt me,” Jim said softly.

“You are willing to allow me to mate with you, as much pain as has already been inflicted?” Spock asked, certain he could not have understood his Human’s words.

“I’ll melt my ice so you’ll find welcome,” Jim said.

“Come,” Spock invited, holding out his hand. Jim took it, carefully standing. He had to lean against Spock to stay upright and Spock wrapped an arm around his waist to help him. “Can you lay face down?” he asked when they stood beside Jim’s bed. It had been made up with fresh sheets and an extra blanket especially for Spock.

“I can’t, Tren-tor, but I can kneel,” Jim said, demonstrating, his chest down, his backside up and ready.

“I am grateful, kafeh,” Spock said, gently caressing his love’s bottom as he shed his meditation robe. As Jim watched with guarded eyes, Spock spread plenty of lubrication over his impressive erection, already dripping in anticipation. Jim concentrated on relaxing every part of his body, releasing any tension that might remain to cause him harm. When Spock was thoroughly coated, he knelt behind his kafeh, kissing his marred ass. “Your ice field has melted,” he said in appreciation.

“The bond isn’t an inferno.”

“I cannot promise that it will not ignite again,” Spock said, licking the fragile Human skin.

“I’ll use my rain if it becomes necessary.”

“Your ice is permitted so long as we are not joined physically,” Spock reminded him as he gently stroked his kafeh’s tender back, taking care not to hurt him. “I will take you now. Relax so that the pain is not unbearable,” Spock said, one finger tracing his kafeh’s opening.

Jim took a deep breath, waiting. When Spock entered him, it was painful but not nearly as bad as he had feared. Spock was being very careful, showing unbelievable control. And swimming upstream against the pain was an arousal that surprised Jim. He had been certain he would be consumed by pain, not wanting.

“Because I love my kafeh, I will allow you to come,” Spock whispered into one round Human ear.

“Please,” Jim whispered back, closing his eyes and thinking only of the stimulation and pleasure, not the pain Spock could not avoid inflicting. By seeing the pleasure as bright sunshine on an Earth summer day, he was able to contain the pain into a dark and empty cavern, to be released at a later time. The sun shone almost more brightly than he could bear but he basked in its friendly glow. He gasped when Spock wrapped a hot hand around his half formed erection, caressing, stimulating him further. It felt good, really good, to have Spock touching him in love and not anger.

“There is no anger, kafeh. Only need,” Spock whispered before chewing on his ear.

“And love,” Jim whispered back. Or he may have thought it. The cooler bond was allowing him access to Spock’s thoughts and he welcomed the renewed connection.

//I am also pleased to have you back, sweet kafeh,// Spock replied. //Are all your defenses related to Earth weather?// he asked, the question accompanied by the first murmur of humor Jim had felt in what seemed like years.

//It’s how you taught me. Because I can see it,// Jim reminded him, holding tight to his sunshine when the pain tried to claw its way out of the cave.

//Yes. Come for me, sweet kafeh,// Spock whispered, kissing the back of his neck, licking his ear, caressing him inside and out.

Jim moaned softly, from pleasure not pain. He could tell it wouldn’t be much longer before Spock found release and he wanted to come with him. Spock was helping by loving him more than fucking him, his warm hand stroking his Human’s erection to provide the most pleasure possible. Jim clinched his very sore muscles around the hot intruder, hearing Spock’s grateful groan in response. They climbed together to the pinnacle, falling through their bliss to collapse in a heap on the bed.

//I am grateful, sweet kafeh,// Spock whispered mentally.

“Me too,” Jim responded softly. Without warning, the pain surged out of its cave, threatening to overwhelm him. He groaned before he could prevent it, shuddering at its renewed presence.

“Breathe, kafeh,” Spock said, his hand in the center of his Human’s heaving chest.

“It’s difficult,” Jim gasped, fighting for air against the pain.

“Listen to my voice. Find your way back to me,” Spock directly, his tone soft, his hand stroking his Human’s skin. He continued to speak soothingly, directing Jim to him, offering shelter from the pain. //Come, sweet kafeh. We will stop the pain together.//

“I can’t reach you, Tren-tor. I’m sorry,” he whispered before he fell over into his own abyss, the darkness consuming him.

~o.0.o~

When he emerged from the blackness, Spock was sitting next to him on the bed. He had cleaned and dried his Human and covered him with a warm blanket. McCoy stood next to the bed with an angry glare on his face. Glaring at whom Jim could not be sure.

“Welcome back,” McCoy snarled.

“Mmm…” Jim moaned softly, moving closer to Spock, wanting the comfort of the contact.

“I am here, kafeh. McCoy will assist you. Then we will sleep,” Spock said, caressing his damp hair.

Jim turned his face into the pillow, not wanting the hear whatever the doctor might say. He could not possibly understand and he was in no condition to try and explain.

“Do not speak unless necessary,” Spock ordered McCoy who had already been unnaturally quiet. “Do what you must then go.”

“Fine,” McCoy said, anger dripping from the word as he scanned Jim’s body. He reached into his med kit and extracted a hypospray. “This is for the pain,” he said, pressing it into Jim’s bare arm. “Can I help him sleep, please?”

“I will allow it. No longer than 6 hours.”

“Fine,” McCoy agreed, administering the second injection. “This one will help balance his electrolytes. Please see that he drinks more water.” The third injection was more than Jim could really stand.

“Enough,” he finally snapped.

“I’m done,” McCoy said, stepping back.

“Leave us. I will inform you if you need to return,” Spock said, rising to loom over the doctor.

“I’m leaving. Please take care of him. Humans are more fragile than Vulcans. Remember that,” McCoy said before storming out of the quarters. He’d have slammed to door if there had been one to slam.

Spock sat back by Jim, looking down at him with an unreadable expression.

“You’re disappointed, Tren-tor,” Jim said miserably. “Forgive me.”

“You have done nothing for which you need forgiveness, kafeh. I am concerned.”

“Because of what McCoy said?”

“In part. You do not need to consider it further. We will sleep now.”

Jim nodded and tried to rise to his hands and knees.

“Where are you going?”

“To the corner,” Jim said, staring down at the bed, afraid he had made a new mistake.

“You will remain with me. You have been pleasing to me and we will sleep together,” Spock said, standing up to remove his robe. “Lay down, kafeh.”

Jim did it, watching wearily as Spock lay next to him.

“Come,” Spock said, opening his arms so that Jim could lay on his chest. Jim did it gratefully, glad to have the warm skin once more beneath his head.

“Thank you.”

“Sleep now, kafeh,” Spock said softly, kissing his forehead.

Jim sighed, instantly asleep in their warm cocoon.

Part 3

When he woke, he felt some better but he was lonely. There was no physical or mental contact with Spock. The bond was not in flames and he found Spock in his quarters. He wasn’t meditating but Jim couldn’t determine exactly what he was doing.

As he reached up to rub the sleep from his eyes, he found his hands bound together with the soft black rope that Spock had used before. It was tied with the bonding knot, which was comforting to Jim. The intricacy of the knot took time to complete which meant Spock was not consumed with mating fever. Although he was already fairly certain that Spock did not burn out of control as the bond was cooler, almost normal.

He did not look up at Spock as he approached the bed, moving over when Spock sat next to him.

“You are feeling better, kafeh.”

“The pain isn’t as bad and sleeping helped.”

“You did not dream. You barely moved,” Spock confirmed.

“Are you well, Tren-tor?” Jim asked, barely tracing their bond to him. Spock was blocking much of it but that did not frighten Jim. It increased his sense of isolation but he knew it was up to Spock to allow him in when he chose.

“The fever is abated somewhat. I anticipate it will remain quiescent for several hours.”

“Do you know the ship’s status?” Jim asked tentatively. To ask was as natural as breathing. He hoped he wouldn’t be punished for the question.

“Chief Scott said that all systems report normal, Captain,” Spock said with a mental laugh.

“Oh. Thanks,” Jim said in surprise.

“You thought perhaps that I had forgotten you are my Captain?” Spock teased.

“I’m only your kafeh.”

“You are and always will be my Captain, sweet kafeh. Even when I must punish you or when I make love to you.”

“Right now, I can’t be reminded of that, please.”

“Because you will try once more to be the alpha male,” Spock acknowledged.

“It’s hard to be the Captain if you aren’t,” Jim agreed quietly. “But now I’m only kafeh.”

“You are a quick learner,” Spock said, kissing his head.

“It helps. Do you wish to make use of my body?” Jim asked.

“Yes. But we will go into my quarters first.”

“The hook?” Jim asked, not displeased with the idea.

“Yes. I know that you enjoy it. I have eaten already. I will provide you water and nourishment,” Spock promised.

