Want Need Desire Pt 3

Jim was reclining against the headboard of their bed, padd after padd covering every available surface. He’d been reviewing and signing reports for a couple of hours and was still only about a third of the way through.

Spock was working on his computer, a soft buzz of affection connecting them. Bones had asked Jim once what that felt like and Jim had tried to explain as best he could. He didn’t think he had succeeded but Bones had appreciated his effort when Jim said it was like a hum he could barely hear, a warmth that wrapped itself around him.

//I do love you,// Spock said as Jim considered the sensation anew.

“I never doubt it,” Jim assured him, his voice sounding unnaturally loud in the quiet of their quarters.

“I know you do not,” Spock said as he stood and rounded the divider. He sat on the edge of the bed, careful not to disturb the padds that seemed to be in some mysterious order.

“You done?” Jim asked with a smile just for him.

“For tonight. I had hoped to get into bed but I see that may not be possible,” Spock teased, one warm hand on Jim’s cheek, the affection buzzing between them even stronger.

“I think I can make room for you. But you’ll have to leave before morning. So my bondmate doesn’t find you in bed with me,” Jim said, his blue eyes sparkling at his mischief.

“I see,” Spock said, pretending to consider it.

“He can be pretty possessive,” Jim added.

“That is unfortunate. Surely there is enough of your ego to go around.”

Jim huffed at him, moving away so they were no longer in contact. “For that you can sleep on the floor.”

“I apologize. I will be gone by the time he arrives,” Spock promised, laying on top of Jim in order to kiss him. “Will that be satisfactory?”

“Most satisfactory,” Jim agreed absently, reaching up for another kiss. “What were you doing on the computer?” Jim had to ask when he felt Spock’s firm erection pressing into his hip.

“Research.”

“On what? It must have been pretty interesting,” Jim said, one hand tangling in Spock’s black hair, the other trapped between them.

“It was quite fascinating,” Spock agreed. “Especially in light of the fact that we have the next three days off duty.”

“Oh,” Jim said. “I’m submitting to you.”

Spock kissed him rather than answer directly. He could feel Jim’s usual mix of excitement and trepidation at the realization. “Do you have any non-negotiables?”

“What?” Jim asked, trying to focus on Spock. But he was too close and too busy kissing Jim’s neck to make such concentration possible.

“Do you have any non-negotiables? Anything you find entirely unacceptable?” Spock asked, raising his head enough to study Jim’s face.

“I don’t know. What do you have in mind?” Jim asked, not showing any particular reservations in learning what Spock was thinking.

“I am not certain. As we have up to now only engaged in corporal punishment. Are you interested in expanding our activities?”

“I think so,” Jim said in some uncertainty.

“You are worried.”

“No, not worried. I’m just wondering what you want to do to me. Not details exactly. A general idea,” Jim explained.

“I really do not know,” Spock said. “That is why I wondered if there was anything you could not endure. Any fears that I might inadvertently trigger.”

“No. I don’t have any phobias. Except maybe free jumping without a parachute. But I’m pretty sure you don’t intend to shove me out an airlock.”

“You can be very certain that will never occur,” Spock said.

“Yeah. So you don’t know what you’d like to try? I mean, do you want to try using a belt or something besides my paddle?”

“I know you prefer being spanked by hand,” Spock said thoughtfully, speaking between kisses. “I was considering tying you up.”

“Oh,” Jim said. “Like hog-tying me?”

“Nothing so drastic. Securing you to the bed. Or the wall. Would you object to being tied?”

“No. That’s what you mean by non-negotiable?”

“It is,” Spock agreed.

“Then I really hate being gagged. It makes my jaws hurt and I have trouble breathing,” Jim said.

“I have been witness,” Spock reminded him, trying not to dwell on those unfortunate incidences when they were captured and bound, including gags which nearly suffocated Jim, his breathing quickly becoming labored.

“Yeah, I guess you have,” Jim had to agree. “I don’t know that I have any other limits. Especially since I know you would never do anything to harm me. It’s the only reason I can submit to you.”

“As I am aware,” Spock said with a kiss.

“You have gotten much more comfortable dominating me,” Jim remarked.

“You so clearly enjoy it, it is easier for me to fulfill your desires.”

“Right. Because you don’t get anything out of it,” Jim said with a laugh.

Spock raised one eyebrow at him. “If I do decide to experiment, you are to tell me if you find anything unacceptable.”

“I will,” Jim agreed.

“I am granting you permission, t’hy’la. I do not wish to overwhelm you.”

“I understand. I’ll tell you if you are getting too close to my limits.”

“Very well,” Spock said. “Might I join you in bed?”

“Uh huh. Do you want me to clean up these padds or are you willing to do it for me?” Jim asked in his most flirtatious voice.

“I should require you to as you created this mess,” Spock said as he stood and began collecting the padds.

“I did. But you don’t really mind,” Jim said with a smile.

“I see it as my duty. As your First Officer,” Spock claimed, carefully stacking them on the desk.

“Oh you do?” Jim asked with a laugh as Spock joined him in bed. “What about making love to me? Is that part of your duty as well?”

“It most certainly is, sir,” Spock agreed, swallowing Jim’s laugh with a hard kiss. He then proceeded to fulfill his duty in a most satisfying way before sleep claimed them both.

_o0o

“T’hy’la,” Spock said the next morning, stroking Jim’s hair. Jim was laying snug up against Spock, his head in its customary place on Spock’s shoulder. Spock had been watching him sleep for 12.32 minutes, finding immense comfort observing him without making him at all self-conscious.

“Mmm…” Jim sighed, not otherwise moving.

“Will you wake up for me?” Spock requested, kissing his head.

“Already?” Jim mumbled into Spock’s skin.

“It is 0814, love. I was becoming concerned.”

“I’m fine. Sleeping because I can,” Jim assured him, his blue eyes finally opening to focus on Spock even though he could barely be considered awake. “I’m surprised you didn’t make me wake up.”

Spock shrugged the shoulder beneath Jim’s head, kissing him. “As I am planning to use you as an experiment, I chose to allow you to sleep.”

“Until now,” Jim pointed out, letting his eyes drift back closed.

“Are you going to make me order you out of bed?” Spock asked, his voice taking on a familiar, hard edge.

“No,” Jim sighed, slowly sitting up, his hand caressing Spock’s chest. “You tell Bones?”

“Naturally. If you are unwilling to submit, you must tell me now,” Spock said more gently, one hand on the side of Jim’s face.

Jim turned to kiss his palm, licking it and smiling at Spock’s gasp. “I’ll be good.”

“You always make the attempt. You do not always succeed,” Spock reminded him.

Jim shrugged at that. “I don’t want to spoil all your fun. If I’m too obedient, you don’t get to punish me.”

“I see,” Spock said, one eyebrow raised. “You are only interested in my enjoyment.”

“Sure,” Jim laughed, climbing over Spock in order to go to the bathroom, very shortly returning to watch Spock dress in his customary black leisure attire. “I can make the coffee, right?”

“Yes,” Spock agreed, kissing his head before sitting back on the bed, watching Jim move around their quarters, enjoying the view. He was relieved that there were no bruises on Jim’s body so that he would not have to worry about overwhelming him.

“I’m not worried, love,” Jim assured him. “You don’t need to be either.” Jim stood next to the bed, looking down at Spock with an expression of complete love and utter faith.

“Bring your cock-ring and paddle to me,” Spock instructed, the transformation into Jim’s master complete.

“Yes, sir,” Jim agreed, getting them out of the bottom drawer, handing the cock-ring to Spock and putting the paddle on their table as directed. Spock was sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting for his return.

“Do you want me to put this on you?” Spock asked as he always did. Jim had to request to be dominated. Spock would not do it without Jim’s verbal agreement.