“Yes, Tren-tor,” Jim agreed, leaving the bed with Spock’s help. He did not need Spock’s help to cross over to the warmer quarters but he enjoyed Spock’s supporting arm around his waist. He automatically put his hands up so that the rope rested in the hook, Spock locking him in place, facing the bulkhead.

“Drink, kafeh,” Spock instructed gently, providing him water.

Jim did it, finishing the entire glass and silently hoping for more. Spock refilled it, letting him drink it all. “Thanks,” Jim said gratefully.

“Eat,” Spock said, holding a piece of banana to Jim’s mouth.

“No, please,” Jim said, shaking his head.

“You must eat, kafeh,” Spock said.

“It won’t stay down,” Jim said.

Spock studied him, putting a light hand on his chest. “You are nauseous.”

“A little,” Jim agreed softly.

“Why?”

“The pain. The medication. My isolation from you.”

“I am here, kafeh.”

“Our bond isn’t available to me,” Jim explained. But surely Spock knew that already.

“The distance makes you physically ill?”

“Sometimes. Not always.”

“What accounts for the variability?” Spock asked.

“Well,” Jim said, considering it. “Right now it’s affecting me physically because I can’t know what you’re thinking, what you might do next. That scares me.”

“And at other times?”

“The strain of trying to reach you. The concern that something’s wrong and I won’t know,” Jim explained.

“You have never told me this,” Spock said.

“I thought you knew. But I guess you couldn’t. It only happens when I can’t reach you.”

“Forgive me, kafeh. I did not realize that I had caused you distress.”

“It’s generally momentary. May I touch your thoughts now, please, Tren-tor?”

“Can you keep your thoughts to a minimum, my busy kafeh?”

“I’m sorry. I thought I was keeping them under control. I’ll endeavor to be less chaotic.”

“Mental chaos is your natural state, kafeh. You warned me before we ever bonded,” Spock reminded him.

“Yes. I’ll calm my mental activity,” Jim promised. “I’ll put the superfluous thoughts in my boxes.”

“That will be acceptable. Do not lock them closed,” Spock said with a warm mental hug.

“You have the key.” It wasn’t the first time Spock had had to ask his Human to stop his thoughts from bombarding him. While Spock generally welcomed Jim’s mental presence, there were times when the shear volume and apparent chaos threatened to overwhelm him. Spock had taught him to contain them in his boxes, one especially large box always ready for Jim to seek refuge when he sensed his thoughts were becoming a deluge, drowning out Spock’s own.

//The boxes are comforting to you?// Spock asked when he sensed that Jim had his thoughts mostly contained.

//Uh huh. Thanks for letting me reach you. The bond feels safe and…normal,// Jim said.

//I am pleased that you are back with me, kafeh. Will you try to eat?//

//I’m not hungry. Only thirsty,// Jim said in request.

//Yes,// Spock agreed, bringing him more water. When the glass was empty, Spock sat it down and removed his black robe. //Do you know that I worship you?// Spock’s words were followed by gentle strokes over his Human’s skin.

//Do Vulcans worship?// Jim teased.

//This one does. He worships his kafeh,// Spock said as he kissed Jim’s shoulders, licking the ears that were endlessly fascinating to him.

//I love you,// Jim returned, purring as Spock nuzzled the back of his neck, making the hair stand straight up.

//Even when I must punish you? Even when my actions frighten you?//

//Always. Pon farr will pass. Then you won’t frighten me any longer,// Jim assured him.

//You are more forgiving than most humans would be,// Spock decided, kissing his jaw. Jim turned as much as the rope would allow, staring at Spock’s lips.

//Most humans aren’t as much in love as I am,// Jim reminded him.

//You have studied this?// Spock licked Jim’s lips, teasing with his mouth and his words.

//I’m not the scientist,// Jim returned in the same tone, his tongue making delicious contact with Spock’s.

//You are far too undisciplined to be a scientist.//

//I’m not sure that’s true,// Jim protested through the haze of sensation. //It takes a fair amount of discipline to command a starship.//

//And mental chaos,// Spock pointed out.

//It helps,// Jim had to agree, shifting in his confinement. //May I be so bold as to request a kiss?//

//Yes,// Spock agreed, kissing his jaw, his cheek, his closed eyes.

“Please favor your kafeh with a kiss,” Jim said, staring at Spock’s mouth in desire. Spock did it, transmitting love and desire. But no fire. Jim felt the need but it was not out of control and did not frighten him. “Will you take me while your need only smolders?” Jim requested, enjoying the next kiss Spock shared with him.

“Yes,” Spock agreed surprising Jim by sinking onto his knees before him. Jim gasped softly, looking down at the cap of black silk. “You were not expecting me?” Spock asked, blowing a soft stream over Jim’s firm erection.

“No, I wasn’t expecting…this.”

“But you are not displeased,” Spock said, kissing Jim’s stomach above the light brown curls at the base of his yearning need.

“There’s only one thing more satisfying than having your mouth on me,” Jim confirmed.

“Coffee?” Spock teased.

“That’s third,” Jim responded, thrusting his hips toward Spock. “Please don’t tease me.”

“So impatient,” Spock said, licking the gleaming tip. “You will reciprocate.”

“Yes please,” Jim agreed. “I like having you in my mouth more than coffee.”

“I am doubtful,” Spock said.

“I’d give up coffee if you asked. But you probably wouldn’t like the results,” Jim admitted.

“Some sacrifices are far too great to ask of your bondmate,” Spock assured him, licking him again. //Are you ready?//

//Please,// Jim begged, his need transmitting over the bond.

Spock returned a mental smile, taking Jim’s need into his warm mouth, caressing him, loving him, bringing him incredible pleasure.

//Oh Tren-tor// Jim moaned. //This is a true gift.//

//One you deserve, sweet kafeh,// Spock returned. When he increased his efforts, there was no more communication except for the joy expressed by their bodies. When Jim found his release, he felt his sunshine burst out like fireworks, warming them both.

//Thank you Tren-tor// Jim said when his mind could coalesce around a complete thought.

“It brought me pleasure,” Spock said, gracefully rising to kiss his Human, sharing Jim’s seed with him.

“Mmm….” Jim sighed at the kiss, enjoying the other kisses that Spock was giving to him. “Your need is great,” Jim said softly, feeling the erection bump against his hip and stomach.

“Yes. I will enter you,” Spock decided, stroking his Human’s body.

“You don’t want my mouth on you?”

“Later you will provide me that pleasure,” Spock decided, gently turning Jim so that his back was to Spock. “Remain still. I require lubricant.”

“Okay,” Jim agreed, leaning against the bulkhead to wait. He could hear the soft sounds of Spock moving around his quarters before he returned to kiss Jim’s shoulders and back.

//Relax, kafeh. I have no wish to harm you.//

//I’m ready for you, love,// Jim said hoping the endearment wouldn’t cause him trouble.

//I am your love, kafeh. So long as you know that foremost I am your Tren-tor, I will allow the human words to be used.// Spock leaned against Jim, his erection rubbing between the Human’s spread legs, seeking completion.

//You are Tren-tor first. You’re always my love,// Jim returned, arching his back to provide increased access.

Spock kissed Jim’s neck as he guided his erection into the cooler body, both of them moaning softly in pleasure. Spock was being careful not to hurt Jim and there was little of the pain that had been present for what seemed like forever. Jim moved in counterpoint to Spock’s thrust, helping him achieve the most pleasure. Spock sent warming gratitude down the bond, mentally showing his appreciation. All too soon, Spock came inside of his Human’s body, Jim sighing in disappointment.

//Why are you sad?// Spock asked remaining inside of Jim, stroking his body and his mind.

//I had hoped to have you with me a little while longer,// Jim said.

//Even though it is painful for my kafeh?//

//It’s also very pleasurable. Having you in me is the greatest joy I have ever known.//

//Yes,// Spock agreed, kissing Jim everywhere he could reach. //We will wait as we are. In moments, I will be ready again.//

“Mmm…” Jim sighed.

“Now you are hungry?” Spock asked with a mental laugh.

“Yes,” Jim admitted. “I’m safe and in less pain. My Tren-tor’s loving me and letting me access his thoughts.”

“When I am complete, I will provide you nourishment,” Spock promised, becoming harder within Jim’s body.

“Thank you,” Jim agreed, shifting his hips to increase Spock’s pleasure.

“Would you like some coffee as well?”

“Only if I deserve it,” Jim said softly, backing into Spock for more contact.

“The pleasure you provide to me is worth coffee,” Spock said warmly, kissing him.

“Thank you Tren-tor,” Jim said gratefully, enjoying Spock’s caresses inside his body and his hands on his skin.

//You are very pleasing to me, kafeh. I do not wish for you to doubt the truth of that,// Spock assured him still moving within his body.

//I don’t forget. Even when I’m frightened.//

//You are not becoming hard,// Spock said in some question, wrapping a warm, gentle hand around the flaccid penis. //It is not lack of desire,// Spock said, measuring Jim’s need.