“Will you put my cock-ring on me, please?” Jim asked, getting a disapproving eyebrow in response. “Please sir,” he quickly amended.

Spock nodded, reaching between his spread legs to snap it securely in place. He backed up slightly and Jim knew what was expected of him. When Spock was ready, Jim stretched out face down over Spock’s thighs, his cheek on his folded arms. “Are you ready?”

“Yes sir,” Jim replied.

“Ask that I begin,” Spock ordered, rubbing over the hard mounds of his love.

“Will you please spank me, sir?” Jim said in a firm voice.

“Because you asked, I will,” Spock agreed as he always did. “You will use your safeword if you begin to feel overwhelmed.”

“Yes sir,” Jim agreed, relaxing to wait. Holding himself tense, he had learned the hard way, only made the pain worse.

As always, Spock started slowly, allowing Jim time to adjust to the pain and the heat as it grew under his skin. When he had determined that Jim was sufficiently in the moment, he increased the force of the blows, the sound echoing off the walls and combining with the small grunts from Jim each time Spock hit him. Spock was sure to spread the blows evenly over this butt and his upper thighs, those more receptive to the pain than was his ass.

At 15 blows, Jim began to unconsciously squirm, instinctively trying to escape the pain. Spock tightened his grip around Jim’s midsection, holding him immobilized over his hard thighs. At 20, Jim was moaning, his breathing hitching from the effort to get sufficient air into his lungs.

“Is that enough for now?” Spock asked when he slowed and stopped after 5 more.

“Yes sir. For now sir,” Jim agreed, his cheeks wet, his hair plastered to his head from the sweat that always accompanied Spock spanking him. He wanted to tell himself the moisture on his cheeks was also only sweat but he knew better. His runny nose and burning eyes betrayed him. His breathing was coming in small gasps as though he had been running hard.

“Move down the bed,” Spock ordered, watching Jim obey. Spock reached over for the Kleenex, instructing Jim to blow his nose and wipe his face. When he had done so, Spock removed his pants, slowly and sensually, before swiveling on the bed so that his legs were on either side of Jim’s kneeling form. Spock lifted his shirt just over his hard stomach, stroking down the hard muscles and grazing over his prominent hip bones before leisurely grasping his erection. He watched Jim as his breathing became easier. “You will perform fellatio.”

Jim was careful not to react to that statement. He knew Spock knew how much he hated giving Spock a blow job. It wasn’t that he didn’t love Spock enough to do it to him. He hated the feeling of complete control it gave Spock. He was at Spock’s mercy when he sucked him off. And it made him feel claustrophobia, as though the entire universe was reduced to the space between Spock’s legs, especially if Spock touched the back of his head while he was doing it. He would rather submit to almost anything other than sucking off Spock.

He would admit that he enjoyed being on the receiving side of a blow job. Any man who said they didn’t enjoy it was a liar. But doing it – he hated it. He always had. And up to now he’d been able to refuse anyone who had requested it. Until he started submitting to Spock. Because he hated it so much, it was useful to Spock – to make him do it to prove that Spock held unquestioned dominion over him – all of him. Including his mouth. He could never put it on his ‘non-negotiable’ list because Spock knew it didn’t frighten him. He just hated it.

“You can continue to stall. Or you can do it to spare yourself another beating,” Spock said in warning as he continued to caress his very firm erection, pre-cum glistening at the tip.

“Please sir,” Jim tried, shaking his head.

Spock did not respond except for leaving the bed. When he was sure Jim was watching him, he dumped the coffee out of the pot into their small sink.

Jim gasped at his action, his eyes wide and showing some fear. For Spock to waste anything was unheard of. And to torment Jim by dumping out his coffee sent a signal that his research had been to Jim’s detriment. “I’m sorry sir. I’ll be good,” Jim promised humbly, staring down at the bed, his shoulders slumped under the weight of his transgression.

“Come here,” Spock ordered, standing by the table where they shared their private meals, his black pants back in place.