//Mostly exhaustion,// Jim responded.

//From the anxiety I have caused you,// Spock said in some regret.

//Only partially. Not being able to eat. The pain.//

//It is diminished.//

“Yes, Tren-tor. While it was with me, it was exhausting,” Jim said out loud. Spock’s presence within his body was making it hard to think clearly enough to communicate.

“You will endeavor not to be punished further,” Spock warned gently.

“I’ll be very careful, I promise.”

“When I am complete and you have eaten, you will sleep undisturbed.”

“What if you need me?” Jim had to ask, not willing to abandon Spock to his need.

“I will be in meditation for a time. The fever is still quiet. You will have time to sleep, to recover.”

“And you’ll wake me if you need me, Tren-tor?”

“I will, kafeh. Do not be concerned,” Spock said, thrusting more urgently into the welcoming body of his mate. “While you sleep, think only of my love for you.”

“It is a gift,” Jim agreed, grunting softly as Spock thrusts grew harder and more forceful.

“I am nearly there, kafeh,” Spock said, caressing Jim’s body with warm, loving hands.

“Come for me, love,” Jim coaxed, caressing the Vulcan with his words. Having Spock inside his body was more painful than he would have preferred but it did not hurt anywhere near like it had. He knew Spock was very close and he clinched his muscles in encouragement. With a low growl or possibly a purr, Spock erupted inside his Human’s body, panting against his back. “Are you okay?” Jim whispered, trying to look over his shoulder at Spock.

“I am fine, kafeh. Are you in pain?”

“A little. It isn’t unbearable. But my hands have fallen asleep.”

“I will release you momentarily,” Spock promised, stroking the cooler body and backing up when he slipped out. “We will shower than I will provide you with food.”

“Thank you,” Jim said, easing away from the bulkhead, his legs wide apart.

“You are not bleeding,” Spock assured him, rubbing very gently over his sore opening.

Jim nodded, taking a deep, unsteady breath.

“Are you still having trouble breathing, kafeh?” Spock asked in concern.

“Not like I was. I still have a cracked rib.”

“Why was it not repaired?” Spock demanded.

“There wasn’t time, Tren-tor. Other needs were more urgent and he took care of those.”

“He will come before you sleep. I will remain with you until he tends to all of your needs,” Spock said, taking Jim’s hands down from the hook.

“Don’t be angry at him, please. He was being respectful of your property and your time. That’s the only reason he didn’t repair my rib.”

“He left you in pain. That is not acceptable,” Spock said, his unhappiness transmitting through the bond.

“Please, Tren-tor. Don’t be angry with him. The pain isn’t bad,” Jim said quietly, very afraid Spock might hurt McCoy when he returned.

“I will not harm the doctor. But he must care for my kafeh,” Spock said, lifting Jim over his shoulder and carrying him into the bathroom. “Do you need to utilize the facilities?” he asked when Jim was standing more-or-less upright.

“I need to empty my bladder. Am I permitted to touch myself?” Jim asked, understanding that there was nothing he could take for granted, even the needs of his body.

Spock stood behind him, grasping Jim’s penis with light fingers and aiming to the bowl. He nodded and Jim released, Spock kissing his shoulder and neck as he waited.

“Thank you,” Jim said as Spock removed his hand and his presence to turn on the shower. Jim took the time to look in the mirror, wondering if he looked as bad to Spock as he did to himself. There were black circles under his eyes matched by the angry black bruise on his cheek from where Spock had hit him. All in all, he looked a fright.

“Shall I release your hands, kafeh?” Spock asked when Jim turned away from the mirror.

“I am to do with as you please. The decision is yours,” Jim said, his eyes diverted, as much as he wanted to look up into the black eyes of the one he loved.

“Look at me, sweet kafeh,” Spock invited. Jim looked up at him, seeing love in Spock’s eyes. His knees went weak and only Spock’s warm hands kept him upright. “Do you doubt that I love you still?”

“No. Never. I… uhm…” Jim shrugged unable to put his feelings into words.

“I understand. Pon farr is madness and can be frightening,” Spock acknowledged gently.

“We didn’t understand, did we?” Jim asked softly.

“I was unprepared. That meant you were unprepared. For that I owe you an apology,” Spock admitted.

“No, love. You aren’t willfully ignorant. Your culture keeps you from the information that you need.”

“Willfully ignorant?” Spock asked, almost laughing to Jim’s immense relief.

“You know there are some crewmembers who refuse to absorb the knowledge they need. They choose not to know certain information. They are willfully ignorant,” Jim said.

“Yes. They are not our concern at this time,” Spock warned lightly.

“No, Tren-tor. They aren’t,” Jim agreed humbly.

“I am not angry, kafeh. Do not be concerned that your stray thoughts are annoying to me,” Spock assured him.

“I’ll be more contentious in keeping them contained,” Jim promised.

“Not to worry. I will unbind your hands and then we will bathe,” Spock said, reaching for the knot.

“May the doctor come after I sleep, please?” Jim requested, yawning as if in proof of his need.

“You can wait? Even though you are in pain?”

“Unless it’s disturbing you, I’d rather sleep first.”

“You have concealed your pain from me, sweet kafeh. I only wish to relieve it for your sake,” Spock said, kissing the red marks left on his Human’s wrists from the ropes. “Come.” He helped Jim into the shower, gently bathing him. When he was clean, Spock helped him out and carefully dried his skin, taking care not to hurt him. “Do you wish to eat or sleep first?” Spock asked, warm arms around his tired kafeh.

“Sleep?” Jim requested, leaning against the warmer body.

“Yes,” Spock agreed, once more putting him over one shoulder to carry him to the bed. He gently lowered Jim, retrieving the suppositories from the bedside table. Jim automatically raised his left knee so that Spock could ease the cool capsules into his sore body. Once that was done, Spock gently covered him with the sheet and blanket.  “Sleep now, kafeh. Dream only of me and the love that I feel for you.”

“You’ll wake me?” Jim asked, gazing up a Spock with half open eyes.

“I will. I will be meditating. If you have need of me, you will let me know.”

“I’ll leave you alone,” Jim promised.

“I am never alone so long as I have you with me,” Spock said, kissing Jim’s forehead. “Sleep now.”

“Thank you,” Jim said softly, drifting off into a peaceful, restful sleep. Spock watched him for a few minutes, memorizing his face, studying him, taking comfort from his presence. He finally stood and went into his own quarters to meditate and to use all of his mental resources to keep the mating fever under control so he did no more damage to his love.

~o.0.o~

Jim woke slowly and gratefully. He felt immensely better, some of the soreness of his body relieved by the sleep. The bond was almost normal and he traced it to find Spock close by, sitting at his desk rather than Spock’s own. “Tren-tor?” he called out softly.

“Yes, kafeh,” Spock said, coming around to sit next to him on the bed, caressing his cheek still warm from the pillow. He wore his black robe and a serene look on his face.

“Are you okay?” Jim asked chancing a glance up at Spock’s face.

“I am. You slept very soundly and I meditated. The fever remains subdued. You may use our bond to reach me if you choose.”

//I won’t bombard you,// Jim promised.

//I am not concerned. You are feeling better after your sleep,// Spock said.

//Yes. What time is it?// Jim asked, mostly curious.

//Just after 14:00 hours. You must be very hungry by now,// Spock teased, almost laughing at him.

//A little. Have you eaten?//

//I have. I contacted Dr. McCoy and told him you were feeling better and that he would need to attend you when you woke,// Spock said.

//Is he still angry?// Jim asked hesitantly.

//Yes. I am also cognizant of the fact that he is more than a little frightened of me. Which is to our benefit,// Spock admitted.

//He won’t scold you until it’s over,// Jim agreed. //I’ll do everything possible to stop him.//

“You are not responsible for his behavior, sweet kafeh.”

“In some ways I am. He loves you though he won’t admit it.”

“I am aware of his true feelings for me, for us both. Even when I am threatening him, I know he only wants the best for us both.”

“Is the madness still with you, Tren-tor?” Jim asked tentatively, hoping he wasn’t about to cross some unseen line.

“It remains. The use of your body has soothed it. I cannot promise it will not return,” Spock warned.

“Do you need use of my body?” Jim offered. His gaze was on Spock’s body, seeing the unmistakable outline of his need beneath his robe.

“You continue to amaze me, kafeh. You are sore and thirsty and hungry. You can barely stand by yourself. And yet you are willing to allow me to use your body for my needs without reservation or fear.”

“I’m yours and your needs are mine. When you burn, I will extinguish your fire.” Jim threw off the light covers, laying face down, his legs spread apart, gazing up at Spock.