Jim knew that meant only one thing and he limped over to where Spock was standing. Hoping to make some amends, Jim automatically lay his upper body on the table, his arms stretched out to the sides, spread-eagle, his skin taut. He felt rather than saw Spock nod in approval before he picked up the paddle that was waiting on the table, inches from Jim’s nose. “How many do you deserve?”

“10 sir,” Jim said. That was the fewest he was allowed to request unless Spock gave him permission to reduce the number. This was not one of those cases.

“We’ll start with 20,” Spock decided as though Jim hadn’t spoken.

20. That told Jim how bad today was going to be. Spock almost never hit him with the paddle that many times so early. Jim concentrated for a moment on their very quiet bond, reassured that Spock was not angry with him.

“You believe you have truly angered me,” Spock said, carefully caressing Jim’s strong back, his affection transmitting through his fingers.

“You poured out the coffee, sir. You hate waste.”

“A demonstration, t’hy’la. That I am being stern does not mean that I am angry.”

“I understand, sir. I’ll suck your beautiful cock after you paddle me.”

“You will be obedient to me?”

“Yes sir,” Jim agreed, staring up at Spock, his eyes wide in his need to convince Spock he regretted his refusal.

“Very well. Are you ready for me to paddle you?”

“Yes sir. Please hit me 20 times,” Jim said as required.

Spock transmitted his muted approval through his touch as he lightly grazed over Jim’s taut backside before raising the paddle and hitting him. As much as it hurt, Jim was thankful that Spock was taking it relatively easy on him. He could be hitting him much harder, a fact Jim could not easily contemplate as the pain built up in his skin.

By the time Spock had hit him 8 times, Jim wasn’t sure he was going to last through the last 12. It hurt way more than he remembered and he thought his skin was about to split in half. His fingers ached from gripping the sides of the table, the edges biting into the flesh of his hands.

“Sir,” he gasped after 13, Spock stopping and moving to the side of the table.

“Yes?” Spock responded, looking down at Jim’s tear stained face.

“First gear, sir,” Jim said reluctantly, needing a pause, some time to collect himself.

“You are in more pain than usual,” Spock agreed, stroking his sweat drenched hair.

“Yes sir,” Jim agreed reluctantly, sniffing.

“Very well. We will dispense with the final 7,” Spock said. Jim relaxed at the words, his relief momentary. “For now.”

“Yes sir,” Jim automatically agreed.

“Remain as you are,” Spock instructed, moving out of Jim’s sight. Jim tried very hard to lay still, knowing all too well the consequences of disobeying him. Jim wanted to move away from the cold hardness of the ice that Spock placed on his burning ass but he knew he had to accept Spock’s ministrations. “If you do not lay still, I will tie you,” Spock warned, caressing Jim’s back in warm strokes as he squirmed in discomfort.

“Yes sir,” Jim sniffed, closing his eyes against the pain and his own shame.

“You have no reason to feel shamed, t’hy’la. You have done well this morning.”

“I disobeyed you. You poured out the coffee, sir,” Jim said softly.

“I believe the lack of coffee is more hurtful than the spanking,” Spock said, considering it.

Jim did not respond to his statement, working to contain the emotions warring inside his head. He didn’t want to overwhelm Spock but he felt like something deep inside him was about to snap and he wasn’t sure what would happen if it did.

“You are safe with me, t’hy’la. If you need to express your pain or your fear or your sorrow, you need not consider it further,” Spock assured him, still warming Jim with his gentle touches.

“It is too much for you, sir,” Jim said, unable to articulate it any clearer. His head was buzzing too loudly and his heart was beating too rapidly.

“Your pain is mine. Your fear is mine. You are mine,” Spock reminded him, sounding unusually possessive. And Jim reluctantly admitted that he liked it. “Remain as you are. I will return.”

“Yes sir,” Jim replied, disappointed that he had upset Spock to the point that he was leaving him. Well, it was really inevitable, wasn’t it? Everyone else had. He was destined to be alone and he had reconciled himself to his fate long ago. He thought Spock was different but since he was still the same person, it made sense that….