Spock shook his head, caressing his Human’s cool skin, his perfectly rounded bottom, his back with the fading marks, his strong legs. His kafeh was a temptation he could not resist. Shedding his robe, he climbed onto the bed, kissing the skin he had been caressing. //I am grateful, kafeh.//

//Do you need to enter me? Or may I use my mouth?// Jim asked, unconsciously licking his lips at the idea of taking Spock’s hardness into this mouth.

//I would enjoy your mouth, kafeh. Is that your preference?//

//My preference is of no consequence, Tren-tor. I’ll do what provides you the most pleasure,// Jim said, sighing as Spock kissed up his spine.

//Your mouth will be most pleasant. And it will spare you more pain. When I am complete, you can brush your teeth and wash your face and the doctor can come.//

//Yes,// Jim agreed with a sigh of contentment.

//Then I will provide you food. Whatever my kafeh wants. We will not tell Dr. McCoy,// Spock promised.

//Ice cream?// Jim asked hopefully, feeling a little guilty about wanting to lie to McCoy.

//Withholding the truth is not always lying, kafeh. You will eat chicken salad and then all the ice cream that you want.//

“With coffee?” Jim asked through the fog of passion that Spock was creating.

“Yes, kafeh, with coffee,” Spock returned, biting Jim’s back, a sign that his patience was growing tenuous.

“I’m sorry,” Jim said softly, firmly closing any other thoughts about food inside his boxes and making certain all the boxes remained sealed.

“I know that you are hungry,” Spock confirmed as he licked the bite mark he had left, his impatience abated somewhat.

“I shouldn’t be a nuisance,” Jim said, blanking his mind almost completely. He thought of a warm summer sky with no clouds and only the blue above him. Empty. Shinning. Beautiful.

“More Earth weather,” Spock said, basking in Jim’s summer sun as he continued to kiss him.

“I’m sorry. It’s the only way I know. Will you teach me Vulcan weather?” Jim asked in some trepidation.

“I am not displeased with your visions of Earth, kafeh. The blue of your sky is very soothing, even to those not born there.”

“’Kay,” Jim returned, not wanting to release his vision of the Earth sky for fear that other thoughts would pop up unbidden. Holding his thoughts at bay was more exhausting than he had realized and he would have to remember to practice frequently. When he was on the bridge…no, those thoughts were not permitted. “I’m sorry, Tren-tor,” he whispered when Spock bit him again.

“Sit up so that I may recline,” Spock instructed, watching Jim rise to his knees. Spock lay down next to him, reaching up to caress his cheek. “I am not angry, kafeh. You have no reason to be afraid.”

//My mental discipline isn’t what it should be, Tren-tor. Forgive my weakness.//

//Your mental discipline is remarkable for a human, kafeh. And you are not accustom to keeping so many of your thoughts to yourself for an extended period of time. You did not contact me as you slept. That in itself is unusual,// Spock said.

“I dreamt of you,” Jim said, one cool hand wrapped around Spock’s firm need.

“What did you dream, kafeh?” Spock asked ideally, enjoying the loving touches on his erection.

“You were Captain of a Vulcan sailing ship. I was your first mate. But Vulcans don’t have sailing ships, do they?”

“A ocean is requisite before one can sail on it,” Spock agreed.

“The entire crew was Vulcan except for me. They all worshipped you, me most of all. We were sailing to an uncharted island that was rumored to be made of gold. You didn’t believe it but orders are orders so we were going to find out.”

“Did we find this island?”

“No, so we sailed to Vulcan. You decided you’d had enough adventures so we left the service and bought a beautiful little house with lots of roses. And several dogs.”

“On Vulcan?” Spock asked, his hips raising to seek more stimulation.

“I think so. It was very warm,” Jim said with a shrug.

“I grew tired of adventures?” Spock asked.

“That’s what you said. I didn’t care as long as I was with you,” Jim said, leaning down to kiss Spock’s flat stomach.

“As is the case in truth,” Spock confirmed.

Jim nodded, licking the warmer skin, enjoying the texture and the flavor that always excited him. Sensing that Spock’s patience was waning, he took the firm erection into his mouth to stroke it with his tongue, providing the stimulation he knew Spock enjoyed the most, Spock showing remarkable restraint under the circumstances. Very soon, Spock erupted, Jim taking all of his offering, enjoying the pleasure being transmitted through the bond.

//I am grateful,// Spock told him warmly.

Jim didn’t respond, staring down at his hands which were folded on his lap. He kept a tight hold on his vision of the Earth sky, keeping all other thoughts contained.

//Wash your face and brush your teeth. I will provide you food and coffee,// Spock instructed.

Jim nodded, carefully leaving the bed to cross over to the bathroom. //May I empty my bladder, Tren-tor?//

//Yes. Do not linger longer than necessary,// Spock warned.

Jim answered his body’s call, washing his face and brushing his teeth as directed before leaving the bathroom to stand in indecision in the middle of his quarters, not sure where his master was waiting for him, the bond completely silent.

//Come, kafeh,// Spock invited, still in the sleeping area. He sat on the edge of the bed, holding a tray that was tempting Jim with the unmistakable aroma of coffee. Jim instinctively knelt by Spock, sitting not possible even if he thought there was a chance Spock would allow it. //You are a good kafeh,// Spock said in approval, caressing his hair.

Jim remained still, his gaze only on the floor beneath his knees.

“Eat, kafeh,” Spock instructed, chicken salad ready on the fork. Jim accepted it into his mouth, the texture familiar, the taste only of ash. To complain was unthinkable and he took the next serving offered. The third serving caused him to choke, not able to swallow it. The food seemed to swell in his mouth, the longer he chewed the more food was there. “Water,” Spock said, holding the glass to his lips. Jim was able to take some in, using the water to wash down the lump filling his mouth.

When Spock offered him more chicken, Jim shook his head, unable to comply with the silent command. “You must eat, kafeh.”

Jim shook his head again, closing his eyes in anticipation of retribution for his refusal.

“Why are you not eating, kafeh? I know you are hungry,” Spock said, an edge of irritation in his voice.

“Not any longer, Tren-tor,” Jim admitted very quietly, quickly building his ice wall against Spock’s growing anger.

“You do not want the coffee or the ice cream?” Spock asked, his exasperation transmitting to Jim through the bond which was heated with his disapproval.

“Forgive me,” Jim pleaded, staring down at the floor, the color rising in his cheeks.

“Tell me why you are refusing, kafeh. Do you mistakenly believe to refuse gives you power?” Spock demanded.

“I’m only your kafeh. I’m not hungry,” Jim said softly, his head bowed even lower.

“You will eat or I will punish you for refusing,” Spock warned, his control threatening to snap.

“I’m not being willful, Tren-tor.”

“That is exactly what you are doing, kafeh.” Spock said, standing to loom over him. “And I must punish you for your defiance.”

Jim sighed very softly and assumed the proper position for being disciplined, regretting it had come to this. But he knew without any doubt that if he tried to eat anything else, he would gag and the food would make an unwelcome return appearance. As Spock was unable to accept his explanation, then being punished was the only alternative. While he waited for the beating to begin, he thought of the rag doll, placing it behind the ice wall he had built at his bond’s core. If Spock didn’t touch him, he wouldn’t be aware that Jim was hiding within his igloo.

When Spock began hitting him, it was even worse than he had feared. It hurt far more than the first time, the impact breaking the new skin and splitting some that had been previously spared. Jim had no way of knowing how many times Spock hit him but he did know it was more than the first time. The pain was more widespread and more intense until the blackness came and Jim welcomed it.

~o.0.o~

“Kafeh,” Spock said in a low voice.

Jim reluctantly surfaced toward the sound, wishing he could ignore it and return to the nothingness he was forced to release. He was laying face down on the bed, his back in flames, his head threatening to split into at least two parts. The moisture on his face could have been sweat but he suspected it was tears, tears he was not aware of shedding. He was facing the wall and made no effort to turn his head to look up at his Vulcan master.

“I should not have punished you,” Spock said, regret and sadness in his voice.

Jim didn’t respond, sure anything he had to say would not be welcome. In truth he was angry but that right had been taken from him. Instead, he retreated behind his icy fortress to remain alone, where he would stay until Spock demanded he melt it, staying away from the cooler bond that seemed to beckon him even as he lay smoldering in anger.

“The doctor is on his way. He will sedate you before he tends to your back. You will be allowed to sleep undistributed,” Spock promised.

Still Jim did not respond, staring blankly at the far wall, building his ice walls even higher. If he got them high enough, maybe they would block out Spock’s voice. The usual comfort the sound brought had been burned away in the pain that had been inflicted.

Spock left the bed and Jim hoped he was leaving him alone with only his pain for company. Instead, Spock rounded the bed to kneel next to it, meeting Jim’s eyes. Jim did not want to see the misery in the black eyes of the Vulcan and closed his own.

“I deserve your anger,” Spock acknowledged.