“T’hy’la,” Spock’s warm voice whispered, one hand on his back in warm connection. “What has caused this downward spiral? I simply left your side long enough to make you more coffee.”

“Really?” Jim asked, his bright blue eyes opening to look at Spock in hope and barely muted despair. He gasped in relief when Spock reached between his burning thighs to remove the cock-ring trying to contain his erection.

“Come,” Spock invited, holding one hand out and helping him painfully straighten. Spock led him to their bed, laying down and wrapping warm arms around Jim when he lay pressed next to him. “Tell me how you think I could ever leave you. You who are one half of all that I am.”

Jim sniffed, kissing Spock’s neck lightly. “Bones used to call it jumping into an ocean of despair,” Jim said softly.

“Your anxiety would be triggered and you would overwhelm yourself,” Spock translated.

“Uh huh. It didn’t happen a lot. And I haven’t done it since I became Captain. But….”

“The Admirals were angry yesterday. And you were unable to contact Chris.”

“Yeah,” Jim said, one foot moving restlessly up and down the bed.

“You should have told me when I said you were submitting to me,” Spock said in concern, no scolding in the words or tone.

“It didn’t occur to me until you said… all I heard was that you were leaving. Like everyone else ever had,” Jim said, reluctant to even say the words out loud, silent tears falling on Spock’s shirt at the confession.

“I spank you because I love you enough to do it. I make you submit because you need to be cared for. If it begins to bring all of your unacknowledged insecurities to the surface, I do not know that we can continue.”

Jim considered those words, turning them over in his head. “We need to continue because it surfaces my deepest insecurities,” Jim said quietly. “They are still there as much as I don’t want them to be. It’s safe for you to see them.”

“Yes,” Spock agreed thoughtfully. “We break down your barriers. We do not create those feelings. We release them.”

“Uh huh. We all have our inner demons,” Jim said.

“We do,” Spock had to agree. “Making you submit is therapeutic.”

“Sadly,” Jim had to agree. “Regular treatment was completely ineffective. But you dominating me makes me face them.”

“You have buried them very deeply for Starfleet not to have discovered them.”

“Yeah. Bones may have had a little something to do with it,” Jim admitted reluctantly.

“He altered the results of your psychological evaluations?” Spock asked in disapproval.

“No, not exactly,” Jim said, yawning. “They are always open to interpretation. He knew I was more stable than it might appear. Except on those rare occasions I was overwhelmed by it all. But even those times I could handle it. So he talked to the doctors and told them I had latrophobia.”

“That is not true,” Spock said, a hint on question in his voice.

“It’s not entirely untrue,” Jim said. “I hate all doctors.”

“Not Leonard.”

Jim shrugged at that, taking a deep breath. “He is…uhm… well, different. He loves me. That makes it okay.”

“Yes,” Spock agreed. “Do you wish for me to call him to come take your pain?”

“No,” Jim admitted reluctantly.

“It is worse than usual,” Spock pointed out gently.

“I know,” Jim sighed. “I let it get to me more than usual. But there’s no point in submitting to you if he comes and takes the pain afterwards. Unless it’s bothering you.”

“It is not. I am simply concerned for you,” Spock said. “Do you want coffee?”

“If I deserve it,” Jim said in a very tired voice.

“Of course you do, love. Move so that I may get it for you.”

“Yes sir,” Jim responded automatically, shifting off of Spock’s warm, comforting body.

“I did not intend for it to sound like an order,” Spock said in apology.

“Oh,” Jim said, considering it. “I didn’t think it was. It was…reflex.”

“Very well,” Spock said, stroking his sweaty head before moving away. Jim wasn’t surprised to hear Spock contact Bones, knowing he would arrive shortly. “I know you prefer that he not come.”

Jim shrugged when Spock was sitting back by him, a cup of steaming coffee in his hand.

“Apologies,” Spock said, giving Jim the cup. Because Jim would never take it from him. It was one of their unspoken agreements while Jim was submitting.

“It’s fine,” Jim said quietly.

“You never submitted to Leonard, did you?” Spock asked as Jim sipped the coffee.

“No. Nobody but you. Why?” Jim asked absently, enjoying the coffee.

“I was curious. The amount of trust you show for him would make it possible.”

“Yeah. But I’ve never had sex with him. And since it inevitably arouses me, I couldn’t, could I?”

“Indeed,” Spock agreed.

“You want me to submit to him, don’t you?” Jim asked as he drank the coffee, the nectar of the gods.

“Yes,” Spock agreed, not surprised that Jim had guessed. It had not been a fully formed thought but now that Jim had said it aloud, Spock knew he unconsciously had been considering it. Interesting.

“You have to set the rules,” Jim said, his acquiescence a foregone conclusion.

“You would agree to submit to him as well?” Spock asked, needing to make sure he fully understood what Jim was saying.

“Yeah. It’s inevitable, isn’t it?”

“Not if you object. You know that I would never require it of you,” Spock said, pulling his fingers through Jim’s matted hair.

“I know that. But it was just a matter of time. I won’t have sex with him. Except for that, it seems natural,” Jim said with a shrug.

“Will he agree?” Spock asked, one eyebrow raised.

“Probably. I think he has some deeply repressed sadistic tendencies. They don’t scare me but I know they are there,” Jim said.

“How do you know this?” Spock asked.

“I can’t say exactly. Except that it’s one of those things you just know about your best friend. He may refuse at first, not wanting to admit it. But if you convince him it’s okay with you, he’ll say yes.”

“And you are agreeing freely to it?” Spock asked.

“Yes, t’hy’la,” Jim said with a watery smile. “I agree fully. Even if you hadn’t just beaten me, I’d agree to it. I’ll do everything he demands as long as there are no sexual components. He can order me to give you a blow job but not him.”

“Yes,” Spock agreed, leaning down to kiss him. “Come.”

Bones came in and crossed over to them, silently removing the ice packs to inspect Jim’s fiery red backside, some bruises already surfacing. “Well.”

“I may have gone too far,” Spock admitted.

“Do you think so?” Bones asked Jim.

“No. But I had a meltdown,” Jim said with a shrug. “I deserved more but he had to stop.”

“You’re okay now?” Bones asked, sitting next to Spock when Jim had scooted over to make room.

“Better. Still hurts like hell. But it always does,” Jim said, Bones shaking his head.

“You want me to take some of the pain?” Bones asked kindly.

“Not yet. If the bruising is too bad, you can,” Jim said, looking up at Spock.

“We are finished for today,” Spock told them both. “However, we had been discussing the next time he submits to me.”

“You’ll have to wait a week at least,” Bones said, putting the ice back on Jim’s ass.

“We will,” Spock assured him. “The next time I dominate him….” Spock stopped, surprising Bones by not finishing his sentence.

“Yeah? Next time?” Bones asked, leaving the bed to get himself a cup of coffee.

“Spock wants you here,” Jim said.

“Here?” Bones repeated, dragging a chair closer to the bed. “Why? You wouldn’t harm him. I have no reservations about it.”

“Not as an observer,” Spock said. “As a participant.”

“What?” Bones said in surprise. “What the hell?”

“You know you’ve always wanted to beat me,” Jim said seriously.

“I have not. Are you high?” Bones demanded.

“Your indignation won’t play with me,” Jim said. “You want to do it and you know it.”

“I know no such thing. I’m a doctor, dammit. Not a sadist.”

“It’s often a thin line, Bones. And you love me enough to do it,” Jim said.

“You are high,” Bones said, shaking his head, turning fiercely dark eyes from Jim to Spock and back. “I want nothing to do with…this,” he said, waving a hand of dismissal over Jim’s body.