There was nothing Jim could say that would not be a lie, no comfort he could offer. He wasn’t entirely sure he could have spoken if he had anything to say. His throat was closed, the pain making it almost impossible to think. And McCoy was on his way, to do what he could. But that too was a problem. The angry of the doctor was not something he had the energy to forestall and Spock might snap again.

“Master,” Jim finally whispered, trying to add moisture to his lips.

“I am here, kafeh,” Spock said quietly.

“Don’t hurt McCoy,” Jim pleaded. “He’ll be mad.”

“I know that he will, kafeh. I will not harm him, you have my word.”

Jim nodded into the pillow, allowing his eyes to drift closed once more.

“I will get you some water,” Spock said, standing to move away. When he returned, he once more knelt next to the bed, a towel at the ready. “Drink, love. A little at a time.”

Jim carefully sipped the water, feeling its return almost immediately. Spock got the towel in place, keeping the bed dry. Jim coughed involuntarily, making his back hurt even more. The new moisture on his face could not be mistaken for anything but his tears. He was vaguely aware of Spock moving away but he could not acknowledge it.

The sound of the door opening barely penetrated his mind but he didn’t dare look to see who had entered or left. He did hear Spock’s voice quietly telling someone, presumably Dr. McCoy, that this time he needed to repair his cracked rib. Even when he felt the approach of his Master and the doctor, he did not move, did not acknowledge that they were nearby.

“Jim,” McCoy’s voice said.

“The doctor is here to assist you, kafeh. You will allow it,” Spock informed him when he made no acknowledgment of the doctor.

Jim thought he may have nodded but he couldn’t be sure. He was sure to keep to his eyes tightly closed. He didn’t want to see the anger on his master’s face or the disapproval on the doctor’s.

“I need to talk to him,” McCoy requested firmly.

“Yes,” Spock said.

“Alone,” McCoy added.

“Why?”

“So he can be honest. So he can tell me the truth,” McCoy said.

“There is nothing which he cannot say before me,” Spock told him, a hard edge to his voice.

Jim barely listened to their conversation. It didn’t have any meaning to him or impact on his life, such as it was. His Master would tell him when something was required of him. Until then, he would simply lie still and wait.

“There are lots of things he won’t say to me while you’re here,” McCoy countered. “And I need to hear the truth. Not the version you’ll accept. The real truth.”

Spock looked from the doctor down at his kafeh laying motionless on the bed. Even when he followed their bond, he could not determine what Jim was thinking or feeling. All he encountered was a wall of ice behind which cowered his bondmate. “Kafeh,” he said, crouching next to him.

“Yes Master,” Jim responded, his face blank, his voice flat.

“Allow me to access your thoughts,” Spock ordered.

Jim flinched, scared to obey, scared to refuse. Any thoughts his master encountered would only anger him.

“Do not block my entry. I can dismantle your boxes if I am denied,” Spock warned.

“Forgive me, Master,” Jim said, opening the box that held the pain, the dismay, and the fear. Spock cringed at the emotions he encountered and Jim slammed the box shut.

“You may speak with him,” Spock decided after taking a calming breath. “Know that I will be aware of all that transpires.”

“I won’t touch him,” McCoy assured him in clipped tones. “I’ll let you know when I’m leaving.”

Spock nodded once and with a final concerned look down he left, not closing the connecting door completely.

McCoy sat next to Jim, studying him. “Tell me the truth.”

“I can’t. Do what you have to and go. Or just go,” Jim requested. Or ordered. It hardly mattered. McCoy had no intention of leaving until he was left no choice.

“You are dehydrated. You are on the verge of seizures because your body temperature is still too high. Your breathing is labored. He’s broken your newly healed skin. And unless I miss my guess, you have the mother of all headaches. Should I go on?”

“No. Help or go.”

“Not until you tell me the truth,” McCoy insisted.

“There is no truth. Help or go,” he repeated in the same monotone.

“I have no intention of leaving, Captain. This ship needs her Captain and I will not…”

“I am not your Captain. I am my Master’s slave. That’s all.”

“You are my Captain. You are Spock’s Captain. And you need to remember that,” McCoy told him.

“I can’t. I won’t survive,” Jim said quietly, his eyes tightly closed, a tear leaking out unbidden.

McCoy looked down at him, his own fear and nausea rising at the utter capitulation on Jim’s face. It was more than he could bear. Jim felt McCoy stand but did not bother to acknowledge it. If he left, all the better.

McCoy crossed over the Spock’s quarters, finding him sitting behind his desk. He was apparently staring at nothing, his body completely still. “Spock,” McCoy said, not wanting to startle him.

“You are finished?” Spock asked, not looking at the doctor.

“No. I haven’t started. I need to talk to you first,” McCoy said firmly, his tone not to be refused. He moved to stand in front of Spock, staring down at him, daring him to refuse to listen.

“There is nothing you have to say that I am interested in hearing,” Spock said.

“Even when I tell you that you are slowly killing your bondmate?” McCoy asked.

“You underestimate his strength,” Spock responded.

“You are overestimating his ability to survive your abuse.”

“Do not attempt to insert yourself where you are not welcome.”

“Welcome or not, I refuse to stand by and let Jim die. You can’t allow it,” the doctor said, his anger rising.

“He is not dying.”

“He’s dehydrated, he’s on the verge of seizures, and the pain you’ve inflicted on him is…. I need him in sickbay in order to treat him,” McCoy said.

“No. I have given you permission to care for him here. Do so,” Spock ordered.

“For the love of the gods, Spock, listen to me. You are killing Jim. And from what I understand, that will kill you as well,” he said, his voice rising in anger.

“I am telling you that his life is not in danger,” Spock said, staring at the doctor with anger frozen in his eyes.

“Why would I lie to you, Spock? Jim is in serious danger. Do you not care if he lives or dies?” McCoy demanded.

“Master,” Jim said quietly, on his hands and knees in the doorway, swaying slightly from the effort to remain upright.

“What in hell are you doing in here?” McCoy demanded of him.

Spock rose from the chair to squat next to his Human. “You must return to the bed, kafeh. I will be there shortly.”

“I heard you fighting, Master. Please don’t hurt him,” Jim pleaded, staring down at the floor between his hands.

“I will not harm him, kafeh. You do not need to concern yourself. He must care for you,” Spock said, caressing his hair.

“Captain, please,” McCoy said, looking from Jim to Spock in utter dismay.

“I told you - I’m not the Captain,” Jim said quietly. “I’m my Master’s kafeh.”

“You are not my slave,” McCoy said through clinched teeth. “You are my Captain. And I will not allow you to die.”

Spock slowly rose, fire reigniting in his eyes as he stared at the doctor. “Do not overstep your bounds, Doctor,” he warned.

“Master,” Jim whispered. “He doesn’t understand.”

“I understand well enough,” McCoy said in anger. “I understand that he is abusing you, Captain. I understand that he has broken your will. And I understand that he doesn’t seem to care that you could be dead by morning.”

Jim shook his head at those words. “I’m not.”

“Of course that’s what you believe. Because that’s what Spock’s told you. That doesn’t make it true. If I can’t lower your core body temperature, and stop the infection in your back, you will die, Captain.”

“Stop calling me that,” Jim demanded, his voice firm even though he had to lay down on his side, curled once more in a tight ball.

“You are the Captain. Whether Spock approves or not. Maybe you should both try remembering that,” McCoy said firmly.

“And you need to remember your place, Doctor. It is to care for him, not to lecture me,” Spock said, each word chipped from anger.

“I am trying to care for my Captain, Spock. But you won’t allow it. You’d rather let him die.”

“If you do not cease, you will not…”

“Master,” Jim said in pleading.

“Return to bed, kafeh,” Spock ordered.

“Can he come with me?” Jim requested. “Please, Master?”

Spock looked down at his kafeh, seeing the need and the concern reflected in the lines etched on his face. He leaned down to pick Jim up, carrying him back to his own quarters, gently laying him on the bed.

“Thank you,” Jim said, curling into his tight ball of pain and misery.

“You have 30 minutes, Doctor. No more. If you have not left at the end of that time, I will see that you do,” Spock warned.

“I need him in sickbay,” McCoy said.

“Absolutely not,” Spock said. “He will remain here. You now have 29 minutes.”

“Fine. Just go,” McCoy ordered, sitting on the edge of the bed and reaching for his medical kit. “Computer, lower the temperature to three degrees below human normal.”

“You will not touch him,” Spock ordered.

“Yes, I know,” McCoy said in exasperation, staring up at Spock. “You are wasting my time.”

Spock gave a curt nod and turned on his heel, returning to his own quarters.

“He would have hit you,” Jim said very quietly.

“I’m well aware of that, Jim,” McCoy assured him. “Why did he beat you again?”

“Because I deserved it,” Jim said.

“That’s not an answer. What happened that made him beat you?”

“He was trying to feed me but I couldn’t eat,” Jim admitted reluctantly.

“Of course you can’t. As much as you need to. What made him think you would?”

“I was hungry. Then I pissed him off,” Jim said miserably.

“So you are blocking him,” McCoy said, studying the scanner that he had been passing over Jim’s body.

“I don’t have a choice. He disapproves of my rampant thoughts,” Jim said in a quiet, defeated voice.

“He’s completely irrational,” McCoy confirmed.

“It’s not him, Bones. It’s the fever.”

“How can you defend him? He’s slowly killing you and you tell me he isn’t to blame,” McCoy said, shaking his head in disbelief.

“If it were a virus or micro-organism that was making him act this way, you wouldn’t blame him,” Jim pointed out.

“I don’t believe for one minute that anything could make Spock harm you.”

“Only plak tow,” Jim acknowledged.

“If his mating fever doesn’t break soon, it’s going to be too late for you,” McCoy warned.

“It’s our fever. He won’t let me die. You are overreacting because you’re pissed.”

“Of course I’m angry. You would be too if you were in your right head,” McCoy said, reaching in for a hypospray. “This is for the pain. It won’t be any fun having your rib or your back repaired.”

“I know that all too well,” Jim said, flinching as McCoy applied the injection. “It won’t make me sleep, will it?”

“No. I know I’m not allowed to sedate you. Raise your right arm over your head,” McCoy requested. He didn’t like the pain on Jim’s face as he complied but there was nothing more he could do, not without Spock’s permission. “It’s going to take me a couple of minutes. And I’m sorry I can’t stop the pain.”

“Just fix it,” Jim said, closing his eyes and concentrating on nothing at all. As expected, the pain began slowly, growing in his side, taking away his breath. He hated having his bones mended but knew there was no choice. If he could hold out, the pain wouldn’t last forever. It would only feel that way. He opened his eyes when the pain suddenly diminished. Spock was next to him, one gentle hand on his chest as McCoy continued his work. //Thank you, Master,// Jim said silently, grateful for Spock’s help.

//I do not wish for you to suffer, kafeh.//

//I tried to keep the pain from you,// Jim responded warily, knowing he had failed.

//You are not to blame. I am not angry,// Spock assured him, looking down at him with kindness in his eyes.

“There,” McCoy finally said. “You’ll be sore for a couple of hours. Please let me sedate him,” he requested of Spock.

//Will you need me?// Jim had to ask.

“I will allow it,” Spock agreed. //You may sleep undisturbed,// he promised.

//Thank you, Master,// Jim said, watching the doctor. He sighed when McCoy applied the hypospray once more to his bare shoulder, relaxing to wait for the medicine to take effect.

“I need to give him an IV,” McCoy said, looking up at Spock. “It can be in place while he sleeps. And it won’t interfere in anyway.”

“I will allow it,” Spock repeated.

McCoy nodded, reaching in for the canister of fluid and the connector. “I need to put it on the inside of his arm.”

Spock nodded, straightening Jim’s arm. He watched closely as McCoy placed the small metal device over one of the prominent veins, then put the tube on the device, attaching it to the canister. “Is it hurting you?” McCoy asked, beginning to work on the raw, ugly marks on Jim’s back.

“No,” Jim mumbled.

“Can you stay awake long enough to drink some water?” McCoy asked.

“No,” Jim repeated.

“Alright. Please see that he drinks when he wakes up,” McCoy said to Spock. “And when he starts having seizures, call me immediately.”

“He will not have seizures, Doctor. His body is cooling already.”

McCoy snorted at Spock and stood to look down at the bruised, battered, and exhausted body of his Captain. “Let him sleep. When he wakes, by himself, carefully remove the connector. He may have a little bleeding but it will stop soon.”

“I have no intentions of waking him, Doctor. And I will stop the bleeding should it occur,” Spock assured him.

“Will you allow me to return once he’s awake?”

“If he requires you, I will,” Spock said.

“Let him decide if he needs me, please.”

“If he requires you,” Spock repeated.

McCoy sighed, defeated and worried. “Fine.” With that, he turned on his heel and left, taking some of his anger with him.

“Master,” Jim whispered, his eyes barely opened into slits to look for his Tren-tor.

“I am here, kafeh. Sleep now.”

“What if you need me?”

“The fever is quiet. You will sleep undisturbed,” Spock promised, leaning down to kiss Jim’s head. “Know that I love you. I am not angry.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I am sure. If you would allow me to access your thoughts, you would have mine in assurance.”

“They annoy you,” Jim said softly, fear in the words.

“They do not. I regret I made you afraid of your own thoughts. You do not need to keep them locked so completely in your boxes. I know you are in pain and are tired. You do not need to hide from me.”

“Earth weather annoys you.”

“No, kafeh, it does not. It is what you know. Allow me in. I will ease your pain.”

“You’ll punish me,” Jim said, slow tears leaking out of his tightly closed eyes.

“I am to blame for your fear. And your tears,” Spock said, gently wiping them away with one finger. “Please accept my assistance.”

Jim took a deep breath and slowly opened the biggest of his boxes, releasing his anxiety, his exhaustion, the pain the doctor had not taken. //I’m sorry.//

//You do not need to apologize, kafeh. Sleep now,// Spock said, a gentle hand on the back of his head. It helped diminish the fear and the pain, exhaustion winning out. Spock continued to channel warm, comforting thoughts until he knew his kafeh had fallen into a deep and restful sleep.

The words of the doctor echoed in Spock’s head. Could he really be killing his bondmate? Spock checked Jim’s lifeforce, finding it with ease. It did not blaze with its customary brilliance but it was not in danger of being extinguished. Satisfied that his love was not in danger, Spock retreated to his quarters, sitting behind his desk, clearing his mind so he would know if his bondmate needed him.

~o.0.o~~o.0.o~~o.0.o~

Spock sensed Jim’s awakening before he completely surfaced. He was sitting on the edge of the bed when Jim opened his eyes. “Hi,” Jim said through parched lips.

“Are you feeling better?” Spock asked, kissing his warm cheek.

“Yes. How are you?”

“Worried about you. I have not been fair to you,” Spock said quietly, guilt in his voice. He very carefully removed the IV from Jim’s arm, kissing the red mark when he had if off.

“You aren’t to blame,” Jim said, rubbing the mark left on the inside of his arm, easing the sting left behind.

“I am. While you slept, I contacted my mother,” Spock admitted.

“Oh,” Jim said, surprised by that news.

“She is not as strong as you are, love. I could not reason how she survived through my father’s time,” Spock said.

“What did she say?” Jim asked. That was something he had also wondered but not consciously, not wanting to share those thoughts for fear of stepping out of his place.

“She scolded me,” Spock admitted. “Told me that the madness is only as intense as I allow it to be. If I have abused you, I am to blame, not the fever.”

“Isn’t everyone’s time different?” Jim asked.

“Yes, to an extent. She thinks my mixed heritage complicates matters. She also believes it should have protected you.”

“Protected me,” Jim repeated, not entirely sure he understood. He carefully used their cooler bond to reach Spock’s thoughts, finding welcome and refuge. //Can you explain, please?//

//You need to empty your bladder. And we will shower,// Spock said, slowly standing. He reached down and picked up his bondmate, carefully cradling him in his arms to carry him to the bathroom. //I will start the shower while you take care of your body’s needs.// He put his Human on his feet, making sure he could remain upright before removing his supporting arms.

“I may do it myself?” Jim asked, needing to make sure he had permission.

“Yes, love.”

Jim nodded, looking over his shoulder at Spock, wondering about the changes that had taken place.

//My mother threatened me,// Spock admitted, laughter almost contained.

//Oh,// Jim responded, turning to face him when he was finished.

//She said that I am not too old for her to bend me over her lap,// Spock confessed. //I deserve it.//

//What did she say to you? Besides threatening you?// Jim had to ask, leaning against the counter to remain upright.

“That I did not need to prove that I could force you to submit to me. I have no right to try and break your will. I fell in love with my Captain. And he loves me enough to allow me to do what I must until the fever breaks.”

“I do love you. And I’m trying very hard not to be your Captain,” Jim said softly, looking down at the cool tiles beneath his feet.

“You have succeeded. Mother suggests that has angered me as well.”

“My capitulation?” Jim asked.

“Yes. As much as I told myself that it was I wanted, it was not true. I love every part of you. I fell in love with the part that is capable of being my Captain.” Spock put a gentle finger under Jim’s chin, lifting his head so his eyes could meet Spock’s. “How can I then try to destroy that which makes you the man I love?”

“Is that what you wanted? To destroy the Captain?” Jim asked softly, not entirely sure how he felt about. He wasn’t even sure Amanda was correct. It was an interesting theory.