“Then why do you want details every time he does it? ‘How many times did he hit you? Did he use a paddle? Did he make you ask for it?’”

Bones flinched when Jim repeated his words to him. “Those were purely medical questions.”

Jim snorted at him, not otherwise responding.

“It is nothing to be ashamed of, Leonard. There is pleasure to be found in punishing him,” Spock admitted. “He has agreed freely. He will submit completely to you so long as there is no sexual component to your demands.”

“No,” Bones said, shaking his head. “You are both high.”

“Stop pretending to be surprised,” Jim said. “You are jealous that Spock gets to beat me when you never got the chance. I’m fine with it. I trust you. Spock trusts you. I won’t have sex with you but I will submit to you both.”

“This is bullshit,” Bones said. “I don’t want to beat you or dominate you. It’s the endorphins talking.”

“It is not, Leonard. Were you completely honest with us and yourself, you would admit that you have wanted to dominate Jim. Since before he and I began. But you respected his boundaries. That prevented you from having what you wanted. We are offering it to you.”

“Why?” Bones asked, no longer arguing with Spock’s words.

“Because Spock wants to watch. And you are the only one we would ever trust enough to let in. You are the only one who knows we do it. And you have always wanted to. I don’t know why you think you can deny it.”

Bones stared down at Jim, wishing he could continue to deny it, telling them and himself they were wrong. How did they guess when he refused to admit it even to himself? “It could change everything,” he finally said reluctantly.

“It hasn’t changed things with me and Spock,” Jim said. “We contain it. It doesn’t leech over. It won’t with us either. And if it arouses you, you’ll have to take care of it yourself. I won’t and Spock won’t.”

“It will arouse me,” Bones admitted very reluctantly. “And I’m sorry.”

“Why?” Jim asked.

“Because you are the best friends I’ve ever had. I shouldn’t want to hurt you or watch it being done.”

Jim shrugged at that. “You don’t think Spock loves me less because he’ll do it. You are giving me something I can’t get anywhere else. And you get to enjoy it.”

“You’re sure?” Bones asked them both, wishing he were strong enough to walk out, to prove they were wrong. But they weren’t. That was the hardest part to face.

“Absolutely, Leonard. You will have dominion over him as well. When it arouses him, I will see to his needs. And he will see to mine. You will see to your own.”

“You’ll be in charge?” Bones asked.

“Yes. Not of you. But I will set any limits which need to be imposed. I will determine if it is becoming too much for him.”

“If you have sex, are you willing to allow me to witness it?” Bones had to ask.

“Yeah,” Jim said with a shrug. “There’s nothing else about us you don’t know. Will it mortify you?”

“No,” Bones reluctantly admitted, not adding to it.

“Very well then,” Spock said with a nod.

“T’hy’la,” Jim said, looking up at Spock.

“Yes,” Spock agreed to his unspoken suggestion.

“What?” Bones asked, looking between them.

“He was beaten the second time because he refused to perform fellatio. He hates doing it. As I am still aroused and you are here, he will do it to me while you watch.”

“Oh god,” Bones breathed, shifting in his chair.

“See,” Jim said, raising carefully and painfully to his knees. “Just the idea makes you hard.”

“Yeah,” Bones had to agree. He wanted to apologize but it was way too late for that. “Why do you hate it?”

“It makes me claustrophobic,” Jim said, reaching over to undo Spock’s pants so he could step out of them. Spock returned to lay on the bed, his legs straddling Jim. Jim reached up and slowly pulled Spock’s shirt off, caressing his chest. He could hear Bones’ soft intake of breath as Jim kissed Spock firmly and fully. “Take off your pants,” Jim suggested to Bones with a lust filled voice.

Bones shook his head at the same time he reached to open the fastenings. “You’re sure?”

“Quite sure,” Spock said, kissing Jim again as Bones removed his pants and briefs, his erection springing fully to life. Jim kissed down Spock’s body, trying to make the journey last as long as possible. When he could stall no longer, he licked over the tip of Spock’s erection, hearing Bones’ gasp at his action. He wanted to look over at him but needed to fully concentrate of blowing Spock’s mind and avoid another breathing.

//I have no intention of beating you again,// Spock assured him.

//You sure? Bones would love it.//

//I am quite sure. And I will not touch your head,// Spock promised.

//Thank you,// Jim agreed, opening his mouth as wide as possible to take Spock in. He had to work hard to control his gag reflex, relaxing his jaws and his throat.

//Go slowly, t’hy’la. I will not punish you.//

//I know. You don’t hate doing it to me. Why does it bother me so much?// Jim asked as he tried to caress Spock with his tongue. He found it nearly impossible, Spock’s erection taking up all the space in his mouth, making him feel slightly nauseous.

//Not everyone can do it, love,// Spock said gently. //You are much more accomplished than when you first started.//

//How’s Bones doing?// Jim asked in order to focus on anything other than the sensation of being suffocated.

//He is very aroused. His tongue is peeking out of his mouth and his eyes are glazed over,// Spock reported.

//He sounds aroused,// Jim agreed, using his right hand to caress Spock below his mouth. //I can’t take you any further in.//

//I will not require it of you, love. Can you increase your suction?//

Jim complied, not having any difficulty in doing it. Once Spock was in his mouth, the other parts of fellatio was simply more of the same. //I’m sorry I hate it so much,// he said when he felt Spock’s echoing discomfort.

//It is quite…pleasurable,// Spock said, gripping the sheets under him to prevent his hands from grasping Jim’s head. His hips lifted on their own, Jim following their motion and not allowing him in any further. //It won’t be long, love. You do not need to allow me release in your mouth if you don’t want it.//

//Come in my mouth. I’ll spit it out,// Jim said, sucking a little harder, his hand pumping Spock’s erection more firmly.

“Oh my love,” Spock whispered, Jim’s only warning before Spock erupted, his release nearly scorching Jim’s mouth.

As quickly and gracefully as he could, Jim left the bed to limp over to the bathroom, spitting it out. He wanted to learn to swallow but he just couldn’t. He stood still over the sink, trying unsuccessfully to quell the nausea. He failed, the coffee the only thing in his stomach to come up. Spock was there to rub his back as he heaved into the toilet, giving him a cool cloth when he was able to lean back onto his thighs.

“Does he always do this?” Bones asked slightly breathless as he stood on the outside of their bathroom, still bare below the waist.

“Normally he does not. It is a combination of the pain and the anxiety,” Spock said, giving Jim a glass of cool water.

“I had no idea you hated it so much,” Bones said.

“How would you know?” Jim asked. “Spock’s the only person I’ve ever done it for.”

“I know you enjoyed receiving them,” Bones said. “You used to brag about it.”

“Mostly lies. You knew that,” Jim said, slowly standing with Spock’s help.

“You still liked it,” Bones said with a laugh.

“Yeah,” Jim shrugged. “Like you don’t.”

Bones did not respond, following them to their bed, resuming his seat as they lay down, Spock pulling the covers over them. “You sleeping now?”

“Jim will. I will remain so that he can,” Spock said, kissing Jim’s head.

“Makes sense,” Bones agreed, watching them. “And you’re sure about this?”

“I believe that question has been answered, Leonard. You are now a part of this.”

“Yes,” Bones said with a nod. “I keep wanting to say I’m sorry but I know it’s pointless.”

“You owe no one an apology. You would have never suggested it had we not done so. We trust and love you enough to include you.”

“Thank you both,” Bones said reverently, watching Jim as he slept. “I should get back to Sickbay.”

Spock nodded, kissing Jim. “I will inform you when he wakes. We will have lunch.”

“All right,” Bones said, putting on his briefs and trousers, trying very hard not to feel self-conscious. “I’ll come eat with you if Sickbay isn’t overrun.”

“Good,” Spock agreed, watching him leave and drifting into a light sleep, knowing he would wake if Jim needed him.