“Come, love. We need to bathe then I will…you will have water. And coffee,” Spock promised.

//Did you want to destroy the Captain?// Jim repeated, leaning against the wall with one shoulder as Spock carefully scrubbed his skin.

//It is more complex than that, love. If I could not be sure of your submission, you would find another more worthy of your love.//

//No,// Jim said, shaking his head. //There is no one else for me.//

//Yes, I do know that. The fever made me doubt it. At least that is what I told myself. Mother said I was using it as an excuse. I wanted to prove to myself that you would not leave me, no matter how badly I treated you.//

//It was a test?//

//Not one I intended. And I must ask your forgiveness,// Spock said, kissing his forehead under the cascading water. //You are angry,// Spock realized in sadness.

//No. I don’t think so.// Jim straightened, looking up at Spock. “You were angry. You were angry at me.”

“Yes. Unfairly so.”

“Are you still? I’m having some trouble keeping up. What do you expect from me?” Jim asked, wishing his head was not swimming.

“I…I want your forgiveness. Your patience. Your understanding.”

“My submission?” Jim had to ask. “Am I to remain your kafeh?”

Spock turned off the water, reaching out for a towel to tenderly dry his Human. He would not meet his eyes, would not answer the question.

“Am I? Am I still your kafeh?” Jim asked quietly, looking down at Spock where he knelt before him to dry his feet.

“You are my love. You are my t’hy’la. You are not my kafeh,” Spock said, gazing up at Jim with a mix of love and sorrow reflected in his eyes.

“The fever is abated now. What about when it returns? I can’t go from t’hy’la back to kafeh. If you demand I remain kafeh, I will. If I am your t’hy’la, I cannot be your kafeh.”

Spock nodded, leaning down to kiss the tops of Jim’s feet. “Forgive me, t’hy’la.”

“I should have contacted Amanda before I did anything else,” Jim said.

//You are laughing// Spock said in amazement.

//I had no idea she scares you so much,// Jim returned, smiling inwardly.

//She does not frighten me. She tells me things no one else can. No one but you.//

//You’ll listen to her before you’ll listen to anyone else, even me,// Jim amended. //What made you contact her?//

//I began to consider all that I had inflicted on you. Dr. McCoy kept telling me you would die if I continued to act in such a manner. If the fever made me capable of killing the person I hold most dear, how had my mother survived?//

//I’m glad you reached her,// Jim said.

//As am I. Dr. McCoy also made an impression on me,// Spock admitted. //I have already apologized to him.//

//Did he survive the shock?//

“I believe so. Once he finished yelling at me, he asked that I have you call him if you need him. I promised that I would,” Spock said, picking Jim up.

“I can walk,” Jim protested halfheartedly.

“I know that you can. I choose to carry you.”

“How long did I sleep?” Jim asked as Spock sat him down on his feet.

“Five point three hours. All systems report normal. Can you remain standing while I change the sheets?”

“I think so. I could lay down in your quarters,” Jim suggested.

“It is too warm. Your body temperature cannot be allowed to rise,” Spock said as he stripped the bed and remade it with quiet efficiency.

“Oh. Are you going to sleep in here?” Jim asked tentatively.

“If you will allow it. I will place an extra blanket on my side of the bed.”

“Of course I’ll allow it. It’s what I want,” Jim said. “Oh. I’m sorry,” he said, fearing he had spoken out of turn.

//It is what I want, love. For you to desire my company,// Spock said, holding up the covers so Jim could lay in the freshly made bed.

//Always.//

//Even when you are frightened of me?// Spock asked, sitting next to him to kiss his forehead.

//Always,// Jim repeated.

“Do you want water? Or coffee?” Spock asked gently.

“Uhmm…I don’t know. What time is it?”

“1934,” Spock said.

“Water,” Jim decided.

“Will you also eat some fruit for me, please?” Spock asked.

“Yes. Oranges and grapes?”

“Certainly. They are in my quarters. I will return shortly,” Spock promised.

Jim lay on his bed, still marveling at the change that had occurred. It was still hard for him to fathom. Was it only Amanda that had restored his Spock to him? If so, he owed his mother-in-law a debt of gratitude he would never be able to pay. But would the transformation last? Or would his Tren-tor reappear, to demand his surrender, that he again become only his slave?

“I will not demand that of you,” Spock promised as he reappeared, a bowl in one hand, a large glass of water in the other.

“How can you be sure? You didn’t expect it to happen,” Jim said, careful not to let it sound like a challenge.

“Now that it has, we will guard against it. If necessary, we will contact my mother,” Spock said with silent laughter.

“Is the fever gone, love? You are much more yourself,” Jim said as he drank from the water.

“It is quiet. It is not finished with us. In the morning, I will need your body. I will be gentle,” Spock promised.

“Will you require my submission?”

“No. Your love. Your assistance.”

“I need your assistance,” Jim said with resignation.

“I will administer the suppositories. Unless you prefer to do it yourself.”

“I’d prefer that you do it,” Jim admitted, accepting the bowl of fruit. “Have you eaten?”

“Yes. Tomorrow, if you like, we will eat in Officers' Mess,” Spock said, caressing Jim's cheek.

Jim studied him through the eyes of love, seeing the person he loved, the one he married. He was grateful for the return of his love, his t’hy’la. “We should. So the crew will know we're okay.”

“Yes,” Spock confirmed. “I have felt some general anxiety emanating from the crew.”

“You don't usually know their thoughts,” Jim said, eating more grapes and sipping from the cool water.

“I believe our heightened sensuality has increased my receptiveness to the thoughts and... emotions of those around us,” Spock said. “I will endeavor not to overwhelm you with those sensations.”

“I don't mind if you do. It must be tiring to you, to be bombarded by their thoughts and trying to sort them out,” Jim guessed.

“As I accustom to blocking all Humans except mine, it is, as you might say, second nature,” Spock assured him.

“Amanda is well?” Jim asked, eating half an orange slice and giving the remaining half to Spock.

“Very well,” Spock agreed, having no trouble tracking the leaps of Jim's thoughts. “She would very much like for us to pay her a visit when time allows.”

“As luck would have it, Starbase Zeppelin is very convenient to Vulcan,” Jim said, gazing up at Spock in love and humor.

“Indeed it is. We will visit Iowa at our next opportunity,” Spock promised.

“We won't tell mom,” Jim agreed. He finished the fruit and water, returning the bowl to Spock and laying down to look up at him. “I need to go back to sleep. Are you coming?”

“Will you be able to sleep without me?” Spock asked, kissing his head.

“Uh huh. Is anything going on that I need to know about?” Jim asked softly.

“Nothing that will not wait until you wake up, love. Everything aboard your ship is fine,” Spock assured him.

“’Kay,” Jim said, his eyes drifting closed by themselves. Spock remained where he was, watching his love fall deeper into sleep, the lines of pain and stress eased the deeper he went. With a deep breath, Spock stood and returned to Jim’s desk, catching up on some of the work he had been neglecting.

~o.0.o~~o.0.o~~o.0.o~

“Hey,” Jim said sleepily when he slowly woke, finding the comforting warmth of Spock next to him in bed.

“Good morning, love,” Spock said, kissing his head. “How are you feeling?”

“I don’t know yet. Is it time to be up?”

“It is 0712,” Spock told him. “We need to let Dr. McCoy know you are awake.”

“’Kay,” Jim said, rubbing his cheek on Spock’s warm skin.

“Are you hungry, love?”

“I don’t know. Do you need me?”

“I will once when you are fully awake. I can wait until after you eat,” Spock said as he kissed him again.

“No. I’m not hungry,” Jim decided, slowly rising to his knees and drawing down the covers to reveal Spock’s beautiful body. “If I give you a mind-blowing blow-job, will that take care of your needs?” Jim asked, licking across the firm erection waiting for him.

//Yes. Please,// Spock agreed, watching his love with glazed eyes. His erection firmed up even more as Jim licked him, caressing him with his warm tongue and succulent lips. Jim’s practiced mouth found the right places, sending Spock to places only love could send him. Jim hummed around the delicious firmness filling his mouth, enjoying the inhumanly heat of Spock’s release. When Spock was complete, Jim crawled his way back up his body, laying pressed close to absorb his warmth. //Love,// Spock sighed, hugging him carefully.

“You okay now?” Jim asked, caressing Spock’s beautiful body, skimming over the hard angles of his hip bones, down to the curls decorating his groin.

“Far better than okay,” Spock assured him. “Are you aroused?”

“No,” Jim said, shaking his head. “Why are you worried about the crew?”

“Not worried as much as aware of their concerns,” Spock said. “Your absence is difficult on them.”

“Mmm…” Jim responded, closing his eyes. “Can we have lunch in Officers’ Mess?”

“That would be helpful,” Spock agreed. “Don’t fall back asleep. Dr. McCoy must come.”

“Doesn’t need to,” Jim said, licking his lips.

“Are you thirsty, love?”

“Uh huh.”

Spock reached over to the table and filled the glass with ice water. “Here, love. Drink. Slowly.”

“Mmm…” Jim responded, struggling to raise up on one elbow to sip from the water. “Thanks.”

“I need to contact Dr. McCoy. Stay awake until he arrives.”

“’Kay,” Jim replied automatically, his eyes closing all by themselves. He really had meant to stay awake but his body had other plans. He was vaguely aware of the doctor coming and checking him over but as nothing was required of him, he drifted back to sleep. He knew that Dr. McCoy administered a couple of hypos but they were of no concern to him and did not disturb his sleep.

~o.0.o~~o.0.o~~o.0.o~

The next time he woke, he was aware of being alone. He traced the bond to find Spock somewhere outside their quarters. That was odd. He couldn’t tell exactly where he was or what Spock was doing but sensed that he would return shortly. In the meantime, he had to visit the bathroom, to answer the call of his body. Sitting up proved to be easier than he expected, the floor remaining blessedly stable under his somewhat wobbly legs. Once he arrived in his bathroom, he emptied his bladder and brushed his teeth. Looking at himself in the mirror turned out to be a mistake, the bruise on his cheek still black and ugly. At least his eyes didn’t look quite as shallow and his skin was not as colorless. He turned toward the door when he heard it slide open, smiling as Spock entered.

“Hi,” he said in greeting, thinking Spock looked a little strange in his uniform.

“My love,” Spock said, studying him with a critical eye. “You look better.”

Jim shrugged one shoulder, leaving the bathroom. “Where were you?”

“Nowhere particular. I went for a walk-around. Your crew is furious with me.”

“Why? That makes no sense,” Jim said, going with Spock to the bed so he could lie down on his side to look up at Spock.

“I appeared and you did not. They asked…demanded to know where you were and when they would be able to talk with you again,” Spock said.

“Oh. Is it time for lunch?” Jim asked, rubbing his cheek on Spock’s thigh.

“It is 1132. Dr. McCoy threatened to do unspeakable things to me if I did not alert him when you woke.”

“Okay,” Jim said with a smile. “He can come.”

“I also contacted Amanda. She is glad her advice helped. And she’d like to talk to you when you are feeling up to it,” Spock said.

“I will after lunch. I’m getting really hungry.”

“A good sign,” Spock said, leaving the bed to contact Dr. McCoy and ask him if it were convenient for him to visit at this time. He agreed to come right away, Spock expressing his appreciation before closing the connection.

It was only minutes later that Dr. McCoy arrived at their quarters, entering and crossing directly over to Jim. He no longer looked like he was trying to avoid Spock as he sat on the bed where Spock had been. “How are you doing?” he asked Jim, scanning him.

“Much better. I slept. I’m hungry. We’re going to Mess for lunch.”

“Good,” McCoy agreed in approval. “Eat whatever you want. Even if it’s less than nutritious.”

“You’re coming aren’t you?” Jim asked.

“I can’t, Jim. Even if I could, you need to talk to your crew alone,” McCoy said.

“Are you refusing because you’re mad at Spock?” Jim asked with an edge of authority to his voice.

“I have a sickbay full of crewmembers who decided to find out whether or not the berries they found on the last away mission made good wine. Idiots.”

“They were fermenting them?” Jim asked, torn between annoyance and amusement.

“Yeah. Sulu may have had something to do with it. Not that he’ll admit it. They’ll all be fine but they have the most extraordinary rashes. The worst hives I’ve ever seen. I’m nearly out of diphenhydramine and salicylates. Good thing we’re on our way to Starbase Zeppelin.”

“We are?” Jim asked in surprise.

“Oh. You hadn’t told him yet?” McCoy asked Spock, glancing up at him.

“The charting of Deka section is complete so I instructed Mr. Scott to proceed to the Starbase. I trust you have no objections.”

“None,” Jim agreed. “They need it.”

“We will arrive in 2.35 days,” Spock said.

“’Kay. Will I live?” he asked McCoy who had to smile at him.

“Incredibly enough, yes. You are still dehydrated. And the infection is still present in your body but another couple rounds of antibiotics will knock it out completely. You’re going to need to sleep after lunch. And even if pon farr is done, don’t plan to return to duty. You’ll be able to order everyone around when we get to Starbase. Stay under the radar until then, please.”

“Okay. Is pon farr done with us?” Jim asked Spock, pretty sure he already knew the answer.

“92.4%.”

Jim laughed at him, shaking his head. “What does that mean?”

“That in 12 hours, it will have subsided completely. I can take care of the needs that remain.”

Jim glanced at McCoy who was trying hard not to blush. Not that there wasn’t anything the two of them couldn’t say in front of him. But the intimacy they were discussing was a little much even for him.

“Unless you need me, I need to get back,” McCoy said, slowly standing.

“I’m fine,” Jim assured him. “Thanks.”

“I’ll come tonight, when you tell me the coast is clear, and give you the antibiotics. And anything else you may need.”

“I will alert you,” Spock agreed. “Thank you.”

“No charge,” McCoy said as he left, relief visible in his steps and in his face.

“Do you need my assistance to put on your uniform?” Spock asked Jim as he sat back by him.

“I don’t think so. If I can’t get dressed by myself, I can’t eat in the Mess, can I?” Jim asked sensibly.

“An excellent point, Captain.”

“Thank you, Commander. You told Starfleet that we’re proceeding to Starbase, right?” Jim asked as he got his uniform out of his closet.

“I did. They wanted to know where you were,” Spock admitted reluctantly. “I said that you were temporarily indisposed.”

“I guess we should have told them,” Jim said in realization.

“A Captain has a certain amount of latitude,” Spock reminded him.

“True,” Jim agreed as he pulled on his shirt, settling it and deciding it was not going to rub too much on his back. “Well. Next time we will tell them.”

“Next time I would request that we go to Vulcan before it begins in earnest. You will be protected by my parents’ presence.”

“Oh…only if we can stay somewhere besides their house. I frankly don’t think I could be there when they knew what was going on,” Jim admitted.

“There is a private cottage on the estate. We can utilize it when the need arises.”

“That sounds good,” Jim agreed. “Do you know where my boots are?” he asked only a little embarrassed as he looked around his quarters for them, not finding them.

“Your closet,” Spock said, going over for them. “Here you are.”

“Thank you, love.”

Spock knelt before Jim, gazing up at him with sad black eyes. “You are much more forgiving than I deserve.”

“Don’t say that. What happened was beyond your control. You would never choose to hurt me. I knew what I was doing when I married you.”

“You could not have anticipated what pon farr would do to us,” Spock said in regret.

“Neither could you,” Jim told him, watching him stand and reach a warm hand down. Together they went to the Mess, talking to all those present, most ignoring Spock as politely as they possibly could. //They really are pissed,// Jim observed as he enjoyed a second cup of coffee. If he hadn’t eaten as much as normal, Spock was not going to mention it. Jim had consumed a fair amount of his lunch and was looking better for it.

//They must know why we did not appear outside our quarters,// Spock returned.

//Probably so,// Jim agreed, looking up as one of Scotty’s engineers stopped at their table. “Yes, Lieutenant, I’m feeling much better. Thank you.”

The engineer nodded and walked away, very carefully not staring at the black and blue mark on his Captain’s cheek that looked suspiciously like a handprint.

//I guess I should ask Bones to heal the bruise,// Jim said, studying Spock.

//I am surprised he did not insist,// Spock said.

Jim shrugged at that, slowly standing.

“It was probably to punish me,” Spock said, walking out of the Mess beside the Captain.

“When he comes next time, he can take care of it,” Jim said. “Think he’d yell at me if we went to the observation lounge for a few minutes?”

“I am certain he would approve. We will return to our quarters afterward,” Spock said as they entered the turbolift to go up to the lounge. They naturally went over to the windows, watching the stars streak by.

“This is where we belong,” Jim said quietly.

“Have you ever had reason to doubt it?” Spock asked in a matching tone.

“No. I never expected to fall in love with my first officer and marry him,” Jim said, smiling up at Spock.

“Do you regret the way your life has turned out?” Spock asked, certain he already knew the answer.

“Not one minute of it. Even at the worst, I knew pon farr would end and you would still be mine. That’s all I ever need to know.”

“It is remarkable to me that you can forgive me,” Spock admitted, kissing Jim’s head and meeting his eyes in their reflections shining in the window.

“There is nothing to forgive, love. We were victims. I know that. And nothing will ever change the way I feel about you. Nothing.”

Spock nodded, moving behind his t’hy’la to wrap his arms around his Human, his love, his world. They had each other and ultimately that’s all they would ever need. No matter what.